Pushing Against The Currents
by LittleSwimmerGirl
Summary: "Water is a mirror. Reflected in it, you see yourself as you truly are." Ellie's never been unhappy with her own reflection. Instead, she has found that the people around her are the unhappy ones. Struggling with the expectations weighing down on her, Ellie decides to spend a year studying in Japan, away from the sport she once loved, only to find herself loving it all over again..
1. Prologue

**Prologue:**

**Escape**

* * *

_Water is a mirror. Reflected in it, you see yourself as you truly are. The water clenses the reflections of all opinions, giving us a chance to find out whether or not we can accept who we are. All of us, I can tell, will be unhappy with what kind of person stares back at us._

Heat splashed down onto seventeen-year-old Ellie Churchill's back, heating up her already sun-burnt body. Australian summers were the worst. Especially when the weather prevented Ellie from completing her Extended English homework. Some things just worked against her no matter what she did. There was no '_pushing through the pain_' with the sun, not like swimming. The sun didn't like to be messed with and Ellie was in no position to back away from it's rays.

The sun was always harsh in the summer time. Although the humidity was virtually non-existent over the Blue Mountains and into the Central West, Ellie still found herself sweating out the dry heat that followed her around every day that summer. It was stifling, forty-six degrees too hot, and even stepping so much as a foot outside would lead into sweat drenched clothes and a splitting headache. Waiting for Ellie's coach to arrive seemed a little bit like torture after fifteen minutes of sitting out in the open, splayed across the itchy grass in high-waisted denim shorts and her swimsuit. Ellie was hot. _Far_ too hot.

Luckily, Ellie was not alone in her discomfort._ Nothing_ seemed to cool _anyone_ down. Swim training had been moved to the outside fifty-metre pool in November, which had always been a few degrees warmer than the indoor pool, and by mid-summer, none of the Bathurst swimming team were too keen to jump into the lukewarm pool for the hour and a half sessions at five in the afternoon every weekday. The sun stole too much energy from their bodies and the sprint sets seemed like they had almost doubled in the lengthened pool. Transitions from winter swimming to summer swimming were always hard but Ellie had no choice. She had nationals to worry about, after all.

"Do you think Rhonda will let us do dive sprints today?" remarked Carla, Ellie's fair-haired best friend.

She had laid herself down onto her towel almost as soon as she and Ellie had arrived, yanking off her Nike tank-top and shoving it firmly into her swim bag before quickly laying out her towel and plonking herself down onto the ground. Ellie had barely dropped her bag down before Carla had shoved on her sunglasses, laid back and relaxed. Ellie blamed it on her European heritage. Carla never did well under extremely hot conditions.

Carla fidgeted idly, twisting her goggles between her fingers as the pair watched the various overheated citizens laze around the pool in varying degrees of suitable swimwear. "I mean, she's not so nasty as to make us swim hard today," she continued hopefully. "No one is meant to be doing exercise in this heat anyway. It'd be child abuse."

Ellie rolled her eyes, laughing at Carla's optimistic views of their sadist coach. "It'd be a miracle if she did. I doubt it though. Rhonda will push us no matter what the weather. It's her trademark. Besides, she expects a lot of us. Being in the national team and all..."

"She shouldn't expect _anything_ from us," Carla grumbled, her blonde hair sticking to the sweat on the back of her neck. "Especially since we won't even be in the country by next month. Besides, I'm just taking it easy this season. You're the one going places, Little Miss Tidal Wave. You're the one who should be worried."

_So you say_, Ellie thought. _Everyone_ expected things her at this point. The weight of two Youth Olympic silver medals around her neck made Ellie a living, breathing target for high expectations. Her coach expected her to come home from nationals with four gold medals hanging around her neck and an Olympic team offering by the end of the year. Her teachers expected top marks from their high achieving student and a near perfect result in her Year 11 Preliminary Exams. Her parents expected her to be happy and successful. They expected her to make good choices and not to waste opportunities. They expected a loving daughter, most of all.

But Ellie had hardly any expectations for herself at all. It worried her that she never aimed for the highest mark in class or the fastest time in a race. She just swam because it was natural. It was everyone else that made her worry, that placed these extraordinary expectations on her shoulders. It was endless torture just trying to pull herself out of that pit of anxiety that threatened to swallow her up every day. She needed to be free. That was the point of leaving to study abroad in Japan that year; to free herself from the endless amounts of expectations placed on her shoulders. A break, in short, was what she desired. A break from her own harsh life.

Carla pushed her training bag away with her feet, stretching her long legs out along the towel laid out underneath her. _Of course she would think she isn't going places_, Ellie thought as she laid down on the grass next to her best friend. _Only Carla would refuse give herself as much credit as she deserves._

Carla had been Ellie's best friend ever since she had began swimming. Ellie had felt distinctively alone when first joining the Bathurst swim team. She'd just moved down from Tweed Heads, a large town less than an hour from the border of Queensland. She had already possessed a few State Age gold medals and various achievements at age ten and at first, that gave Ellie a sort of celebrity status at the club. Parents compliment her parents and the other children would approach her and tell Ellie that they wished they could swim like her. But no one really talked to her for more than ten minutes. It was quite lonely, especially since she had left behind all her old friends and her old life back in Tweed Heads.

Carla had been the one to first talk to Ellie. It had been during training, when Ellie's foot had slipped on the diving block during dive sprints and completely ruined her dive. Her angle of entry was wrong and she went far too deep below the surface to get any further than the flags. All the other children had stared at her as if she had committed a crime but Carla, smiling and light-hearted as ever, had laughed and patted Ellie on the back in mock consolidation. "Good to know you're human, Ellie. I was seriously started to doubt whether or not you could actually lose."

Ellie, quiet and shy, had smiled in return before focusing back to training and redeeming herself from her humiliating failure. But the girls continued to talk. From small remarked-comments during training to full-blown conversations before and _after_ training. It was quite refreshing to Ellie. All the other children were too awestruck with her fast times and flawless form to even consider talking to her for more than an average of five minutes but Carla could see straight through all that. Her attention had been on Ellie as a person, as a friend, not as some inhuman swimming machine. It hadn't taken long for the two of them to become inseparable, nor had it taken long for them to start competing against each other in each event.

School carnivals and local competitions as well as State Age and National Championships were their battlefields as they raced against each other and earned achievements for their club. They were Bathurst's pride and joy by the time they both reached fourteen, Ellie especially, after being selected for the Australian Youth Olympic team and then going on to win two silver medals for her country. Carla wasn't far behind of course, with just as many nationals medals as her and a bronze from the Youth Olympics. The two were never far from each other and when Ellie had decided to take a year of studying abroad in Japan, it hadn't been long before Carla decided to follow her out of the country.

"How are you even going to last in Japan?" Ellie laughed, thinking aloud with the random question. "All you ever eat is pasta and popcorn. I'm going to end up force feeding you just about everything."

Carla snorted and pushed her bright red sunglasses up the bridge of her nose a-matter-of-factly. "I'm sure they'll have pasta, smartass."

"Oh my God, you're going to starve."

"I will not. Besides, that might be good for me. I may just lose some weight."

Ellie groaned. Carla consistently complained about her supposed '_fat_' stomach, which was _actually_ flat and toned. With long lanky limbs and the trademark back muscles of a backstroker, Carla could wear racing bikinis and get away with it easily. Ellie could never wear anything other than her knee length body suits. With broad man-shoulders and no thigh gap to be seen, Ellie was eternally doomed to either wear slimming black swimsuits or nothing at all.

"I swear to God Carla, if you say something like that that _one more time_-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," She snapped. "I'm sure the opinions of my best friend are equal to the stares I get from strangers. Seriously, it's horrible. I haven't had a boyfriend in what? Three years? Neither have you, for that matter a fact. No guys want to date swimmer girls who have more muscles than they do. That's the one thing I hate about this sport! We never look attractive. It consumes us completely. Don't you agree?"

Ellie almost managed to respond before Rhonda walked out of the main building and out onto the pool deck with kick boards and pull buoys packed into her large drawstring bag. Her opportunity vanished and the team was forced into the pool with loud threats from Rhonda. "Anyone who's not in the pool in the next five minutes will be doing one-hundred fifty metre IM sprints with Ellie and Carla standing guard to make sure you do them. Is that perfectly clear?" Rhonda's message was heard perfectly and the entire team dived into the pool with groans of complaint.

Ellie found that Carla had been half-correct in her wish a few minutes when Rhonda pulled them out of the pool after warm-up and told them to practise their dives and turns in the indoor pool. "I'm not burning the both of you out two days before national championships," She had said before shooing the two girls away. "I really don't want the Swimming Australia appointed coach to come snapping at me next week, saying I wore out his two best swimmers. Seriously, just go."

Carla was more than happy to slip into the indoor pool, which strangely was always colder, and waste the entire hour and a half by talking and laughing like a normal teenager. Ellie was more than happy to oblige. She wasn't feeling up to swimming that day either, considering she spent almost four hours fixing the fences on her family's property with her father that day and only managed to achieve half an hour of rest before driving herself to training in her father's sauna of a ute. Her heart just wasn't in it that day and it hadn't been for a while.

Swimming, Ellie concluded, managed to overtake everything in her own mind. Swimming was _life_ for Ellie. Nothing else ever came close in a matter of importance. But for some reason, Ellie ceased to truly care about how she went in competitions ever since she was fifteen. It was as if she felt like swimming had no meaning anymore, like it was now a chore rather than a love. But the funny thing was, she couldn't seem to give it up either. It felt too natural to smell like chlorine every day and wake up at five every morning to go running through the bush to avoid swimming in the mornings.

But swimming wasn't the same anymore. Ever since the Youth Olympics, it _was not_ the same. Ellie had no idea what it was about swimming that felt so wrong. All she knew was that she had to get away. Away from the expectations and hopes placed on her shoulders and away from the stress of having to achieve for others satisfaction, rather than her own. It was all she wanted.

And her opportunity in Japan...was all Ellie was ever going to get.

* * *

**Read, Review and tell me what you think :)**


	2. Chapter I

**Chapter I:**

**Jet-Lag is a Horrible Thing**

* * *

There were very few things that truly pissed Ellie off.

Dog-eared book pages. Loud and ignorant people who spoke without even thinking. The _entire_ _concept_ of the '_Twilight_' series. That stupid, godforsaken whistle signal that was forever being used by sideline coaches during breast-stroke events. Those little things had always been at the top of Ellie's list of '_Horrible Afflictions to Society_'. But nothing, absolutely nothing, irritated her more than jet-lag.

The flight to Japan wasn't exactly the longest of flights. Nine hours of economy class racket with fifteen teenage girls packed into five rows in the corner of the plane and an enthusiastic teacher with access to too much candy wasn't that bad either. Being with friends made a great distraction for Ellie and the urge to vomit had not struck her stomach at all the entire flight.

Various overseas trips as a child had lead to Ellie's parents learning that her stomach was not particularly suited to flying. She could never ever manage to keep any food down for an entire flight and would often end up spending the first day of their holidays curled up on her hotel bed, trying to sleep off the nausea. Luckily, Ellie's stomach had kept it's shit together and let her get through the entire nine hours without retching up the six packets of caramel Tim Tams and chocolate Pocky that the class had managed to devour. The entire class buzzed with sugar induced energy, that was, at least, until they got off the plane.

A sort of zombified look washed over Ellie's classmates as they shuffled through Tokyo airport, all looking for the nearest coffee-shop that _wasn't_ a Starbucks. Not that it made any difference, considering their teacher had rushed them to the drop-off zone to board the bus for an estimated four hour trip. It was still rather dark outside and cold as well, the wind practically slicing through Ellie's skinny jeans and Nationals championship hoodie. _Ugh, stupid change in climate_, was all her shambled mind managed to think as she walked over to the bus with her friends, Carla's arms around her and Ellie's arms around Carla. Going from a relatively hot early autumn in Australia to a relatively _freezing_ early spring in Japan wasn't really a smart idea in Ellie's mind. _At least there's no snow._

Overseas school trips were always organised and planned, as Ellie well knew. Only last year, she had left for a month on her Modern History tour with the rest of her class. They had travelled around Europe, almost always on the road, and the students were only given one day of free reign before getting right back on schedule. Ellie had hated it, as she'd never gotten to see exactly what she wanted to see. The trip to Japan was different however. Carla and Ellie would be given complete control over where they could go and what they could do. They were staying for the year, after all.

"I don't know about you but I am seriously thinking considering sneaking off to Samezuka when we get to our dorms," Carla said with a shivering laugh as she threw her bag into the back of the school's bus. "I hear their swim team is ridiculously good."

Ellie laughed, despite the fact that she wasn't particularly in a laughing mood. "Are you sure that's the reason you want to see them? I think you'll be staring at more than just their perfect form, Carla."

Sakura Academy, their new home-away-from-home, had been more than happy to accept two high achieving girls with near flawless behavioural records and excellent sporting achievements for a single year of study. Ellie hadn't thought much of the private school when her mother had first explained it to her. It was a well-renowned all-girls school with a running track record for producing women of high class and intelligence. Not much difference from her old school as far as Ellie was concerned, besides the cliched name and country of origin. It had free wifi, a running track and a cafeteria that sold at least some foods that were familiar to her. That was all Ellie needed to know, as far as comfort goes.

Carla, on the other hand, had paid close attention to the all-boys academy that neighboured Sakura. Samezuka was an almost perfect mirror of Sakura; high achieving students, high standards and so forth. It was expected, as the two schools _were_ affiliated with each other, but the one difference between them was their sporting records. Sakura was known for having unbeatable women's basketball teams and an unstoppable track and field team. Samezuka, however, was known for their powerhouse of a swimming team.

_"It's ridiculous!" Carla slammed her fist onto her desk, staring furiously at the words typed up on the Academy's website. "They have a goddamn fencing team but no swim team?! What the hell, Japan? Why must you torture us this way?" _

_"Torture _you_, don't you mean?" Ellie remarked. "Do you see me whining and complaining? No. Do you see me obsessing over these little details? No." _

_"Do I see _you_ making an effort to find a good club so that your best friend's national reputation won't disappear in the space of a single year? No, I don't. Funny about that." _

The inconsistencies between the two schools _was_ admittedly worrying to Ellie. She was going to have to stay in shape _and_ form, unless she desired to be completely smashed by her teammates at her first training session back next year. _Wouldn't that go down well with the media_. She'd been granted special permission by Sakura to go train with Samezuka boys if she so wished but Ellie had always felt strange about training with a coach that was unfamiliar to her. When she had been at nationals, warm-up had been especially strange as the national team's coach preferred to focus on the team's starts and turns rather than actually warming up. She had been so used to Rhonda's one kilometre warm-ups that it almost felt wrong to be doing something else.

Ellie threw her bag in after Carla's, biting her lip as she thought to herself. "We don't have to '_sneak in_', remember?" She said, climbing into the already crowded mini bus. Heat blasted through the air-conditioning vents, warming Ellie's near frozen fingers. "We both have special permission into their pool any time we want. _Swimming Australia's_ orders."

Carla's bloodshot eyes widened and the bus jerked forward into motion, causing Ellie, who hadn't quite managed to put on her seatbelt, to smack her head into the back of the seat in front of her. "What?! Since when has _Swimming Australia_ been involved in our affairs?"

"Since we became Olympic medalists," Ellie replied sullenly, rubbing her throbbing head whilst muttering indecent phrases under her breath. "Well, Youth Olympic medalists that is. Mum contacted them, as far as I know, and got the officials onto it."

"Your mother told them?" Carla turned her body in Ellie's direction, facing her best friend despite the limiting seat belt. "But I thought you were coming here to get away from competition-"

"Correction, dear Carla. I came here to get away from people's expectations of me, not swimming or competition. The only problem is that I most likely won't be doing any competition this year and neither will you, considering we're not a part of any club around here."

"We _could_ be," Carla said, raising an eyebrow as if she has achieved enlightenment. It didn't take long for Ellie to understand what she meant, the skill of mind reading her best friend having been developed over a few years.

"No," Ellie snapped. "There's no way."

"Oh come on, Ellie," Carla whined, near jumping up and down in her seat with excitement. "It's not like Samezuka's going to turn away two Youth Olympic medalists. They'd be honoured!"

"Which is exactly what I wanted to avoid! Have you not been listening to me this past month?!" Frustration bubbled underneath the surface of Ellie's skin. That was _exactly_ what she hadn't wanted. More responsibility. More expectations. More godforsaken stress. "I just want to swim without any consequence or hopes backed up behind it for one single year. _Why_ is that so hard for everyone to accept?!"

"We'll just do it for fun then! Exactly like what you said." Carla's baby blue eyes brightened at the prospect, her hopeful smile contradicting Ellie's stubbornly antagonistic view on the subject. "Please, Ellie, can we at least try?"

Ellie sighed loudly, although the sound was drowned out by the yelling and laughing of the other girls on the bus. She didn't want to talk about swimming. She actually didn't want to talk about anything at all. She hadn't slept in over eighteen hours and she was jet-lagged beyond belief. Ellie wasn't in the mood for debating whether or not she should join a swim club this year. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Pulling her legs up, Ellie curled herself into a ball on her seat. "Honestly Carla, I don't care. I really don't. Just let me sleep for a while, okay? I'll think about it later."

Dejected, Carla frowned at her best friend, unhappy with the unresolved issue between them. Ellie ignored her, shoving in her earphones and blasting up the volume as she pretended to fall asleep against the window.

Swimming was a topic Ellie tried hard to avoid. After Nationals, Ellie found that whenever the topic was brought up in conversation, she could feel her heart contracting and her stomach rising up into her throat. It made her nervous, anxious, maybe even sick. She didn't want to discuss how she had blitzed her times, shaving off six seconds on her four hundred metre freestyle personal best. How she won gold in all her events and got the attention of almost every news network with her swimming. Everyone was so happy with her, so proud and beaming, that it made Ellie sick to the stomach.

All in all, the experience was horrific to Ellie. Success, in her mind, was only half of what people thought made her a prodigy. According to Carla, it was also the way she carried herself. Ellie had been told that she had some kind of confident air about her, like she knew exactly what she was going to do when she entered that water. Like she just _knew_ she was going to win. Ellie never thought she was like that. Half the time, she felt more unsure in the marshalling area than she did poolside, watching others race. The entire notion was utterly ridiculous but Ellie figured that people saw what they wanted to see. And in Ellie, they saw a confident swimming machine who had the intentions of going all the way. _Ugh, how annoying._

The trip to Sakura Academy took a few hours, in which Ellie managed to catch up on some valuable sleep. Despite the music blasting in her ears, it wasn't long before the calming hum of the bus and sheer exhaustion lulled her into a deep sleep. Her dreams were muffled, as if underwater, and everything was hazy and shadowed. Ellie didn't find it very interesting. Her dreams had been like this for long enough that hardly any of them phased her.

About half an hour away from their destination, shaken out of sleep, Ellie vaguely remembered being handed a scolding hot coffee by Carla and the last of the girls' stash of Red Frogs. "I could see you going through withdrawals already," Carla said as she sat down beside her. "You should seriously consider cutting back on the caffeine. I've seen you on afternoons. You're hands are always shaking from the bloody caffeine."

Ellie groaned and gulped down the brown liquid as if it were liquid gold. "It's just three-cups-of-coffee shakes, Carla."

"More like eighteen cups and a double shot, drug addict."

Ellie rolled her eyes and drank the rest of her coffee in silence. Her coffee obsession wasn't something to be joked about. Like her mother, Ellie couldn't function in a day without at least two cups of coffee before noon. She knew it wasn't healthy but she wasn't planning on cutting back. Studying for the HSC was going to be stressful enough without having to worry about cutting back on her caffeine addiction.

"You're going to have a heart attack eventually, you know that right?" Carla leaned back into her seat, her eyes firmly set on the back of her classmates seat. "Are you even listening?"

"Yes, actually," Ellie muttered, chewing numbly on a Red Frog. "Shouldn't _you_ cut back on the Red Bulls? You're at more risk of a heart attack than me. And should I care to mention that you also take _your_ coffees black. _Like your soul_."

"Oh ha, ha, very funny. Different story there," Carla replied sarcastically. "That's a stress thing. You drink coffee because you're addicted. I drink Red Bull because I'm stressed and I'm going to fall asleep while studying."

"Which is _always_."

"Is not."

"Is so."

"Want a bet?"

"Sure. Easy money for me."

Carla rolled her eyes and smacked Ellie lightly on the arm, a smile spreading across her lips. Staying angry at each other was almost impossible for the pair, although Ellie was usually the one who lasted the longest in terms of a grudge. Carla was just too kind-hearted for her own good. She always described being angry as too much effort, Ellie recalled. _Figures_.

Administration upon arrival had distinctly made Ellie's head _ache_. As soon as she saw the school forms, a dull but constant throb began to hammer against the base of her skull. Carla spotted this within an instant, snatching the pen from Ellie's hand before shooing her off to their dorm.

"I'll deal with this," She said, already scribbling their information onto the forms. "You go check out the room. Maybe we can go do some training later. Stretch out the muscles."

"Sounds great," Ellie muttered before sauntering off with her bags in tow.

The school itself was fairly modern, with cube-like architecture and high tech learning equipment installed in every classroom. The campus was spread out and open. Various sporting courts and school buildings formed a sort of large diamond formation with a running track outlining the entire school. It was all calming and pleasing to look at but to Ellie, the place felt just a bit too soulless for her own tastes.

The dorms were probably the most ancient looking of the entire school. A three-storey building that's been built like a gothic European style castle, while the interior was more reminiscent of a modern day boarding school. Ellie found it slightly disappointing that it didn't have a more ancient look inside but she figured that since most buildings built like that were relatively new, it was to be expected.

The rooms were relatively large, with blue walls and a small balcony on the far wall that faced the inner courtyard. A bunk bed sat pushed up against each wall, desks replacing the lower storey beds with a simple lamp placed on both desks. Closets had barely managed to be shoved into the space between the front wall and the bunk beds. Bathrooms, unfortunately, were not in the rooms but by random stroke of luck, the girls had been placed just across the hall from them. _Oh jeez_, Ellie thought as she observed the sighted crowded room. _Hardly any room for a bookcase. Carla's going to have a fit._

Dragging her feet, Ellie unpacked her things with the upmost of reluctance. It wasn't hard to find places for all her things but Ellie knew that a problem would occur when the rest of her possessions would begin to arrive. All she had at that moment were her school books, her swim bag and gear, some casual clothes and her electronics. Important things like her books, her lucky towel and the rest of her clothes were still yet to come.

"Don't worry about it," Ellie told herself as she sat back in her desk chair, stress already spearing itself into her gut. "Take a deep breath. Calm down. It'll _all_ be...It'll all be fine."

"Indeed it will be!" Carla announced as she skipped into the room, dropping in on a private thought as usual. "Get dressed. I'm in serious need of a swim."

Familiar with the seven years of her friend's painful stubbornness, Ellie refused to argue against Carla's request. She quickly slipped into her favourite swimsuit, a green and gold knee length that she wore at the Youth Olympics, and tried her hardest to block out Carla's complaints about losing something in her bag. Carla was eternally losing things. It was her defining trait.

With their swimming bags slung over one shoulder and swimsuits on underneath their clothes, the girls headed off toward the Samezuka campus. It wasn't long walk, which strangely made the brisk air bearable. Getting into the indoor pool was easier than Ellie thought it would be. It seemed as if the advisor to the club had memorised their faces and made mental notes to give them a tour. Ellie didn't want nor need a tour. She just wanted to swim and get the sleep out of her eyes.

The heat inside the pool area was almost suffocating. Exhausted boys hung around the deck, complaining loudly as a race concluded in the victor's loud triumph.

"Is there anyone who can beat me?!" He cried, pulling himself out of the pool with a loud splash. Ellie rolled her eyes at him and dropped her bag by the wall, already yanking off her jacket.

"Talk about cocky," Carla muttered beside her. "What is this exactly?"

"Show-off session?" Ellie replied, cap and goggles in hand as she turned to watch another race begin. "Being the powerhouse team that they are, I suspect that they'd probably do that kind of thing. Scares the new kids, maybe?"

"It's a Samezuka tradition. A send-off event for the third-year swimmers." Carla's blue eyes widened as the answer to her question is voiced behind Ellie, a small smile threatening to show on her lips. Ellie turned, coming face-to-face with the eavesdropper. A boy with wine-coloured hair and shark-like teeth stood before her, wearing an ankle length swim suit and the school track suit jacket. There was something oddly familiar about him that Ellie couldn't quite put her finger on, like she had known him in some distant memory or a dream.

The boy smiled, his sharp teeth sparkling, a spark of recognition glinting in his eye. "Sir, if you don't mind me asking, who are these girls?"

"These are the girls transferred from Australia to Sakura Academy. They've been granted special access to our pool by _Swimming Australia_."

The boy furrowed his brow, frowning slightly. "Why?"

Carla was the first to respond, her Japanese mind kicking in faster than Ellie's. "We're supposed to train with you guys. Coach's orders, I guess. Otherwise, we'll get our asses kicked next season back home. Our coach wouldn't be too pleased." Flashing a charming smile, Carla holds out her hand. "I'm Carla. It's nice to meet you..."

"Rin," the boy replied, shaking Carla's hand. "Rin Matsuoka. I'll be the new captain of the swim team after today."

"Awesome." Carla looked over to the pool, politely engaging in conversation while Ellie worked hard to guess why Rin looked so utterly familiar to her. "So, who's this send-off race for, exactly?"

Putting a hand on his hip, Rin follows Carla's gaze. "The third-years. This is their last day. It's tradition for the captain to swim one-hundred metres freestyle one-hundred times. Well, that is until someone beats him." _Why are you so familiar? Is it the swimsuit? No, too common. _

"Sounds like relay drills to me. Your captain's pretty good," said Carla, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't think he even looks the least bit fatigued."

_The voice is pretty familiar. The hair and teeth even more so. Goddamn it, where do I know you from? _Ellie leaned back against the wall, her tracksuit pants still sitting on her hips and her hair still hanging loose over her shoulders. She couldn't pinpoint the reason as to why Rin seemed so familiar. She could feel it in her grasp, moving and twisting in her palm, but like water, it escaped whenever she wished to analyse it. Then, for some unknown reason, her memory clicked into place.

"The SOPAC team," Ellie said to herself. "That's where you're from."

"Huh?" Carla turned around at the sound of her friend's voice, a confused look branding her face. "Ellie, what's wrong?"

Letting her mind switch to Japanese, Ellie attempts to explain. "The SOPAC team. Rin...were you, by any chance, a part of the SOPAC team a few years ago? I'm sorry, it's just you're so familiar and that's really the only place I could manage to place you."

Carla rolled her eyes and groaned, making it seem as if Ellie had embarrassed her with the curious question. Rin laughed nervously, raking a hand through his hand before he answered her question. "I...I was. I spent most of my teenage years in Australia, at a swimming school in Sydney. I have to admit...the two of you also seemed quite familiar when I first saw you. Your name's...Ellie, right?"

Ellie nodded, crossing her arms over her chest. "Yeah, sorry for the rude introduction. My mind's a bit afield. I've been awake too long."

"Oh you've had your coffee, Little Miss Tidal Wave," Carla remarked as she dropped her bag beside Ellie's. "Can we swim now?"

Ellie laughed, poking her best friend in the ribs. "Sure, Funkita. Whatever you say."

The nicknames shared between the pair obviously confused Rin as he digested the scene in front of him. Ellie was about to explain them to him when the words were suddenly lost on her lips as she _actually_ looked at him, taking in the details of his face and body. It was strange; most of the time, Ellie never noticed the fact that she actually spent most of her free time around half naked men in speedos and swim suits unless someone explictedly pointed it out to her. It was just natural for her, so she never took much notice of it but looking at Rin, she found herself more acutely aware of that fact than ever before.

Truthfully, it made her angry that she found her eyes wandering down to his abs and memorised the ripples and curves along his skin. Ellie had sworn herself off boys a long time ago, as they were little more than idle distractions. She had swimming to focus on and in her mind, that was the _only_ thing that she should be focused on. But a year without expectations or promises also meant a year without responsibility for past promises. _Could she_...

Ellie shook her head furiously as if to loosen the thoughts from her head. _Now is not the time for hormone induced thoughts_, she thought impatiently. _Just swim. That's all you're going to do today and that's final. Got it, dirty mind? That's _it_. _

"Hey, if you guys are here for a swim, why not have a bit of a race?" Rin smiled viciously, as if the girls' fates were sealed.

Carla, being the natural competitive type, bounced up and down on the balls of her feet and looked expectantly toward Ellie for approval. "What do you think?" She asked in English, excitement weaving it's way into her voice. "Can we please, please, _please_-"

"Carla, what did we talk about?" Ellie snapped, shoving her tracksuit pants into her bag. "I said no expectations this year. I don't want to pressure and you know I don't."

"Oh come on, Fun Police. It's just one race. What harm is it going to do if you have one race? We won't ask to join if you don't want to but you never know-"

"_That_. That, _right there_, is what I'm taliking about. You want me to do this race because you think it'll convince me to join the club. Well, here's a solution for you. _You_ can swim in this race and _I_ can quietly swim beside you, trying my damnedest to get rid of my jet-lag."

"Ellie, come on! It's only one hundred metres!" Carla's expression grew more and more frustrated and Ellie could tell there was a guilt trip in the works inside her best friend's mind. The two knew each other's inner workings better than they knew how to master a butterfly turn. In an essence, it was Ellie's downfall but at the very least, she knew what was coming. "Could you just do it for me? _Please_? You know I won't swim get to competitions this year if you're not going to so...could you please just do this one race? For me?"

_There it is, the guilt trip. _Ellie sighed, jet-lag poking at her wired brain, and rubbed her tired eyes. There was only ever one answer to any of Carla's guilt trips. Ellie hated that her friend knew her well enough to know that she liked to make everyone happy rather than herself. _Damn my giving personality_.

"Fine," Ellie sighed. "I'll do the race with you."

Hysteria erupted as Carla squealed loudly, near tackling Ellie as she hugged her tightly whilst chanting, "Thank you, thank you, _thank you!_" It took a few seconds to regain her balance but Ellie found herself laughing with her best friend and hugging her back just as tightly. It felt strangely pleasing to know that she would be racing again, her internal need for swimming kicking in early. Ellie didn't particularly care anymore. Anything to make Carla happy and it was fine by her.

"Do we have a verdict?" Rin asked expectantly. "Or was that outburst of happiness a definite 'yes'?"

Carla laughed in response, pulling out of their hug but leaving her arm draped over Ellie's shoulder, something achievable due to their near identical height. "Unfortunately, Ellie here is immune to my convincing techniques but not my guilt trips." She sighed, shaking her head like an amused parent. "She's far too easy to convince."

Ellie scoffed at Carla's comment, softly elbowing her in the side. "Says the girl who can never convince me the conventional way. At least I can withstand your logic."

Carla rolled her eyes and poked out her tongue before turning to grab her cap and goggles out of her bag. Impatient to start, Ellie walked up to the starting block, stuffing her hair into her cap as she walked. Rin followed her to the blocks, quickly explaining the situation to his captain before bringing his attention back to her. Ellie shivered under his gaze. There was something about the way he looked at her, like a lion watching it's prey. It annoyed her more than anything but there was a curiosity there, a question that required an answer.

Ellie growled angrily and buried her questioning deep down whilst pulling her goggles onto her head. _I really need to watch that, _she thought_. He's too bloody distracting. _

"We've decided on a two-person relay," Rin explained, his eyes wandering up and down her body with a gaze that gave Ellie the distinct urge to drive her fist into his jaw. "What's your specialty?"

"Butterfly first, freestyle second," Ellie replied. "Carla's primarily a backstroker but she does a bit of freestyle as well. We're both IM swimmers as well but I'm more of a four-hundred metre swimmer whereas she does the two-hundred. That just about answer your question?"

Rin shrugged, pulling his goggles onto his head. "Mostly. So backstroke and butterfly then?" Ellie nodded. "Well, you'll be racing me in butterfly. You might want to be careful. I won't hold back just because of your gender."

Ellie smiled, a small sliver of confidence working it's way into her expression for the first time in about four years. "Tell me Rin, have you ever known what it feels like to be beaten by a couple of girls?"

Rin eyed his opponent suspiciously, a sudden change in posture signalling intimidation. But in the end, his ego won out and the boy grinned with confidence. "No, I don't. And I don't intend to."

Ellie didn't have to say much else. She simply turned around, stretched out her arms and smiled. "You're on."

* * *

**A.N: I promise that I did not intend for this chapter to go for so long. I just couldn't find a good stopping point. You'll learn that that's a thing with me *sweats nervously*. And yes, I am aware that I'm bending the rules by adding in a school. I promise I won't ruin anything. Pinky swear.**

******_Aoi_: 'muricans ;). It does actually help that I'm Australian so go figure. Melbourne and Adelaide always get it bad in terms of weather.**

**Thank you _Aoi_ and _animegirl312 _for reviewing and thank you to everyone who followed and favourited. R&R on this chapter and wait patiently for the next chapter. Let's hope my procrastinating skills don't kick in. **


	3. Chapter II

**Chapter II:**

**Exhaustion Does Strange Things**

* * *

Ellie had forgotten what it was like to race against boys. As she stood behind the blocks, viciously swinging her arms around to quickly warm-up, Ellie thought about the odds of Carla and herself actually winning the race. Rin and the captain had general male physique and a decent eight hours sleep over them. Ellie and Carla may still have the element of surprise on them, as well as a bit more speed and endurance but they were tired and lacking in the physical energy required to win a hundred-metre race. But they were still superior. They'd achieved medal placings at an Olympic status. It _should_ be easy. At least, in Ellie's mind, it should be.

"You ready for this, Funkita?" Ellie said, fiddling with the shoulder straps of her swimsuit. "I've forgotten the last time we versed guys who could actually possibly beat us."

Carla rolled her eyes and continued to stuff her hair into her cap. "We'll last. Jesus, I swear that you always think the worst of us."

"The worst of _us_? What gives you the impression that I would ever think the worst of myself? It's you that I'm concerned about, Miss I-Never-Accelerate-Until-I'm-Twenty-Five-Metres-From-The-Wall."

"Hey, I'm the master of last minute boosts. It's a powerful skill."

"Considering the amount of times you've left assignments till the last minute and somehow managed to get them in on time, yes it is a powerful but unfortunately, does not work that well in swimming. Did _nothing_ Rhonda ever teach you tell you that?"

Carla pouted mockingly, crossing her arms over her chest like a scolded child. "They can't control me. I am the Mockingjay."

"What are you on and where can I get some?" Nervous laughter erupted between the girls, a warm and fuzzy feeling settling in the pit of Ellie's stomach. She hardly even felt nervous. She was going up against toned and skilled male swimmers and she was _actually_ confident.

Ellie could hardly believe it. She hadn't felt this relaxed before a race since she was twelve years old. Even if the race was only for fun, it still amazed Ellie that she hadn't fallen back into old nervous habits of repeatedly checking her goggles and shoving them further into her eye sockets. She distinctly remembered one time, back before she began to specialise in butterfly and freestyle, she had shoved her goggles so hard into her eyes before a backstroke race that even when the straps flipped over her head and where left hanging underneath her chin, they had still stayed put. Ellie's parents often found it quite amusing to see red rings circling her eyes after each of her Nationals races, getting darker and darker after every race.

It was a strange habit that she had, a habit only practised when nervous, but even after assuring herself that she wasn't even the least bit anxious for the race, Ellie still reached up and placed her goggles over her eyes, shoving them into her sockets as hard as she could. _Guess some habits just never die. _

"Hey!" Rin's sudden and loud voice made Ellie near jump out of her skin. She'd almost completely forgotten that he was just beside her.

Or at least, he _had_ been before he'd wandered off to speak to his friends that walked in two minutes before Carla came out of the change rooms. It had delayed the relay but it had given Carla and Ellie more time to talk and in turn, that made Ellie much more relaxed than she would have been if she had just gone straight into the race, having done hardly any warm-up prior and possessing only enough energy for one twenty-five metre sprint. Ellie suspected it would have ended in a horribly uneven stroke and an even more horrible turn before she'd come to her senses, shattering her reputation in a split second. Not that Rin and his teammates where acutely aware of her reputation anyway but still, the thought was there.

"Are we just going to continue talking or are we actually going to start racing?" Rin asked, looking horribly impatient with his hand on his hip and a frown on his face.

Ellie scoffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "You were the one who delayed the race. We're just passing the time. But if you insist...I'm sure you're in such a hurry to lose."

Carla made a strange sound that was quite obviously a suppressed laugh to Ellie's ears, stepping up to the edge of the pool as a girl positioned on the side of the pool blew her whistle, signalling for the swimmers to enter their starting position in the water. Cheers from behind Ellie made her curious enough to turn around, coming within eye contact of Rin's friends. They were cheered for his team, of course, but at the sight of Ellie's glare, the four of them silenced their cheers just as the second whistle blew. _Serves 'em right_, Ellie thought as she turned back to the blocks.

The entire pool was silenced at the sound of the second whistle, signalling for the backstrokers to grab the rails. Carla took a shorter time to get ready at the wall than Samezuka's captain in the lane beside her. Placing her two hands on the railings, she hoisted her feet up against the wall, one foot high up on the wall, entirely out of the water, and the other with only her heel submerged. _She's going for a deep dive_, Ellie thought as she watched her friend. _She must be planning to show off a bit_.

Carla was known for having an impressively fast _and_ strong kick, which she liked to utilise during her starts. You often wouldn't see her come up after the start until she was halfway down the pool, a full body-length in front of the other competitors. It was a constant source of amazement for Ellie, considering that she was hopeless at backstroke. She could hardly even make it past the flags before she had to come up for air, which was strange, given the fact that she could swim the length of a fifty metre pool without taking a single breath.

As the starter called "_take your marks"_, Ellie felt nervous energy crackle along her arms and legs as adrenaline travelled through her blood at record speed. Silently, she took a deep breath and held it, waiting for the starting signal to go. A sharp shrill sound sounded through the entire pool and less than a second afterward, the sound of a splash that was followed by a second splash, close behind. Ellie smiled. Carla was too good at starts. She always timed it perfectly so that she would always be the first to leave the wall without being called up for a false start. _Not going places, my ass_.

Cheers and encouragement were bellowed from the sidelines, most, if not all, of those encouragements being directed at the Samezuka team. Ellie understood the sentiment. Why cheer for her team if they had no idea who they were?

Ellie smiled even wider as she stepped up onto the block, watching Carla flip through her turn, at least a body length in front of her opponent as expected.

"Your friend is quite good," Rin said, placing his goggles over his eyes. "It's a shame that her effort will go to waste. Although, I'm sure you'll put up a fight."

"Excuse me?" Ellie raised an eyebrow and placed a hand on her hip. "We're in the lead. By at least a full body length. How exactly does that mean that you're going to win, Shark Boy?"

Rin smiled menacingly and nodded his head in the direction of their teammates, confidence tainting his voice. "Are you so sure you'll be in the lead after this?"

Shaking her head, Ellie looked back to Carla, only to find that their lead was now cut in half. Watching her friend closely, Ellie spotted an obviously unevenness in Carla's stroke. A dependency on her left side rather than her right and a strange urgency in her kick that was obviously quite panicked. _Oh no_, Ellie thought as she positioned her feet on the blocks. _Don't tell me her shoulder's playing up again. That was meant to be healed, damn it. _A year before both Ellie and Carla had first decided on spending a year in Japan, Carla threw her shoulder out during a race in a local carnival.

It had been a minor injury that required extensive physiotherapy and conditioning before she could swim properly again but Ellie remembered the various conversations she's had with Carla about how her shoulder just didn't feel the same anymore. She'd said that it felt weaker than before, less resilient. Although Ellie had no idea what it felt like to have her shoulder weakened like Carla, she still made every attempt to check up on her best friend whenever she finished a race. She could only hope in that moment that Carla was simply paranoid about her shoulder, rather than actually injured.

As Carla closed in on the wall, the gap between her and her opponent now almost dead even, Ellie prepared herself for a long sprint. She was going to have to push hard if she wanted to make up on the ground that Carla had lost but Ellie was confident that she could pull the race's momentum back in their direction. She wasn't going to let herself be beaten by Rin. Not by a long shot.

Ellie calmly watched Carla from her starting position, her heart hammering against her chest, and counted her teammate's strokes. _One, two, three, four-GO!_

The water found her as she dived, her body entering it's embrace smoothly and cleanly. It was a perfect dive; perfect force, perfect depth, perfect entry. A good set up for a hard chase and hopefully, a stunning victory.

Ellie realised that she'd forgotten what is was like to race as she was racing now. She'd forgotten what it was like to race just for the sake of racing, feeling the water underneath her palms as she pulled her arms up and over, relishing in the rush of adrenaline that surged through her blood. It was glorious, freeing almost, but Ellie couldn't focus on the feeling of swimming at that moment. Rin was right on her heels and she wasn't about to just let him get past her. She wanted to shock him. She wanted to win. But most of all, she wanted to see that smug smile of his disappear in the wake of her white water.

Smacking her hands into the wall, Ellie flipped through her turn and pushed off the wall with as much force as her legs could generate. Out of the corner of her eye, Ellie could see Rin, still halfway through his turn and looking panicked from the look of his rushed turn. She was getting a rise out of him. _Good_.

Swinging her arms over the top of the water at an even more accelerated pace, Ellie gasped for air with every limited breath she allowed herself to take. She couldn't ruin her rhythm, not at the expense of the speed she wanted to maintain. Ellie tried her hardest to keep calm, to keep her legs kicking strong and her arms continually moving. But Rin had almost caught up, taking advantage of her low energy reserves and slower than average stroke rate. Ellie winced beneath the water. She was going to have to swim the last twenty-five metres without any breaths at all. Ellie could almost hear herself groaning with annoyance inside her own mind. _Well, b__etter late than never_.

With twenty-five metres to go, Ellie took her last deep breath, getting her last look at the finish line, before forcing her head down and letting the last of her adrenaline push her to the end.

One, two, three. _Oh God, I need to breathe_.

Four, five, six. _I don't think my lungs have ever burnt this much before_.

Seven, eight, nine. _Jesus, my fingers are going numb_.

Ten, eleven, twelve. _Come on, just one more stroke_.

Thirteen. _Done_.

Oxygen. Oxygen was the only thing Ellie desired when she finished the race. She could hardly feel any of her muscles and even of those few muscles she _could_ feel, simply burned with lactic acid. Arms aching and vision blurred, Ellie ripped off her cap and goggles with one clean swipe and noticed that a dull ringing had formed in her ears. Everything ached and complained as her muscles slowly escaped numbness but Ellie didn't care. She'd won. And miraculously, she felt..._happy_ about it. _Swimming_ had made her happy. Ellie almost felt like crying tears of joy.

"Hey." The ringing in Ellie's ears had almost completely disappeared, leaving only a feeling of pressure built up in her skull, like someone was pressing their full weight into either side of her head. She looked up at the source of the voice, meeting the eyes of her beaming best friend. "Won by seven seconds. You achieved a gap of over two body lengths in less than four of those seven seconds. You could've given him a break on that last twenty-five there, Ell. Don't want humiliate the poor guy."

Ellie laughed. She didn't quite know about that but as she pulled herself out of the pool and leaped into Carla's arms, she knew one thing. She wasn't irreparable. The damage that the expectations and hopes of others had done to her was not permanent. It could be undone.

And Ellie knew exactly how she was going to repair herself.

* * *

Sunrises had always been a favourite sight of Ellie's. The colours splashed across the sky like the paint on an artist's canvas. The subtle warmth of the first rays of sunlight that would hit her face at dawn. The promise of a new day, a new start, and the fear of the ending that the day held. A horrible privilege, Ellie had once described them, a curse on her conscience and a gift to her sight.

Running in the mornings was a habit Ellie had developed at age ten, just after she had moved down from the hot and humid town of Tweed Heads. The Central West, although blistering hot during the summer days, was unfathomably cold in the mornings, no matter what the season was. Morning training sessions were held outside during the summer, just the same as the afternoons, and after her first session of shivering and cursing in the freezing waters of the chlorenated pool, Ellie decided that she would never participate in morning training sessions again. After debating with her parents for over a week on a proactive alternative for her lost training sessions, Ellie finally settled on early morning runs as her subsitute. And even after seven years, she'd never had a morning where she hadn't ran.

Ellie panted softly, the sound of her laboured breaths breaking the general silence of the morning. She was surprised she even had the energy to run at all, let alone complete Sakura's running track in thirty minutes straight. She'd been running on seven cups of coffee and health snack bars since she got back from the race with Rin, her muscles turned to mush by the time she made it back to the dorms. All she wanted to do was sleep, sleep and maybe even sleep some more. Simple.

But for some unknown reason, Ellie couldn't bring herself to sit still. She was still too buzzed and giddy from her race that morning that she hadn't even managed to get herself to sleep. Instead, she spent the night tossing and turning before promptly deciding to hang around the dorm's lobby until the supervisor was allowed to let her out. She'd been bursting with unused energy that had slowly built up inside her and stopped her from reaching sleep. All she wanted to do was run outside in the open air. To see the sun rise over the horizon as she always did.

Being awake for over twenty-four hours with only three hours sleep counted in between was obviously taking it's toll on Ellie's mind, not to mention the fact that her body was near dead by the time she reached the front of Samezuka Academy. There was a clearing opposite the campus that provided a perfect viewing point for the oncoming sunrise. Exhausted, Ellie had sat herself down on the lush grass and waited for the sun to peek out from under the horizon. She sat there for an hour on end, listening to the music on her phone whilst recalling yesterday's events.

Hysteria had followed Carla and Ellie's victory against the boys, their lost hours of sleep resulting in an emotional response from herself. Carla had laughed kindly at Ellie's tears, listening quietly to the revelation that her best friend had come to. It didn't take long for her to figure out that Ellie was now set on joining Samezuka's club, on competing for the year rather than simply studying and relaxing. Her reaction was as expected; a collection of loud squeals and uncommonly fast spoken words whilst jumping up and down on the balls of her feet. Ellie remembered thinking that for a girl who had an equal amount of lost sleep as her, Carla was surprisingly energetic about most things that day.

A debate insued between various officials at the school and Carla regarding how exactly the two girls would join an all-boys school swim team. Ellie stayed right out of it. Despite her quick wit and good head for words, Ellie had never really been that good in arguments. Her two main defence mechanisms were firstly, shutting down and blindly agreeing with whatever the other person said, or secondly, mindlessly screaming and yelling to try and get her point across until she got sick of the argument. So she stayed well away and let Carla deal with those little problems.

Instead, Ellie chose to sit herself down cross-legged on the sideline and watch the relay that had begun in the meantime. It had been between Samezuka and the boys that Rin had delayed their own relay to talk to. From the look of the other team, Ellie had guessed that they would lose. They took no time to warm-up before the race and they were too focused on talking the race over with each other that they had no time to focus on their own performances. Well, with the exception of the blue-eyed, black haired sullen looking boy who hung around the back, staring at the water as if it were the prettiest girl in the world. Ellie remebered laughing at the thought.

The race had gone by in a strange sort of blur, her eyes following each swimmer as they went by. Although Ellie's expectations were quite low, she was shocked to find that she judged the second team far too quickly.

Their backstroker was incredibly fast and had a better reach than anyone she'd ever seen before but he possessed the same problem as Ellie once had; he slowed down as he reached the wall.

The breastroker had a unfamiliarly slow start, even though he did manage to keep ahead of the Samezuka swimmer in the lane beside him, but his speed boost after the turn was enough to make the gap between the two teams a full body length. Ellie could understand the strategy but it was pretty much wasted on their butterfly swimmer.

His stroke was much too slow and he bobbed in the water, breathing every stroke, rather than skimming the water and breathing only every second or third stroke. She could see the raw talent in his stroke but it was _incredibly_ raw, indeed.

Their freestyler was another matter entirely. Ellie could have made a forty page essay on his style of stroke and how goddamn pretty it was to look at. She _swore_ she started drooling as she watched him swim up and down the pool. But as much as it was pretty to look at, it was too slow and in the end, Rin won out in the lane beside him. _How did we all know _that_ was going to happen? _

"You're up early." The sudden appearance of a brooding shadow stretched over Ellie's knees had almost made Ellie snap back to reality. _A teacher_, had been her first thought, come to take her back to the school for punishment and scolding for leaving the campus without proper permission. But the man's voice was too familiar for Ellie's ears to simply ignore. _Speak of the devil_.

Rin sat himself down beside Ellie, his hair looking damp under the quickly lightening sky. "I'm not exactly 'up' per say," she replied, tugging nervously at her ponytail. "I just haven't gone to sleep, that's all. Too much coffee, I think."

"Right. And how long have you been awake?"

Ellie shrugged. "All together? Well if you ignore the three hours I spent sleeping in the car on the trip here...about thirty-seven hours, give or take."

Rin scoffed at her answer and shook his head. Ellie felt a few drops of water hit her exposed arm, making the burning cold just a bit more painful. "I don't think that's particularly healthy for our newest member. Sleep's pretty important for performance, if you didn't know."

"You try sleeping when your internal body clock says you should be awake. Some of us don't handle jet-lag that well, thanks." Ellie kept her eyes down, firmly fixed on her bright yellow shoelaces, and tried her best not to look nervous around him. _He knows_, she thought. _Surely_, now _he knows_.

"And why are _you_ up this early, Rin?" Ellie asked to try and evict the thought from her head, although it didn't entirely work. "Let me guess? Morning training session?"

"Yes but not an official one," he replied. "How can you tell?"

"I may or may not have received a small shower when you shook your head a minute ago." Rin subconsciously touched his hair, an action that obviously surprised him. "Sorry. It's just too cold."

"Says the girl in shorts and a tank top."

"Well, I wasn't exactly going to go running in pyjamas, now was I?" Ellie rolled her eyes and tried her best not to laugh at her own joke. Another one of her bad habits, unfortunately. "Besides, it's not that cold. I did go running while it was snowing during last year's winter so, this is pretty tame anyway."

"Oh? And why weren't you at the pool training like you should be during last year's winter? A girl doesn't get two Olympic silver medals by sleeping through the mornings."

_There it is!_ Ellie sighed, making the noise as loud as she could. She could feel her heart begin to hammer against her chest as she panicked to find an answer, the subject of her achievements sending a spike of fear sailing into her stomach. _Calm down Ellie_, she thought, quickly avoiding Rin's eyes. _Just calm down_. _Change the subject. Move on. Let it go. Oh for the love of God, don't start singing the Disney song. You know it's horrible, don't deny it. _

"I hate early morning training," Ellie muttered in reply, not sounding as convinced in her convictions as she wanted to. "Considering the fifty-metre pool in my hometown is outside and mornings are freezing, I vowed never to set foot into a pool area before ten o'clock in the morning. Unless it's a competition morning, then I have no choice, but you get my drift."

There were a few moments of silence between them after Ellie finished speaking, the sun already beginning to slowly rise over the horizon as the silence threatened to envelop them both. Ellie would have let it. Anything to avoid talking about her achievements. She didn't want to know that she was such a good swimmer or that she was talented or that she was a legend in the making. She'd heard it all before and it made her sick to think that she'd have to hear it again. It wasn't that she wasn't proud of what she'd done. It was just that...well...she _wasn't_. Not anymore.

Swimming had consumed everything in Ellie's life, including her ability to care about what happened to her or anything related to her own skill. She'd only just started to resolve that problem yesterday morning, which resulted in her happy, sobbing tears. She didn't want to ruin her momentum whilst heading toward healing herself but Ellie had a feeling that is was about to be ruined anyway, by someone who obviously didn't know her distaste for compliments.

"I found out why you looked so familiar," Rin said, finally breaking the thoughtful silence. Ellie almost winced at the loss of the quiet. "I saw you race at the school nationals a couple of years ago. I saw you win gold in almost all your races, obliterating the girls on my school's team. It was...It was ridiculous. I've never seen anyone swim as fast as you before. It's like the water parts for you when you swim, letting you through so easily."

Ellie fought hard against the tears brimming in her eyes, biting her lip as hard as she could. She didn't known why she was so upset. She didn't even know why she was so close to crying. Ellie blamed it on the lack of sleep. "Please don't," she whispered. "I don't want to hear about it."

"Why not?" Rin asked, ignoring the battling tone of her voice. "You're amazing. And I mean that in every way. You-"

"_I don't want to hear it!_" Her chest felt like it was going to burst. Ellie couldn't understand why she was so angry. Rin didn't know that she hated almost everything about swimming, that her achievements made her sick and that she couldn't handle the stress of competing as she was anymore. So why was she acting like this? Ellie ceased to care at that point. She just wanted to get the anger out.

Rin looked at her with a concerned sort of gaze, the kind that Ellie was only used to seeing on her parents every time she would break down in tears for no particular reason whilst studying in the lounge room. _Please don't_. "Hey...Ellie...I didn't mean to upset you. I just wanted to tell you-"

"What?" Ellie snapped, staring back into Rin's wine coloured eyes as the tears leaked out of her eyes. "You wanted to tell me that I'm so _extraordinarily_ fast? That I'm a sensation to watch _glide_ through the water? That I have a bright, shining future ahead of me? Sorry to ruin your buzz Rin, but I've heard it all before. It's nothing new to me."

Ellie was surprised Rin even had the guts to reply back. She thought she'd cut him in half with her words but almost as quickly as it had appeared, the surprise faded from his eyes and a dark look of understanding replaced all emotion on his face. Ellie admitted that she liked the look of his face. It was simply pleasant to look at and she was near fixated on it when she realised what she was actually doing. Which was _staring_. _You really are losing it, you wackjob_.

Feeling slightly guilty for her outburst, Ellie shrank back into her usual self, shy and quiet as ever, and hugged her knees to her chest. "Sorry," she said. "I'm a little emotional. A bit on edge. Lack of sleep, I guess. Sorry. Again."

Rin smiled emotionlessly, looking ahead at the canvas of colours that painted the sky. "It's alright. I should have known."

"No, no, you shouldn't have. It was my fault. I...I sort of have a short fuse regarding anything related to swimming right now. I don't really like to talk about it."

"Can I ask why?"

Ellie only had one answer to that question. An answer that hadn't changed in over three full years.

"Swimming consumed me. And in turn...it _ruined_ me."

* * *

**A.N: The amount of times I deleted that last section was ridiculously too high. Not even gonna lie, this chapter was hard. And yes, I'm aware that the REALY one the first episode was a freestyle relay. I just changed it for the sake of not having to rewrite what I'd already written. If that made any sense...**

**Hello all new people who miraculously appeared out of nowhere *waves shyly*. Thank you to _Spankles, woohp, Savage Kill, SUPAfast JeLLyFisH_ and _Ryujin Mei _for the lovely reviews and thank you to all the people who followed and favourited. **

**It was incredibly hard not to stop smiling whilst reading your reviews while my Japanese teacher stared at me weird. Thank God she never thinks the worst of me. **

**_woohp_: At the moment, I'm planning a RinxEllie fic but I may change my mind, you never know. **

**Until next chapter, bye :). **


	4. Chapter III

**Chapter III:**

**Pushed To The Limit**

* * *

Carla always had a horrible sense of timing. Back home, she would always find a way to slip into a conversation at the wrong time or sneak into class after being _extremely_ late, _just_ as the teacher decided to look up from her own work to check on her students. No matter what she did, Carla was always finding herself in the wrong situation because of her incredibly horrible timing, and Ellie was usually the one who would have to save her from being murdered by someone she had off-handedly offended. Unless it was Ellie who she'd offended. Then Ellie would just try to murder Carla herself.

Carla's little talent had only made for an unpleasant distraction for Ellie over the past few weeks, from bursting through into their dorm room carrying armfuls of junk food while Ellie sat on the floor in a carefully structured circle of study notes and textbooks to waking her up at one o'clock in the morning by laughing too loudly at the show she'd been watching on her laptop.

Ellie could handle her friend's antics relatively easy, considering that she'd already been dealing with it for seven years straight, but there was only so much Ellie could take after a long while. _Especially_ when her little moments of bad timing were related to swimming.

The dorm was distinctly quiet for a Friday afternoon, with only the sound of Ellie's fingers tapping against the keys on her laptop filling the empty void of silence inside the room. Ellie had always liked the quiet. Being an only child, she had grown fond of being alone at certain times and having moments of silence all to herself, or in some cases, with the added addition of loud and angry music playing in the background, were what she was used to back home.

Living in a dorm with Carla wasn't exactly the quietest of spaces. The girl only ever stopped talking when there was a good TV show on to distract her and even then, she would scream obscene insults at the characters on screen until the scene moved on to the next. Not to mention the fact that she liked to blast various punk rock songs through her stereo speakers whilst studying most of her subjects during the day. Life was never quiet while Carla was around. But that didn't mean Ellie didn't get moments to herself. In fact, she got them far more of them than she originally thought she would have.

A soft buzzing sound drew Ellie away from her essay on the political movement in Germany during the nineteen-twenties, a topic that she found both strangely interesting and unbelievably complicated at the same time. Picking up her phone, Ellie flicked through her lock screen to find out who had found the need to interrupt her during her study day.

As expected, it was from Carla. **_Turn off your laptop and get down to the pool now. We're doing time trials._**

Ellie frowned.** _And what does this have to do with me? I thought we agreed that I train late on Fridays. _**

**_Not when time trials are on. We've got that public carnival on Sunday and they need to test our race skills. Seriously. Get over here. Rin looks like he's about to punch a wall or something. _**

With a frustrated groan, Ellie slammed her laptop shut. She reached for her goggles and cap that hung off the edge of her bunk and stuffing them into her swim bag as forcefully as she could. _I ask for one day_, she thought to herself as she snatched her black training costume out of her closet. _I ask for one day to myself but no, of course. Swimming comes first. As-fucking-usual_.

Ellie had been avoiding training with the team ever since her first training session as a member of the Samezuka swim team. Suffocating and claustrophobic were the two words she would have used to describe it. All eyes had been on her, watching her as she swam through her sets and then, whispering began in the lanes beside her whenever she stopped for a drink break. The whole ordeal reminded her of her first day at the Bathurst swim club, how she had spoken with almost no one and heard only of her success from everyone around her.

The experience made her sick and once the two hour training session was finally over, Ellie had gone sprinting out of the pool, leaving the rest of the team dumbfounded as to what was wrong with her. She didn't want to go back. She _refused_ to go back. And no one could convince her otherwise.

The alternative, however, hadn't been that much better in the long run. Ellie would wait until the whole team had left the pool before sneaking in herself and spending over three hours training in the pool all to herself. It was risky, considering she barely made it back to Sakura's dorms before curfew every night, but she still couldn't bring herself to train with the others. Their advisor had told them to learn what they could from her but Ellie wished that her team members would just come up to her and ask her comment on their form rather than just stare at her for an hour then spend the next hour trying to make their stroke a carbon copy of her own.

She knew that Rin wasn't happy with her constant absence from group training. One after the other, she'd received various angry texts from him, demanding to know where she was that afternoon rather than in the pool, training with everyone else. Ellie often ignored the texts. As long as she was still getting the training done, Ellie didn't think it really mattered whether or not she swam with the rest of the group.

Carla understood, although she seemed convinced that Ellie had somehow developed social anxiety which Ellie had promptly denied, and explained her alternative to their dear captain. Rin's texts then turned into something more reminiscent of passive-aggressive Post-It notes. Once again, Ellie ignored the texts. Rin could get angry as much as he liked. It wasn't going to change Ellie's mind.

Ellie trudged onto the pool deck with concrete feet, already twining her hair up into a bun before disappearing into the change rooms before Rin could spot her. Her escape plan didn't work as well as she would have liked. Carla stormed into the change rooms a few minutes later, dripping wet with an annoyed look on her fair-skinned face.

"_You_ are in so much shit," she said as she stood beside Ellie, her racing bikini clinging to her body. "It seriously looks like the flesh is about to melt of his _face!_"

"Stealing lines from movies now?" Ellie slung her bag strap over her shoulder and tried her best not to look into Carla's eyes as she left the change rooms. "I thought you were above that."

"Don't try to change the subject. You, my dear, are _screwed_."

Ellie scoffed, simply choosing to ignore her best friend for the time being. All she wanted was the time trials to be finished so she could go back to her dorm and finish her essay. Then she would be free to watch as much Game of Thrones and YouTube as she wanted.

Unfortunately, Rin wasn't in the mood for being nice. That much was obvious as he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her over to the side of the pool just as she was about to walk up to the blocks for warm up. _Here we go, _she thought_._

"Could you at least _try_ to be motivated?!" He hissed, finally letting go of Ellie's arm as they stop at the far wall, away from the team's prying ears. "For the sake of the team, at the very least?"

"I'm getting the training done," Ellie replied, staring back into Rin's fiery eyes as a sort of primal challenge. "What does it matter if I just don't feel comfortable training with the group?"

"It matters, Ellie. Don't try and make it seem like you're right here." _Why? Because I am?_ "This team is meant to learn from you. Tell me exactly how they're meant to learn from you when you're avoiding training with them?"

Ellie rolled her eyes and sighed, leaning back against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. "I don't know. Maybe they could actually ask me for advice on their swimming rather than stare at me from their lanes for a half the training session then try and spend the next hour trying to copy me? Because that gets real old, real fast."

"So does your constant complaining about swimming. You know, just because you don't want to swim anymore doesn't mean the others in this team don't want to swim either. Just because swimming 'ruined' you, doesn't mean it ruined everybody else. So maybe you should actually start thinking about someone other than yourself for a change."

The laid back manner at which Ellie had been arguing was quickly cut off as she let Rin's words sink in. _Just because swimming ruined you..._

Ellie fought hard against the urge to sucker-punch the wall behind her to avoid seriously injuring Rin for what he said. How dare he throw her own words back in her face? What position of power did he have over her to say such things, other than the fact that he was maybe about an inch taller than her and was the captain of the swim team? What right did he have to use her own problems against her?

Breathing slowly in and out through her nose, Ellie looked up at Rin with a vicious glare, her fingernails digging into her biceps as she tried to claw away the anger.

"Tread carefully from here on," she said calmly. "I wouldn't want to have assaulted someone on my third week. Bad things could happen if I did."

Rin maintained his angry facial expression but took a step back for safety before continuing on with his little speech. "Just get in the pool, Ellie. Things would go so much more smoothly if you would just cooperated."

"And maybe I wouldn't feel the need to get angry if you didn't just throw my own words back at my face like they didn't even mean a goddamn thing."

Ellie's reply was obviously unexpected, due the subtle widening of Rin's eyes, but she didn't wait around for more harassment to ensue. She just wanted to go back to her dorm and there was only one way she was going to be able to do that; by swimming.

After nominating her top four events for the carnival, Ellie was forced to swim individual time trials for each event, even though she had written down her personal best for each event with her nomination form.

One-hundred metre butterfly came first, in which Ellie somehow managed to cut one second off her personal best, which hadn't changed in over six months. The same phenomenom occurred in two of her other events, the two-hundred metre butterfly and the four-hundred metre individual medley, cutting at least two seconds of both times.

Ellie blamed it on the anger. By the time she had reached her four-hundred metre freestyle time trial, she was a lot calmer than she had been before and only managed to keep to the same time as her personal best.

Ellie coughed and gagged as she dragged herself out of the water, the effects of a wonky turn leaving her with water washing up her nose and her lungs intaking more pool water than they should taste of the water didn't particularly bother her, considering that Ellie had most liked swallowed the same collective amount of water as to what was in an fifty-metre pool during her life so far. The feeling was familiar but still unpleasant, nonetheless.

"Well, that was great," Carla chimed as Ellie sat down beside her, yanking off her cap and goggles to let her hair fall down over her shoulders. Somewhere in between her trials, Ellie's hair had come out of it's bun. _What a nuisance_, she thought, reaching for her towel that sat behind her on top of her bag.

"Yeah, sure," Ellie replied. "Maybe next time, I could make it out of the turn without inhaling half the pool."

Carla chuckled, smiling brightly to try and clear up her friend's foul mood. "Sure, that might help a bit. Are we still going to enter in the breastroke for fun? We're still making a bet out of it, right?"

Ellie shrugged and towelled the wetter parts of her damp hair as she spoke. "Yeah, I guess. It's our last year at school. Might as well have a bit of fun whilst doing it, huh?"

"Of course! There'd be no point if we didn't have fun anyway. Considering breastroke-"

"-is both of our worst stroke? Yeah, as if five years of swimming breastroke in a serious, competitive manner _before_ I dropped it wasn't enough torture. I'd only _ever_ swim it for fun now."

"Obviously. And we're both just as bad as each other, so we can fail together."

Carla smiled widely, her bright eyes shining as they always did, and put her arms around Ellie, pulling her into an awkwardly positioned side-hug that made Ellie feel like she was having her hips twisted out of place. Ellie laughed with Carla, trying to twist her way out of her friend's embrace but instead, ending up lying across Carla's lap, giggling like a silly little schoolgirl.

It felt good to Ellie to be able to laugh with her best friend again, to laugh until her stomach hurt so much that she was sure she would grow slightly more defined abdominals. The past week had strained their relationship, especially with all the assignments and tests that had been sprung on them both through their teachers constant emailing, but it was nice to finally have some sort of stress relief, even if it hadn't been planned as a stress relief at all. It helped Ellie forget that there were still people staring at her from the other side of the pool. It made her feel just a little bit less claustrophobic.

As Carla wandered off to find Rin with the intentions of entering the two of them into the one-hundred metre breastroke just for the hell of it, Ellie slipped in to the change rooms for a rather long shower. She received what she wanted; a long and scolding hot shower with maximum amount of time to simply stand underneath the water stream and let the remaining anger wash away, but when Ellie walked out onto the pool deck, the anger only seemed to well up inside her even more. Rin was waiting to ambush her. _I should have suspected_...

"What?" Ellie snapped. "Here to throw more of my own phrases back in my face?"

She had already thought of a better comeback line in case of the situation arising but she didn't think that Rin, as familiar as he was with modern English, would be able to understand half of the foul words that had come out of her mouth.

Rin sighed, looking down at the ground and back up again at her face. Ellie found herself thinking of kindly of his face and for some reason, even his entire body seemed nice to look at then. Her eyes wandered along his shoulders and chest, thinking of things she hadn't thought since Year 7 at the very least.

Ellie almost wanted to slam her head on the diving blocks. There was no way in hell she would ever allow herself to think about Rin in that way. As far as first impressions go, the boy wasn't making a good start.

"Ellie, I...I owe you an apology." Ellie almost couldn't believe her ears. _Am I actually awake or did I fall asleep back in the change rooms?_

"Really?" She said, searching Rin's face for any signs of deception.

Strangely, there were none. Although, Rin didn't exactly strike Ellie as the kind of person who enjoyed lying. "_Really_. It...It wasn't right of me. To just...use that kind of information against you. I know it wasn't fair. And I'm sorry for that."

Even though Ellie felt as if she should be holding a grudge against him, she couldn't ignore the fact that he was genuinely going out of his way to apologise to her. And it wasn't like she hadn't been a bitch to him either. On the scale of things, they were probably both just as bad as each other. Biting her lip, Ellie chose the high-road rather than the mean and spiteful road that she always took.

"Thanks," Ellie replied, the word tasting like acid on her tongue. "I may just hold this against you at one point or another, you realise that, right?"

"Oh I'm sure of it." Rin jerked his head toward the exit, silently asking Ellie to walk out with him, and the two walked out together in silence.

The experience was ever so slightly uncomfortable for Ellie, considering she had minimal knowledge on boys and basically next to zero experience with them altogether. The only man she had really talked to without making a complete mess of herself was her father and he was hardly a substitute for young men. Being a teenager was a complicated thing and being a swimmer on top of that had severely impacted on her general life skills. Yet again, Ellie found another thing that swimming had consumed. Her ability to be '_normal' _around boys.

Luckily, it was Rin who broke the silence. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Ellie shrugged. "Sure, I guess. What's this about?"

"What Carla told me about you feeling uncomfortable during training...what did you mean by that? I'm sorry if I stepped over a line by asking you and you don't have to answer but...I was sort of hoping for an answer...or a reason."

_God, couldn't you have asked about school or something?_ The question made Ellie almost twice as uncomfortable as she had been before. Not only did the answer involve actually talking about her own fucked-up mind, it involved speaking about swimming.

Ellie would have talked about _anything_ but swimming. Almost everything involved swimming in her life. Her schoolwork revolved around swimming, her social calendar revolved around swimming and her love life was practically non-existent _because of swimming_.

Shaking her head, Ellie crossed her arms over her chest as if to shrink further into herself than she already had. "It's complicated."

Rin shrugged, stopping at the Samezuka school sign, and smiled. "I have time."

* * *

"I hate stupid officials. That girl obviously did a double butterfly kick in the breastroke start and the guy didn't catch it. _I could see it up here_, for Christ's sake! Open your eyes man."

Carla laughed and handed Ellie another sickeningly sweet red liquorice that Ellie's mother had sent her from home. It had been among many other Australian foods that she had been deprived of over the past couple of weeks.

Ellie knew she shouldn't be eating them during a carnival. Her mother always advised her against eating processed sugar before races, as it usually have people an artificial high which would be good for the first race of the day but then the rest of your races would be completely horrible due to a sudden drop in energy levels. Ellie kept having to remind herself that the carnival wasn't a serious one. There was no urgent need to succeed and so, Ellie could swim for herself for the first time in ten years. Eating red liquorice wasn't going to hurt her in the long run.

"You _do_ remember that this is a public carnival, right?" Carla said. "You could be a little more sympathetic. At least they're trying."

"Says the girl who demanded that we have officials and proper marshals at the school carnival."

"At least it would have been fun seeing how many people would get disqualified."

The girls laughed loudly at the memory, the action making Ellie's stomach ache as if she'd just finished fifty sit-ups. Ellie found it surprising how happy she felt ever since she spoke to Rin the night before. It was as if a sort of weight had been lifted off her shoulders, although the rest of the other weights remained. It made her feel less hostile toward the strangers around her than before. _Rin_ especially.

The two of them had talked for over an hour, discussing the answer to his question at first, although Ellie had tried to keep her answer as simple as possible, but then, they branched off into more general questions. Getting to know someone was hard enough for Ellie, supposed social anxiety and all, but getting to know a boy seemed like an almost impossible endeavour to her. It scared her more than anything, but somehow, she was managing it. And the experience wasn't at all what she'd expected it to be.

As if she had telepathically latched on to Ellie's thought path, Carla softly bumped Ellie's hip with hers and raised her eyebrows suggestively. "So...how's Rin on this lovely day?"

"You know, I hate how you can read my mind," Ellie muttered, twisting the sleeve of her jacket. "I have no idea how to communicate with boys, you know that."

"Um, it's pretty simple. You talk to him like a normal person and actually hold a conversation for longer than five minutes. Considering that you came back from the pool an hour and a half later than usual, I'd saying you're doing pretty damn well. Also, did I hear you texting last night?"

"Oh shut up, you pervert. What do you care if we talked? And...maybe texted..."

Carla scoffed at my answer, laughing softly as she put her arms around Ellie's shoulders. "What do I care?" She exclaimed. "This is the best news I've heard in the last year. Jesus Christ Ellie, you could have a boyfriend by the end of the year!"

"Getting a bit ahead of yourself there, aren't you Funkita?"

"Not exactly. Rin likes you enough to care whether or not you're comfortable training with the team."

"He tolerates me. And probably pities me as well. Besides, I'm not pretty enough for anyone to think I'm attractive. And I have about as much personality as a wall. And that's being insulting to walls."

"That's not true and you know it."

"Says the gorgeous blonde who _doesn't_ have broad shoulders and thunder thighs."

Sighing loudly, Carla rested her head on Ellie's shoulder and hugged her best friend tighter. "You don't have thunder thighs, Ellie. And the broad shoulders are good. You can wear as many strapless dresses as you want and look good in all of them. Besides, you _are_ attractive. You're not pretty. That word doesn't suit you. You're attractive and that's that."

As much as Ellie valued her friend's opinions and advice, she still found it hard to believe the things she said. Ellie didn't think of herself as attractive. She thought of herself as an average beauty, with toned arm, leg and shoulder muscles accompanied by an ever so slightly asymmetrical face and baby blue eyes.

She didn't like how her two front teeth overlapped slightly and she didn't like how she had narrow hips that were forever making it hard to find jeans that would fit her properly. But Ellie didn't hate her body. In fact, she was quite indifferent to it. But it was the notion of being attractive enough for a boy to notice her that bothered her. Ellie was sure Rin didn't look at her in that way. Of that much, she was certain.

"Am I interrupting a bonding moment and should leave or is it okay if I stand beside you two without someone biting my head off?" Rin leaned onto the railings beside Ellie, his hair still damp from warm-up that morning.

Carla smiled, running her tongue over her teeth. "Oh, I promise _I_ won't bite off your head but you might want to watch Ellie. She doesn't do well with mornings."

Ellie had the urge to punch Carla in the gut. Just as she was about to do that exact action, Carla slipped away from Ellie and grabbed her cap and goggles before skipping off to her second event of the day. _Oh, how I hate you so_, Ellie thought as she went back to watching the events going on below and tried silently to avoid panicking.

"Not a morning person, huh?" Rin said, raising an eyebrow as if to question her with his actions. "It wasn't as if I _hadn't_ noticed that when you threw your drink bottle at me while Carla was braiding your hair."

Ellie laughed nervously and leaned down onto the railings beside him. "Yeah, sorry about that. I've been known to have a bit of a short temper during mornings. I threw a hair dryer at Carla during Nationals last year because she decided that it would be a good time to tell me that she'd lost my good pair of goggles."

"Wow, did it hit her?"

"No, she ducked at just the right time, as I recall. It cost me a pretty good hair dryer though, which kind of sucked but being me, I couldn't see that until about three hours into the afternoon."

Rin laughed, his shark-like teeth shining under the harsh pool lights as he smiled. "I wouldn't expect anything less of you."

"Ouch," Ellie said mockingly. "That comment hurt my soul."

"I'm sure it did. How's the bet with Carla coming along?"

"Well, at this rate, whoever loses the breastroke race has to carry the winner back to the dorms. Considering I've lost three years in a row, I expect I'll be carrying her home after this."

"Don't be so harsh on yourself. I'm sure you'd be more willing to win if there was another reward in it for you."

Ellie chuckled, elbowing him softly in the arm. "That's not funny, Shark Boy. It's not like you're going to offer me immortality."

"Oh, I thought it was pretty funny." Rin smiled wickedly, sending an effective shiver down Ellie's spine. _Ugh, hold your shit together Churchill. You're not some idiotic little teenager. Grow the fuck up and talk to him, just like Carla said. He's a normal human being, just like everyone else_.

Taking a deep breath, Ellie smiled back shyly. "Alright then. If not immortality, which I would have liked most of all, what are you prepared to offer me?"

Rin's grin only widened with her reply. "Dinner. As friends of course, out in town." _Oh Jesus, you have got to be kidding me_. "If you lose, you don't get to come with me but instead, you have to help me study for my English exam in a couple of weeks. Both conditions are pretty good but personally, I'll take food over study any day. Do we have a deal?"

"Well," Ellie said, trying hard to calm the panic bubbling under the surface of her skin. "I guess you _do_ have a deal. But I have one condition."

"Oh God, I'm not going to have to stand in a wheelie bin full of ice, am I? After what you told me, I'm really not keen on doing anything related to ice _or_ the freezing cold."

Ellie laughed and shook her head, struggling to get ahold of her nerves and speak. Anxiously she thought_, I am so going to clique hell for this_.

"Win your race against Haru," Ellie said slowly as nervously twisted her mother's silver signet ring on her middle finger. "And I'll help out with organising the first-year's training regime. Maybe I might even help coach a bit, if you win by a lot. But _only_ if you win. Got it?"

Looking back to the pool below, Rin smiled and turned his goggles over in his hands. Ellie liked the look of his hands. In her mind, she would have described them as pianist's hands. Ellie almost felt like laughing again. _I'm obsessing over a boy's hands_, she thought. _I will be the Queen of Clique Hell at this rate._

With a grin, Rin replied. "You're on then, Churchill."

* * *

**A.N: Muah ha ha, reusing lines is my specialty. Hi, new people...? I'm scared at the rate that this story is earning followers. *sweats nervously* The pressure is on. **

**Am I the only one who couldn't stop laughing at the cleavage bit of the new episode? I swear I was almost crying. **

**Thank you to _Aoi_ (who keeps changing her name) and _Savage Kill_ for reviewing and thank you to everyone else for following and favouriting. I'm still amazed at how many people like this story. **

**R&R please and wait patiently for the next chapter while I crawl into a corner and complain profusely about school. :)**


	5. Chapter IV

**Chapter IV:**

**Horrible Circumstances **

* * *

Stress was not something Ellie dealt with easily.

That much became obvious the day that Ellie had a severe anxiety attack after receiving her Year 9 mid-term exam results. It was sparked over a simple matter of one stupid mistake in her Maths exam, which, in the long run, wouldn't have hurt her results, but Ellie's mind had been latched onto the idea of achieving her teacher's expectations of a perfect result from her. She thought, in an essence, that she had failed. End of story, no questions asked.

Going into Year 12 was understandably a worrying concept for both Ellie and her parents. If she had an anxiety attack over a Year 9 mid-term exam, how was she going to cope with the endless amount of assignments and exams that would be piled onto her that year? Not to mention the fact that the eight-week-long, stress-filled HSC exams would probably kill her from the inside out. Add on the responsibility of being a House Captain and having to organise her own learning and studying periods for a full twelve months, Ellie knew that she was going to have a difficult time keeping it together. Unfortunately, she didn't know _how_ _much_ stress she'd be dealing with.

Being carried home by Carla was, most definitely, a highlight after winning her breastroke race against her best friend. Ellie distinctly remembered yelling various profanities that resulted in a quite a few stares from innocent bystanders. It wasn't until Ellie and Carla were safely back home, their hair wet from showers and Carla already beginning to complain about having to carry her best friend home, that Ellie realised something else. Rin owed her dinner. And it was something she _could not_ back out of.

Ellie's phone went off at one that morning. The device had been sitting on her desk beside her for the majority of the night as she stayed up to organise the Mercy House cheers for her school's athletics carnival. Her counterpart, Aisha, the other captain of Mercy, had gone to sleep only two hours earlier, after a long Skype conversation discussing the carnival but also, how things were going at home. No new news was reported, as expected, but that wasn't the thing that annoyed her. Ellie's was nearly turned to mush by the time Rin texted her, the tweaked lyrics of '_Fancy_' melding her thoughts together and sleep deprivation poking at her brain.

_**Hey. Plz tell me ur still awake. **_

Ellie physically cringed as she read the message.**_ Your text talk has seriously damaged the amount of active brain cells in my head, you do realise that, right?_**

It didn't take long for a reply to come back and much to Ellie's annoyance, Rin's texting skills were just as bad as before.**_ Wut's wrong with it? Don't u lik it? _**

Ellie sighed.**_ You missed an 'e' in 'like', Shark Boy. You breaking rule No. 1 of texting me. _**

**_Right. Sorry. Damn it woman, now you're going to make me think about grammar and punctuation at one in the morning. How is that fair?_**

**_It's fair to the many generations of people who developed the English language into the mass of words it is today. Now, what is it that you want at this extremely early hour?_**

Ellie had already crawled up into her bed by the time Rin's reply came through, the covers pulled firmly over her head and her phone's brightness turned all the way down as not to ruin her eyes.

**_I believe that I now owe you dinner, thanks to a wonderfully executed breastroke race that I imagine resulted in an incredibly annoyed Carla. How was the piggy-back ride home? _**

Ellie groaned and mashed her face into her pillow. _It's way too late to deal with this kind of shit, _she thought as she typed a nervous reply.

**_I'm surprised you didn't hear the swearing from your campus. And yes, you do owe me dinner, Shark Boy. Too bad you tied with Haru. You could have used my expertise whilst training the first-years. Sorry :(. _**

**_Aw, don't I get anything for coming in equal first? And for getting a tournament record? _**

**_Well, I guess you get a favour from me but only a minor favour. Nothing major. _**_Nothing major?! What are you doing, Captain Obvious? _

**_Hence the meaning of the word 'minor', Miss I'm-An-English-Language-Freak._**

Ellie laughed, although she muffled the sound with her pillow in an effort not to wake up Carla.**_ Harsh but good word use. Is that seriously all you wanted to talk to me about?_**

**_Ow, that sort of hurt. Can't I not just talk to you for the sake of wanting to talk to you? _**

**_Rin, I have been up for over four hours turning songs into House Cheers through Skype. I will never be able to get most of the songs out of my head for at least the next month and I am just incredibly tired. What do you honestly think my answer is going to be?_**

Ellie was almost about to switch her phone off for the night and ignore Rin altogether, when her phone buzzed for a final time.** _Am I allowed to ask for that favour now or would that be too much trouble?_**

Ellie sighed and quickly lost the debate with herself to switch off her phone and go to sleep.** _What do you need?_**

The answer wasn't something Ellie had been expecting._** Are you willing to help me with that English studying? **_

Ellie almost felt like laughing again._** So I get both the punishment and reward for winning? Go figure.**_

**_Come on, Ellie. Please? Don't make me go and ask Carla. You know she'll just teach me more text talk instead of the proper English that I need for the test. Please?_**

Ellie rubbed her eyes, trying hard to concentrate on the words on the screen. Did she even have time for Rin right now? Tutoring someone took up a lot of time, Ellie knew from experience, and given how incredibly packed her current schedule already was, Ellie _knew_ she couldn't possibly fit Rin in no matter how hard she tried. But there was the possibility of making the situation work if she tried hard enough. Making mental plans as she wrote, Ellie texted him back.

_**I'll help you, Rin but there is a condition I want you to agree with. **_

_**And that is?**_

_**You need to help me with my Japanese. One language for another, got it? **_

Ellie hardly even had to wait for a reply._** Deal. **_

* * *

"Damn. Tell me Ellie, when did _you_ become explicitly aware of the fact that we spend half our time around half naked men?"

Ellie rolled her eyes. Carla had been swooning over the new guy ever since she walked in and saw him take off his shirt to start training. Ellie almost felt like throwing Carla into the pool with her clothes still on. _She_ was the one who said that boys were human beings. Ellie find it quite ironic that even after she'd stated that, she had started staring at Sosuke as if he were a five-course meal. Or maybe even a walking-talking stress relief. Ellie couldn't tell the difference.

"Carla, what are you doing?" Ellie said, whacking her best friend with her cap.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm admiring the view."

"Can you stop?"

"No, not really. The view is quite sexy."

Ellie rolled her eyes yet again and headed over to the boys. Carla had came in ten minutes late and missed the introductions to Samezuka's latest gem, Sosuke Yamazaki. During said introductions, Rin had introduced her to Sosuke as the vice captain of the team, to which Ellie had hit him hard on the arm before realising that he wasn't actually joking. It had taken a quite few explanations before Ellie found out that only the captain of the team could choose the vice and Rin had chosen _her_, like the asshole that he was.

"You have better leadership skills than me," He'd said, trying to justify his decision as best as he could. "And you're better at coaching and giving advice. It wasn't exactly hard to make the choice."

Even though Ellie was firmly stuck in denial and fuming with anger, she contained her urge to beat Rin to a bloody pulp and made friendly conversation with Sosuke before Carla had burst in through the door, _still_ in her sleeping clothes. The amount of stress on Ellie's mind doubled as she let the news of her new position in the club sink in. _Great_, she thought. _More responsibilities for me._

Rin greeted her with a sheepish grin as Ellie approached. "Hey, Ellie. Nice of you to finally join us."

Ellie glared at him. "Don't think you're off the hook, Shark Boy. You better run fast when training's over because I _will_ attempt to murder you for what you did."

Rin's eyes widened at her words and he took a one step away from her for the general safety of distance, putting his hands up as if to mark his innocence. Sosuke laughed at his best friend, pushing his goggles into his eyes.

"Scared of a girl, are we Rin?" He said, stretching his arms out lazily. "I didn't think you'd be scared so easily."

"Oh, if only you knew what she'd do to me," Rin said jokingly, although there was a hint of truth in there. "Ellie, _what_ is Carla doing?"

"Lord knows. The girl's got the attention span of a fucking five year old."

"I do not!" Carla's voice sounded closer than Ellie thought she was, so close to the point that she was actually standing right beside Ellie but she just hadn't known that her best friend was there.

Holding out her hand, Carla smiled that charming smile of hers and introduced herself to Sosuke. "Hi. My name's Carla. I'm Ellie's quirky best friend."

Ellie groaned. "You did not just describe yourself as quirky," She muttered to herself, burying her head in her hands. "Sosuke, feel free to ignore her."

Strangely, Sosuke didn't reply to Carla straight away. He stared at her for a moment, looking her up and down with what _almost_ looked like puppy dog eyes. Carla blushed under his gaze, a sight Ellie hadn't seen in a decent four years. The two shook hands and began talking quietly and nervously, surprising Ellie even more.

Stepping back and standing closer to Rin, Ellie stared at the two. "Tell me Rin, has he ever acted like this before?"

"Not that I've ever seen," Rin replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "What about you? Has Carla ever acted like _that_ before?"

"Only once or twice, when we were like...twelve." Ellie shook her head and groaned yet again, putting her goggles over her eyes. "This is so weird."

"I'm hearing you. We'd better get training."

"Yeah. Definitely."

The pair began training together, with Ellie keeping ahead of Rin for the majority of the session and hardly ever stopping for a break. Carla and Sosuke didn't get into the pool until at least half an hour into training, much to Rin's dismay, but luckily, the two of them spent the rest of their time actually training hard to make up for the time they had lost. By the time training had ended, Ellie was simply glad to be able to get back to her dorm.

"Oh my good, gracious God," Carla exclaimed as she shut their dorm door behind her. "I may or may not be in love with that guy already."

Ellie rolled her eyes and opened up her laptop, checking her Skype for any missed calls. "I'm sure you are, Funkita. Hey, do you know when that English essay is due?"

Exasperated, Carla groaned loudly and spun Ellie out from her desk to face her. "Come on, Little Miss Tidal Wave! I swear to God, if I don't get to know him-"

"Carla, please stop. I am not in the mood for melodramatic, teenage drama. I _never_ am and you know that."

"Ellie! Be the best friend I need and just humour me!"

"Carla! No."

The beginnings of an argument were quickly interrupted by the loud buzzing of Ellie's phone, Rin's number decorating her lock screen like a blinking light. With a frustrated sigh, Ellie walked toward the balcony door.

"Sorry, I have to take this," Ellie called back to Carla, before slipping out onto the balcony to answer her phone.

Holding the device up to her ear, Ellie took a couple of seconds to gather her thoughts before speaking. "Hi," she said with an obvious sigh.

"_Wow, you sound annoyed,_" Rin replied, his voice ever so slightly digitalised over the phone. "_What did I do?_"

"Oh, you did a very bad thing actually but that's not what I'm annoyed about. Carla's just swooning over Sosuke, that's all."

"_Swooning?_"

"Thinking mushy, romantic thoughts of him that make me want to up-chuck my breakfast and crawl into a corner before dying of embarrassment."

"_Well, that was descriptive. So...you're still mad at me?_"

"You _think_?"

Rin sighed, the sound creating a sort of crackling noise on her phone's speaker. "_I'm sorry that I didn't ask you, Ellie, but I hadn't been able to make a decision for months and in the end, I just decided to go with my gut choice. And that choice was you_."

Ellie rolled her eyes and leaned her elbows down on the railings. "Oh, my heart's now turned to mush. Could you _be_ anymore corny?"

"_I suspect I can._"

"That was a rhetorical question, Shark Boy."

"_Rhetorical?_"

Ellie picked at the leaves on the hedge that grew around the balcony, anti-freeze coloured plants becoming the victims of her agitated state. "Rin..."

"_Oh, don't say my name like that. It makes me feel like I'm five years old again and about to be scolded for burning the carpet._"

Ellie raised an eyebrow. "You set your carpet on fire?"

"_Long story for another time._"

Rubbing her tired eyes, Ellie considered her options. "Rin, this is _serious_. I'm not cut out for this. I'm already walking a fine line in terms of time management. I'm responsible for basically most of my own learning this year. I'm a House Captain who has to organise events, songs and cheers, all whilst being over nine hours away from home. I'm a dedicated swimmer on top of all that and I don't know if I can put another title on top of that. I'm sorry but-"

"_I promise I won't ever ask you for anything if I know you don't have the time. And I promise I won't harass you on trivial matters or call you in the middle of the night because I can't decide whether or not to let a certain first-year join our relay team. Just please...please be my vice captain._"

Ellie suggested an alternative. "Ask Sosuke now that he's here. He's probably a better candidate for the role."

"_Do you even realise how many arguments we would have? Ellie, come on-_"

"Alright, alright," Ellie exclaimed, giving up on fighting with Rin, who was just as stubborn as her. "I give up. You win. I'll be your vice captain..."

Rin sighed with relief on the other line, his voice taking on a happier tone as he continued to speak. "_Thank God for that. I was about to start begging._"

Ellie smiled at that and shook her head before sitting down cross-legged on the concrete ground. "I thought you'd already started."

"_Ha, ha, very funny. Would this be a good time to take you out to dinner as consolidation for what I did_?"

"Consolation, Rin, not consolidation. And no, not now. I'm probably just going to go to bed now. I've been running on four hours sleep every day for the past week. I think I just need a decent night's sleep at this point."

"_Oh. Well, do you want to come over to my dorm on Sunday? I could use that study help._"

Ellie stifled a yawn with her mouth and took a few seconds to decide, her mind wandering slightly with the silence enveloping her completely. It wasn't exactly a hard decision to make. "Sure, why not. If I turn up in a singlet and track pants with about four paper filled folders, please don't be surprised. That's just what I look like when I study."

"_Oh, I'm quite sure. See you then._"

"Okay. Bye."

Ellie touched the '_End Call_' button on her phone screen and placed her phone down on the floor beside her. Ellie was too tired to question herself at that moment. She knew that she'd given in to Rin easier than she originally would have, letting him charm her into officially accepting her position as vice captain. Ellie honestly didn't care much at the time. Exhaustion had seeped it's way into her bones and clawed at her muscles until she finally gave in and went to sleep for the next few hours.

* * *

The next week went by with more strange occurrences than Ellie could count. Carla continued to charm Sosuke with her shining smiles and dazzling personality, all while confusing Ellie _and_ Rin even more with their strange behaviour.

It wasn't the oddest thing that had happened to Ellie, although it came pretty close, and after a while, the pair's constant closed-off conversations and text messages simply annoyed Ellie to the point of absurdity. Rin was almost as annoyed with Sosuke as Ellie was with Carla. During their study day, Rin had said that he'd considered throwing his best friend's phone into the pool just to stop the sheer amount of messages he seemed to receive at mealtimes from coming through. Ellie had already gone a step further. She was in the process of disabling Carla's phone for twenty-four hours, just to see how the blonde would react.

During training, the various members of the Samezuka team _finally_ began to approach Ellie for any help they needed with their swimming. At first, the experience was daunting to her. People had come up to her, one after the other, expecting her to share what she knew about things she was only half sure of. After a while, Ellie had step away and spend the rest of that first training session as vice captain, in her own lane where she could train by herself while Rin dealt with the rest of the problems that came their way.

Training then became a sort of chore after that day, as the first hour often revolved around coaching the first-years on their form or conducting time trials to test how fast the boys could be under pressure. Ellie constantly found herself staying behind after training, _just_ to get that extra hour of swimming in. Her day's were packed and Ellie often found herself staying up until three in the morning, finishing off the last of her House's plans for the athletics carnival, all whilst sifting through time trial results to try and categorise the candidates who wanted to become a part of the Samezuka relay team. That brought Ellie to the subject of Rin...

Ellie had unwillingly gotten closer to Rin through her role as vice captain. Unlike Carla, who seemed hell-bent on achieving '_first base_' with Sosuke, Ellie involuntarily got to know Rin in a gradual, reserved way. Long ended swimming-related texts turned into hour long phone calls that varied in the level of seriousness. Little mistakes made on school assignments turned into inside jokes. Advice and complaints about certain subjects at school over the phone turned into late night Skype calls to debate whether or not Nick Carraway _truly_ believed that Daisy Buchanan was _actually_ a self-righteous bitch with a life-wrecking agenda.

Their late night conversations about books, food and memories of home made Ellie seriously question whether or not she could ever avoid feeling _something_ for him. Rin wasn't exactly helping her distance him. He wasn't making it easy for her by giving her nicknames that she _swore_ he thought up whilst high on illegal substances.

All in all, it was easy to say that Ellie was exhausted by the time the weekend came about. The sun crept in through cracks in the curtains, light splashing across one side of her pillow as she woke. She'd managed to get to bed at ten o'clock that night, which was the earliest Ellie had ever gone to bed that week, and fell asleep almost immediately. The week had drained her completely, both mentally and physically, and she was very much ready for a simple day of lying in bed, her laptop open on her lap as she watched the last of Game of Thrones: Season Four. But, as fate would have it, that wasn't the case.

Carla cruelly ripped open the curtains that contained the sunlight to the balcony, the harsh rays of the sun hitting Ellie's face as she tried to hide from the light. Annoyed by her friend's antics, Ellie pulled the covers over her head and groaned.

"I am _not_ getting up today," She exclaimed from under the covers. "Please go find someone else to fangirl over Sosuke with. I am _really_ not in the mood."

"Ugh, you such a spoil-sport," Carla whined, kicking Ellie's bunk hard. The metal frame shook once but then returned to it's upright position and made Ellie feel a hell of a lot safer up in her bed.

Gently peeling her covers back, Ellie sat up and yawned, pulling down her singlet that had managed to crawl up her stomach halfway through the night and left a bit too much skin exposed. "Carla, no one has used the words '_spoil sport_' in a sentence since the sixties. And I ain't planning on going back to those times, thanks. I'd rather go back to sleep."

"Which you'll probably do anyway. Not why I wanted you to get up though."

Ellie groaned, rubbing her eyes in an effort to try and get the sleep out of them. "And what exactly _was_ the reason you meanly yanked open the curtains when I was obviously still trying to sleep?"

"Breakfast," Carla replied. "Out in town. We haven't actually gone wandering at all ever since we got here and I have to say that I'm getting a little bored with this dorm. And you know that if you don't come with me-"

"-You'll most likely get lost, given your horrible track record for forgetting your way around just about _everywhere_. Yeah. Got it. Can I at least have ten more minutes?"

"No. Get up, lazy ass."

After Carla's _incredibly_ motivating words, Ellie dragged herself out of bed with the upmost of reluctance and trudged off to the showers before Carla could chastise her any further. She took her time getting dressed, making Carla more and more impatient by the second. It was quite satisfying in a way, seeing her best friend type random messages on her phone as a foul expression polluted her face. By the time Ellie felt as if she finally looked decent enough to appear out in public, Carla was very nearly about to chew through her bottom lip.

"Thank God!" She exclaimed, jumping up from her desk chair as Ellie pulled away from her mirror and tried hard not to drop her mascara on the floor for the sixth time that month. "I should have put you on a bloody timer. That was ridiculous."

Grabbing her wallet and keys, Ellie followed Carla out of the dorm, locking the door behind her and making a mental note to never let her best friend drag her out of bed again. "Hey, this winged eyeliner takes time, my friend. _Quite_ a lot of time."

Carla rolled her eyes and dragged Ellie along, waving off the supervisor before skipping out the front entrance with a loud cheer. Ellie almost felt like turning around and going back to her dorm room to sleep through the rest of the day. She was far too tired for screaming and yelling, especially early on a Saturday morning.

After taking a long deep breath, Ellie endured her best friend for the rest of the day. Breakfast, admittedly, _was_ good, especially since Ellie had been living off coffee and energy bars for the entire week. Even if it wasn't the same kind of breakfast she was used to back home, Ellie was still happy to be having something _other than_ caffeine. Although, she did still have her trademark large cappuccino.

After their meal, Carla suggested that they should walk about town to try and familiarise themselves with the area. Ellie didn't even bother arguing. It wasn't like Carla would suddenly lose a portion of her personality and become any _less_ stubborn than before.

Ellie made an effort to let Carla go wherever she wanted, while she straggled behind and made _her_ best effort to look as bored as possible. Unable to contain her annoyance, Ellie pulled out her phone and texted the only person worth texting.

_**Please tell me that you're in town. If you aren't, I may just cry and that's not good because I'm wearing too much eyeliner for that**_.

The reply came back quicker than Ellie expected, her phone buzzing almost as soon as it settled in her pocket. _**I'm at the Iwatobi High School pool. Why?**_

_**The Fangirl Extraordinaire took me out to breakfast when I clearly did not want to and now she's dragging me around town. Only so much I can take of her antics. Halp**_.

Rin's reply made her laugh. **_You broke your own rule No. 1 of texting. And I don't recall giving Carla that nickname_**.

**_It was during a Skype call where she was awake and spent about five minutes yelling and screaming about Pierce The Veil and the fact that they weren't having a world tour. You wouldn't mind if I crashed training with the swim club, would you?_**

_**Not up to me. I'll have to ask Makoto**_.

Ellie's nerves began to rekindle in the pit of her stomach as she placed her phone back in the pocket of her jeans. Whenever she spoke to Rin, Ellie felt a strange kind of anxiety twisting in her chest, becoming more and more apparent as time went on. Ellie didn't know what it was, nor did she really want to, but whatever that anxiety was, it stopped her from considering staying '_just friends_' with Rin. So in turn, Ellie hated it. Just like she hated her Religion teacher for emailing her the assessment notification sheet for her first two assignments three weeks after it was given out. _The pain of long-distance learning_.

Ellie's phone buzzed just as she finished her thought. _**Are you**_ _**willing to help Rei improve his butterfly form? -Makoto**_

Ellie shrugged, although she knew that Makoto obviously couldn't see her_. I don't see a problem with that. You seriously don't mind me crashing your training session?_

_**You seem nice enough. Rin's vouched for you. You pass. I'll give Rin his phone back now. -Makoto. Ellie, get over here now before they send you anymore horrible messages. I suspect Nagisa has already copied your phone number down for later reference. Halp.**_

Ellie laughed and shook her head before replying back_. **Rule No. 1, infringement XD. I'll be over in a bit.**_

_I'm so screwed_, she thought as she slid her phone into her back pocket. _So very, very screwed_.

Ellie knew she couldn't avoid feeling '_simple_' feelings for Rin. However, it didn't mean she couldn't hate herself for doing so and she _did_, despite Carla's hormone fused reasoning that had been explained to her late on a Monday evening. Rin wasn't someone who Ellie could keep at a distance, no matter how hard she would ever try.

_I hate being a teenager, _she thought_. Everything's far too complicated for my own twisted mind. _

* * *

**A.N: Shorter chapter today. Or at least by my standards it was short..._  
_**

**I really should be doing my art homework rather than editing right now but eh, this is much more fun. Thank you to _Aoi_, _owlloveyou_ and that _Anon_ who's name I do not know for reviewing and thank you also to the many people who followed and favourited. *happy applause***

**I really do appreciate the reviews guys. It gives me an idea of what you guys like about the story and whatnot. Okay enough of me babbling, I'll leave you all alone now.**

**R&R and wait patiently for the next chapter :)**


	6. Chapter V

**Chapter V:**

**Most People Hate Crying**

* * *

Ellie didn't realise how much she would be wincing at Rei's butterfly form. _It almost hurts to watch, _she thought as Rei smacked his hands into the wall, finishing the fifty metre sprint she'd asked him to swim. _This'll take a lot of work._

"You're bobbing in the water," Ellie said as Rei was catching his breath. "You need to skim the surface of the water, not bob up and down. It creates too much resistance when the water hits your lower body. Work on keeping your body horizontal when you swim rather than just going up and down in the water. Do you get me?"

Rei looked up at her from the wall, the water dripping down his face in streams. "But it's quite hard to stay horizontal when you recommended that I only breathe every second stroke."

"It should actually make it easier."

Ellie sighed and turned back to the whiteboard behind her, her ramblings about form and water resistance dominating one side of the board while her make-shift butterfly specialist sets remained neatly written out on the other side. After examining the Iwatobi Swim team's original training program, Ellie almost felt like writing out an entirely new program for them to follow, rather than the easy training session they originally had up on the board. It was only about four kilometres long and was obviously written for a twelve year old rather than a group of older teenagers.

"Where the hell did you get this?" Ellie had asked when she'd finished reading the entire program, her fingers itching to make adjustments to the sets. "It's in no way hard enough."

Gou, Rin's bright and cheery but surprisingly serious sister, examined it once more, pursing her lips as she thought. "What do you recommend, in terms of adjustments?"

Ellie had shrugged, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. Out of the corner of her eye, Ellie saw Rin smirk, the small gesture of pulling her hair out of her face telling him that she was getting to work. He knew her all too well by then, from recognising that she fiddled with her goggles before she started swimming to knowing that she was anxious about something just by the fact that she chewed her nails.

Ellie tried her best to ignore him at the time but couldn't help cracking a small smile under his gaze. _Oh, how I hate you sometimes_...

Under pressure, Ellie gave suggestions to how they could improve their program, all whilst meeting the members of their team. Nagisa was the first to introduce himself, smiling widely and bouncing on the balls of his feet, while the others came up gradually and made their introductions with polite smiles and small talk. All except Haru that is, who only left the pool and spoke to her at Makoto's request. Ellie understood. From her limited knowledge of him, Ellie knew that Haru was almost as reserved as her but just not as shy around people he didn't know.

Ellie had found it slightly embarrassing that they all asked so many questions, questions that she tried her hardest to answer as simply as possible. Ellie had never liked giving away too much of herself to people she hardly knew. She wasn't like Carla, who got along with everyone and anyone. Like always, she was reserved, shy and quiet in her actions. Luckily, no one other than Rin seemed to notice.

Tapping her finger on the final sprint set, Ellie flicked onto the stopwatch function on her phone and explained the set to Rei. "Okay, last set. You're on a one minute and thirty second time limit. The remaining time when you finish a fifty will be your rest time. I believe I've already explained to you how medley sprints work, right?"

Rei nodded, pushing his goggles into his eyes before turning his back to her. "I promise I will exceed your expectations, Miss Churchill."

"It's Ellie, Rei. And don't underestimate these sprints," Ellie replied. "When I first swam them, I'd just come back from the Youth Olympics and I expected them to be easy. I'll tell you right now, they _hurt_. If it hurt for a Youth Olympic silver medalist, it _will_ hurt for you. I don't want you to exceed expectations. It's about pushing through the pain. Just keep thinking, no matter what, that the pain is worth it and that the faster you go, the more rest you'll get and the quicker you can finish the entire set. You ready?"

Ellie didn't realise what she'd said until it was too late. The words had just slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, the weight of those two silver medals weighing down on her as the entire team stared, awestruck.

She felt like such an idiot, such a fool, to just say those things without even thinking. Ten minutes ago, Ellie was just an exceptionally good swimmer with a presumably good future. They hadn't suspected anything of her. Yet again, Ellie knew she would find the expectations she had worked so hard to escape come flooding back into her life like the ocean's tide.

Nervously twisting her ring, Ellie looked down at her lap and quickly thought of a way to avoid the interrogation that was to come. According to her panicked mind, there was _no_ sneaky way out. _Shit_. "No questions until _he_ finishes his set," She said with a sigh. "If anyone asks me anything before then, I'm not saying anything at all."

The group continued to stare at her in amazement before her words finally sunk in. Hesitantly and cautiously, as if walking through a sleeping lion's den, the team got back to training and Rei was gone before Ellie even had the time to start her stopwatch. _They're all so eager,_ she thought, staring at the unsettled water that Rei left behind. _Eager to hear of my achievements. God, how humiliating._

Ellie tapped her heel against the concrete diving block that she sat on, her eyes watering at the thought of talking about her Youth Olympics experience. She didn't want to talk about it. Ellie didn't want to ruin the weeks of good experiences and general happiness that she'd had through swimming.

Somehow, Ellie felt as if she was beginning to love swimming again. She no longer hated how water collected in her ears after training. She no longer cared about how she couldn't stand the burning sensation she felt in her arms halfway through a set. Slowly but surely, she was healing and the hole in her heart, that swimming had created, was finally beginning to close.

Ellie didn't want to ruin her progress by talking about the one thing that had truly ruined her, the one thing that had killed her love for swimming stone dead. She didn't want to listen to their compliments or praise for her. She didn't want to answer their questions. All Ellie wanted was to be treated like _herself, _rather than the person that everyone else seemed to believe she was. She was just Ellie, the farm girl from a town hidden behind the natural wonder of the Australian Blue Mountains, with a brighter than average future and a talent for her chosen sport. _Nothing more_.

Ellie silently thanked her mother for buying her waterproof mascara two weeks before she left home. Even though her tears were quickly wiped away by the back of her hand, Ellie suspected it would have been harder to hide that she was upset if she'd had black smudges dripping down her cheeks.

Toward the end of Rei's set, Rin wandered over to where Ellie sat. Water dripped off his body as he sat down beside her on the block, her eyes fixed firmly on her phone's stopwatch as she focused hard on not slipping into a meltdown. She couldn't. She _refused_ to shut down.

"You don't have to tell them anything," he said, sounding sincere in his declaration. "I don't understand why you refuse to talk about..._those experiences_. You should be proud of them, from my point of view, but it's your decision as to whether or not you want to share them with others."

Ellie smiled humourlessly. "Do you think they'd judge me? Would _you_ judge me, for the things that I have to say?"

"Huh?" Rin stared at her with a confused look on his face, Ellie's words sounding too cryptic and riddled for his ears. "What do you mean? Of course, I wouldn't judge you."

Ellie shook her head, sighing loudly. "You see, that's the thing. You never realise how wrong you are about a person until you hear them speak from the heart. You don't know if you'd judge me, Rin. You've just never heard me talk about success like I wish I could."

"And what do you have to say about success then?"

Ellie's answer was simple but it didn't require many active brain cells to recognise that she was hiding a large portion of the truth. That was just how Ellie was. She never gave her all to anyone. Not even those she held dear. She always needed a piece of herself that was her own and no one else's. _Something of that sentiment._..

"Success is a tainted concept," she replied. "It either goes to your head or rots your spirit. For some of us, it goes well but I'm one of the unlucky ones."

Just before Rei came into the wall, Rin questioned her once more. "Unlucky how?"

Pressing her finger to the off switch on her phone, Ellie stood from her seat on the block and sighed. "You don't get to know everything about me, Rin. Not yet. I'm not that kind of person."

Rin raised an eyebrow. "What kind of person is that?"

"The kind of person who admires her own success."

Water splashed up onto ledge of the pool as Rei finished his final sprint, two seconds under the time limit. Ellie was slightly surprised. She expected him to crack within the first few minutes but he managed to hold it together throughout the entire set. It'd have to do, at least for the moment.

Rin continued to stare at her throughout the rest of the afternoon with a vague kind of suspicion, as if she was hiding some great secret from him that would change his view of her forever. In short, that was actually _exactly_ what she was doing. But Ellie didn't think that Rin was the one who had to be ready to hear the full explanation of her past.

It was Ellie who had to be ready. Ready _and_ willing.

* * *

"I know what you're going to say."

The sun had slowly begun to set on the day as Ellie walked home with Rin by her side, a solid twenty minutes of total silence between them. Ellie, wanting nothing more than to avoid the interrogation that was to come from Rin's friends, had made some bullshit excuse about having to study for her mid-term exams and having to get back before sundown.

Although the mid-term study portion of her excuse was true, Ellie knew full well that she had lied to get herself out of having to answer questions about the Youth Olympics. She supposed that in Rin's eyes, she was a coward, maybe even just a generally selfish person, but she honestly didn't care about what he thought of her on that matter. Ellie felt that her peace of mind should always override other people's opinions, no matter the issue.

But still, there was a guilt that had been expanding inside her chest ever since she'd denied Rin any explanation for her actions or her secrecy. Ellie suspected that it was to do with her compulsive need to please everyone. Even if she didn't want to, Ellie would have to explain her reasoning for things eventually and she knew that it would most likely be sooner than she'd like. Even if she wasn't ready, Ellie might have to explain. The concept scared her more than anything but it was a very real concept, nonetheless.

Rin turned his head to look at Ellie, her words breaking the silence that had been so awkwardly nurtured through the last twenty minutes. "You think I'm a horrible person, right?" she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she walked. "Of all the things I could loath in the world, I choose to loath the _one_ experience in my life that most others would classify as inspirational and life-changing. I know...pretty bad, in most people's eyes."

Rin sighed and raked a hand through his damp hair in a nervous twitch. "I don't think you're a horrible person, Ellie. I know you have your reasons."

"_But_ you...just don't understand them, am I right?"

"Well, I don't actually know what they _are_, Ellie. You refuse to tell me."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," she snapped. "I'm just not...I just _don't_-"

"Don't what?" Rin said, stopping dead in the middle of the pathway, his tone hitting Ellie almost as hard as a speeding car. "You don't _what_, Ellie? I've known you for over a month now. At some times, I feel like I know you better than those around me but then other times, I feel like you're just some stranger to me. I don't understand _you_, Ellie. You're a puzzle. A puzzle that's missing a piece."

Ellie groaned and rubbed her neck nervously, the situation quickly favouring Rin over her in terms of common sense. Ellie didn't know how to avoid this one. She wasn't in the position to just yell at him and run away. Rin deserved a genuine explanation and Ellie wanted to give him one but mentally, she just wasn't ready. _Goddamn my social anxiety_.

"Rin, I...I _do_ want to explain things to you," she said, her heart hammering in her chest. "But I don't do well with..._people_, if you understand me."

Rin looked unconvinced of her excuse. "People?"

"Well, I'm not exactly a '_people person_', if you know what I mean. I don't make friends easily. I can't stand to talk to people who I hardly know but act as if they _do_ know me. I have trouble expressing my emotions and worries to basically _everyone_, even Carla and my parents. I'm not...I'm not the kind of person who can explain things like this without...'_giving away_' a piece of myself."

"You're talking in riddles again, Ellie," Rin warned, taking a step closer to her before placing a hand in her shoulder. "Slow down a little, take a breath and then talk. Don't push yourself to breaking point. It won't do you any good."

Ellie bit her lip, biting back against the frustrated sobs that had almost climbed their way out of her throat. How had she become so weak, she wondered? When did she become so emotionally unstable that she couldn't even speak to someone who she would consider as a friend?

Ellie felt like some outlying factor was to blame, some insignificant factor of her personality or mind set, but in reality, she knew it was all her. _She_ was the one who made herself a rambling mess when confrontation came. It was _her_ who couldn't find a way to pull herself out of the pit of worry and paranoia that she'd found herself in. It was ridiculous, really, that she couldn't even explain why she hated her success so much to the point that she broke down in tears just at the thought of it.

Burying her face in her hands, Ellie took Rin's advice and slowed herself down, taking a long and deep breath before speaking once more. "I'm such a ridiculous _mess_, Rin. It may not seem like it on the outside but I'm near dying on the inside here."

Rin chuckled, although he was laughing with her, not at her. "Yeah, I noticed that. How did you even do _any_ of the things you've done, Ell?"

Ellie laughed, despite the aching in her chest, and dropped her hands back down to her sides, the tears that were once brimming her eyes having disappeared in an instant.

"I've always been a nervous wreck before I swim. Just look up '_2016 Youth Olympic Women's 100m Butterfly_' on Youtube and just watch how many times I touch my goggles and cap." Ellie held up a hand, "Nervous twitch, I guess."

The tension that had weaved itself into the air suddenly unravelled with the joking that had passed between Rin and herself, although Ellie could still feel the tightening in her chest as she spoke.

Being more aware of her surroundings, Ellie noticed that Rin's hand had remained on her shoulder. She noticed that he was closer than he'd ever been before and she noticed that his sympathetic smile made her blush ever so slightly. Ellie groaned inwardly. _Do I have to be a typical Mary-Sue? God, if you're not going to write these kind of characters on the page Churchill, then don't bloody act like one. Idiot_...

"You right now?" Rin asked, his use of general slang revealing a slight Australian accent in his English. "Do you want to talk now? Or should I go away and wait for you to text me?"

The option was there but Ellie felt as if texting him would almost dehumanise her and her problems in a way, like it would disconnect herself from him. _No_, she thought. _I want to do this the right way_. And in Ellie's mind, there was only _one_ right way.

"Can you give me some time?" she asked, sliding her hands into the pockets of her jeans as the urge to chew her nails poked at her mind. "I just...I need some time to find a way of explaining _without_ completely losing it. Not to mention the fact that I kind of just need _time_ but-"

"You need to get used to the concept of giving up a piece of yourself, right?" Rin sighed, letting his hand drop to his side. "I kind of feel like you don't trust me here, Ellie."

"That's not the case, Rin," Ellie said in her defence. "I trust you, I do. But you have to understand that I don't like giving up pieces of myself. I don't like explaining."

"Why?"

Ellie scoffed at his response, rolling her eyes impatiently. "Because I'm the type of person who wants to please everyone. Time after time, after fucking time, I give my all to the people around me for the sake of _them_, and then I leave absolutely _nothing_ for myself. In the end, I never get what I want. No one ever considers it either because they just assume that I'm happy as I am. No one ever even asks."

"Have you ever considered that's because you're an incredibly hostile person to most people?"

"God, yes, Rin! Yes, of course I've considered it," Ellie snapped. "I know, okay? I _know_. I realise that my personality is split into sections that make next to no sense. I _realise_ that I can be a temperamental bitch the majority of the time but _that's just me_. No one ever sees past that stereotypical facade that's covered me like a mask for so damn long. No one ever sees past it, Rin. _No one_."

Rin stared at her as if Ellie had wounded him, the shock clear on his face as he spoke. "I can see past it. It never fooled me."

"Yes, but you see, it fooled everyone else," Ellie replied, breathing hard as she dug her nails into the inner fabric of her jeans. "I have to go."

Ellie turned to leave, slowly spinning on her heel as she fought against the tidal wave of horrible thoughts that flooded her mind, but Rin stopped her, snatching her elbow and gently yanking her back. "Wait, Ellie-"

"Please don't." Ellie struggled to get the words out of her mouth, every syllable sticking to her tongue as she spoke. "Please...just don't stop me. I need my time. I trust you, Rin. I trust you enough to call you a friend. But now, it's your turn to trust _me_."

Ellie avoided Rin's eyes out of principle, staring down at the concrete ground and letting her words sink in. "Ellie, I _already_ trust you. Just...when?"

Smiling sadly, Ellie replied. "You'll know."

* * *

Getting back to her dorm had never given Ellie so much relief after her argument with Rin, the frustrated tears and inner agony nearly suffocating her as she stumbled into the room and severely startled her best friend.

Carla, seated at her desk with various textbooks open by her laptop, turned her head to look at her best friend with a smile, which, at seeing Ellie's expression, faded from her face. "Ell, what's wrong? What did he do?"

Ellie hugged herself, letting the first of her fresh tears fall. "Nothing," she whispered. "He didn't do anything. It was all me."

In an instant, Carla was up from her seat and over to her best friend, pulling Ellie into a hug that she so severely needed. Once in the arms of her best friend, Ellie let go of all the horrible feelings that she'd been keeping inside for the entire length of her trip home and sobbed in sadness for the first time in over a year.

Ellie never liked crying while she was upset. Happy tears were a different thing altogether, considering Ellie always cried when she was incredibly happy, but crying for sadness or anger simply made her feel lost. She could never control how her emotions as the tears fell down her cheeks in horrible streams and uncertainty poured off her in waves. Often, Ellie would forget exactly what she was upset about after a solid half an hour of sobbing and could simply pull herself together before moving on with her life. But not tonight. Ellie knew she wouldn't be able to forget what had happened as easily as other situations.

Huddled on her bed with Pretty Little Liars playing on the laptop placed precariously between them, Carla kept one arm around Ellie as her best friend's sobbing slowed to silent tears, blankets wrapped around the two in a sort of cocoon fashion. Hitting pause on the show, Carla broke the wonderfully comforting silence with her concerned questions.

Hugging her best friend tighter, she asked, "So what happened? You say it was all you but-"

"It _was_ all me," Ellie replied, feeling an ugly sob rise in her throat before swallowing it down. "I did the same thing I always do; I pushed him away. He asked questions and I took to the flight section of the fight or flight response."

Carla sighed. "Well, that always has been your strong suit. What did you say to him?"

"Things I shouldn't have."

"Gonna need a bit more of explanation than that, Ellie-bear. What happened? And don't bullshit me either. I can see straight through you when you do that and you know it."

Ellie mashed her face into Carla's shoulder, clinging to her shirt for dear life. _Why do I have to explain everything?_ "You know that feeling you get when you want..._so_ badly to tell someone something but you just can't find the words to describe it?"

Carla nodded cautiously, listening intently as Ellie went on. "Well, I'm forever stuck with that feeling. When Rin asked me about the Youth Olympics and why I hate success so much, I just...I just _froze_. It was like I'd forgotten how to speak altogether. In the end, I just avoided the question, like I always do, and then everything went-"

"Incredibly wrong?" Carla said. "Ellie, I don't know how to put this."

Ellie furrowed her brow, sitting up straighter to watch her best friend's expression. "How to put _what_, exactly?"

Carla sighed, her expression changing from sympathetic to conflicted in a split second, and untangled herself from their cocoon of blankets. "Ellie, you're honestly like a bomb field. Most people have to tiptoe around you so as not to be blown up by the things that would upset you and there's a hell of a lot of things that upset you, Ell. I understand that it's in your personality and that the world has been both with you _and_ against you in a lot of things. But I am telling you right now, if you push away Rin like you push away the rest of us, I will _slap_ you into a new tomorrow."

Ellie hardly knew what to say. "Um...I don't think I follow you."

"Oh you do, you're just not listening," Carla snapped in return, a small pout forming on her face. Ellie sensed a scolding in the making inside her best friend's mind but Carla's tone suggested something else. She was quiet, serious and sincere rather than angry and bitter, as Ellie had expected.

With her best friend listening curiously, Carla continued. "Ellie...I think Rin is the best thing that's happened to you in a _very_ long time. And I don't mean that in a romantic way either, although I'm not saying it isn't implied. Before this trip, I used to watch you walk around in this world with this kind of constantly..._worried_ look on your face, as if you carried the expectations of the world's population on your shoulders. You never seemed happy and you were always on edge, like one wrong move would send you spiralling into a meltdown. But now, somehow, you've changed."

Ellie raised an eyebrow. "_Changed?_ Dear God Carla, please tell me you're not going to give me one of your speeches right now."

"Oh, hush you. You need to hear this." Ellie rolled her eyes and leaned back against the wall, keeping her mouth shut as Carla continued.

"Ellie, I honestly think Rin is good for you," she said, lightly gripped the sleeve of Ellie's hoodie and tugging gently. "You're starting to laugh again, Ellie-bear. You're making jokes. You're _smiling_. You're finally acting as if you're living for the sake of yourself rather than for everyone else. I'm scared, Ellie, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of living in a world where I'm never going to see my best friend truly happy. I _thought_ that once you finally realised that there was a way to live without the expectations and standards of others weighing you down, that you could be _truly_ happy."

"But..." Ellie said, addressing the question hanging in the air.

"_But_...I'm terrified that you're going to throw _that_ kind of opportunity away. Rin is your opportunity, Ellie. Don't you see that?"

"I _do_ see that, Carla, I do! But it's not so easy to just let him in like that. I'd be giving away a piece of myself, a piece of my soul. I want to change, Carla. But I'm just not-"

"Skilled with boys?" Carla said. "Yeah, I guessed that. Boys are idiots anyway. Fun idiots, but that's not the point."

Ellie laughed with a conflicted giggle, hugging her knees to her chest. "It's kind of ironic that the movie you stole that line from has a main character with the name of 'Ellie'. A main character who I _hate_."

"Hey, '_Tomorrow When The War Began_' was a good movie. Give Ellie some credit. The girl had to kill people."

"Sure but she could have dealt with it, rather than whined."

"Hm, sound like anybody we know?"

Ellie threw a piece of popcorn at her best friend and went to speak her mind about the veiled insult that had been thrown haphazardly in her face, just as her phone began to vibrate beside her as an incoming call came in. Ellie picked up the device and read the caller ID, cringing at the name that appeared. _Gou Matsouka_. _Oh, God, what's this about?_

Hesitantly pressing the '_Accept Call_' button, Ellie placed the phone up to her ear and waited nervously for Gou's voice. Carla silently climbed down from her bunk as Ellie did so, her laptop and bowl full of golden popcorn leaving with her as she wandered back to her side of the room. Ellie winced. _I could have used the comfort food_.

"_Hello?_" Gou greeted her on the other end of the line, her voice sounding uncertain through the speaker. "_Ellie, are you there?_"

Ellie swallowed hard against the lump rising in her throat and sank down underneath the covers for the illusion of safety. "Yeah, I'm here. What's wrong?"

"_I, um, I wanted to just say that I'm sorry...for this afternoon. If I had known how uncomfortable those kind of questions made you, I-_"

"It's okay. You didn't know, so it's not like you could have stopped anything. It's not your fault."

"_I guess so but I just felt so awful after Rin told me about the argument the two of you had over it and I couldn't get it out of my mind. I really am so sorry, Ellie. I had no idea._"

At the mentioning of Rin's name, Ellie froze, both physically and mentally. It took her a few seconds to collect her thoughts before replying and even those few seconds seemed like hours. Chewing on the inside of her cheek, Ellie replied. "Rin told you about our argument?"

"_Oh...um, yeah. He did._"

Ellie breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, fighting against the stupidly sad tears threatening to leak from her eyes. "What did he tell you?"

Gou took her time replying, a few unsure sounds giving Ellie the impression that she was finding it hard to come up with an answer. "_He...he wasn't angry, if that was what you were wondering. He was worried, actually._"

"I find that hard to believe."

"_Why?_"

Ellie felt a tightening in her throat, her words becoming hushed into whispers as she spoke. "Because I said things I shouldn't have. And I hurt him, I'm sure of it. I'm just...I'm just so angry with myself. It's not fair on him that I'm this kind of person. It's not fair on him that he has to have a friend like me-"

Ellie's words broke off as she sobbed unexpectedly, the tears she'd been holding back suddenly flowing again with a bitter vengeance. Ellie felt like punching herself in the gut and yelling at herself to toughen up. It was ridiculous how much crying she'd been doing in the last few hours. _Such a crybaby, god_.

There was a whoosh of static and inaudible words through Ellie's phone speaker, a familiar voice greeting her when the noise settled down. "_You shouldn't cry about me, Khaleesi. Might give people the wrong impression, don't you think?_"

Ellie could almost see Rin's sarcastic smile. Tearily, she smiled and laughed, sniffling loudly as she tried to contain her emotions. "I thought I told you that that nickname doesn't stick with me," she said in reply. "I don't even have blonde hair."

"_Yes but dragons would still be scared of you, Ellie. You've got the death stare of the gods._"

Ellie laughed yet again and wiped away her tears before taking a deep breath to calm herself down. _Stupid, stupid teenage hormones_. "I'm sorry, Rin. I really am but I just can't-"

"_Forget about it, Ellie. We've talked about it and it's over. It's_ done. _You'll explain things when you're ready and I understand that. I'm not angry with you. Can you please stop crying now and making me feel incredibly guilty?_"

Ellie smiled, rubbing her eyes with the material of her covers. "Sorry. I'm just being an angst-filled teenager, is all."

"_You got that right,_" Rin replied. "_Well, considering that I've effectively made you cry today without even noticing, should_ this _be a good time to use that dinner I owe you as consolidation for what I did?_"

"_Consolation_, Rin. Jeez, I'm going to have to explain the difference in definitions to you soon. Your English is getting sloppy."

"_Whatever, Churchill. Was that a yes or a no?_"

Ellie sighed and raked a hand through her shower-dampened hair. "I have mid-terms for the next two and a bit weeks. It'll have to be on a different weekend or something because I'm basically going to be studying all day, every day for the next two weeks to try and ace them."

"_Can you do it on the weekend that you finish your exams?_"

"Yeah, of course. Just be warned, if I break down in training and end up on the sidelines doing dry land work rather than actually swimming, try not to interrupt me. I punched a guy last year when I was going through end-of-year exams. It was not pretty."

"_I could imagine. Two weekends from now, got it. I'll see you at training then?_"

Smiling like an idiotic little schoolgirl, Ellie rolled onto her side and hugged her pillow to her chest. He hadn't slipped through her fingers yet. She still had him there, right in front of her, and she hadn't pushed him away. Ellie almost felt like laughing at her luck. _Maybe I just always think the worst of myself_.

Silently thanking Karma for being on her side, Ellie pressed the phone harder against her ear and replied. "Same as always, Rin. I'll be there."

* * *

**A.N: Well, this was a bitch to edit. And to write. And to just start in general. I deleted and changed the first section about ten times in a row before I was happy. Stupid perfectionist traits...**

**I honestly did not mean for this chapter to get so long but I was struggling to find a stopping point. I am sorry. Or should I not be sorry?**

**Thank you to onlyheavenknows, SheepRainbow, littlelightning, LilweenGalatrass, Azuki Bean and owlloveyou for reviewing. It's honestly the best feeling to read good reviews but I know that not everyone will like what I've written, so don't be afraid to point out things I could improve on. Also, thank you to everyone who favourited and followed. There are so many of you now o_O. **

**I may be able to get the next chapter up by the next new episode, although I'm not quite sure because I have a lot of assignments and tests due this week so *sob*. Wish me luck guys :)**


	7. Chapter VI

**Chapter VI:**

**Stupid, Stupid Boys**

* * *

Carla had been secretive of her laptop for only two days before Ellie started to become suspcious.

The blonde very rarely kept secrets, especially from Ellie, and often it was easy for her to spot that Carla was hiding something. Given the prior nature of Carla's secrets, which were hardly ever serious or life-changing, Ellie let her best' friends suspicious secrecy go and continued on with her studying for mid-terms.

The two weeks that passed were the most stressful that Ellie had ever experienced. Her mid-terms were a consistent source of anxiety as she trudged through her exams with varying degrees of sleep in between. Her Extended English, Modern History, Ancient History and Japanese exams went by easily enough, although she _had_ expected them to be easier for her, given the fact that they were her best subjects. Religion was a pain, as always, but Ellie pushed through it to try and reach the standard she often strived to achieve.

Although Ellie was only required to do five subjects in Year 12, she'd chosen an extra two subjects, Legal Studies and Biology, out of sheer interest. She needed a minimum of ten units to complete her HSC, which she far exceeded with her chosen subjects adding up to a staggering fifteen units for the year. Her school hadn't really minded that she wanted to do the extra subjects. She was already ahead in every curriculum and sending her teachers progress reports every week with homework as proof of her high level of study. Ellie was their star student. Why would they deny her the desire to learn more?

Ellie supposed her unwavering desire to learn from extra subjects was born out of her slacking off during Year 11. She'd kept to the minimum amount of units required, which was twelve, but only because she had training and fitness to worry about through the start of the new swim season. Ellie felt guilty about the lack of learning she had allowed herself during the previous year. She wanted to know more _and_ be more. If that meant more stress and anxiety, then that was the price that Ellie was more than willing to pay.

"Oh my God, thank the Lord that this is over," Ellie exclaimed as she slammed the dorm door behind her. "Legal, done. And that means my horrible, anxiety filled mid-terms experience is over! I think I'll watch the rest of The Walking Dead as a reward."

Carla groaned from her desk, typing away at her laptop with astounding speed, the foundation caked onto her face barely hiding the dark circles that decorated her eyes. "Shut up, Tornado. Stop bragging. It just makes me want to hit you."

"Wouldn't be the first time." Ellie sat down at her desk and switched on her computer, a monster of a machine that went over three large monitors and a set-up that she had built herself. She had her Year 11 I.T. class to thank for that. "What other subjects do you have left?"

"Music and Drama. Mrs Cannon has been on my back for the last week about this exam, _ugh_. I'm just about ready to claw her face off."

"Yeah, that's why Year 7 and Year 8 Music was enough for me. I really didn't want her for another few years."

"Says the girl who got Mrs O'Farrell for SOR."

"Hey. Our mutual friendship is on the mend."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure she forgot the time that you basically ran an entire lesson after correcting her on the morals of Buddhism. Keep thinking that, Ell. It'll do good for your confidence."

Ellie rolled her eyes and kicked off her shoes, clicking through her emails with vague interest. Just as she was about to put on her headphones and start watching the last of The Walking Dead episodes that she'd missed, Ellie's phone chimed as a text message from Rin lit up her screen.

"Let me guess," Carla called from the other side of the room. "Shark Boy?"

"Mmhm. You can't say anything, Funkita. At least Rin knows when he should or should not text me. Don't think I haven't noticed you texting Sosuke at twelve in the morning. You have your alert on the highest volume. Kinda hard _not_ to notice."

Picking up her phone off her desk, Ellie flicked through her lock screen and read Rin's message quietly to herself. _**Are you going to come visit me in my new dorm or are you being a horrible person and ignoring me?**_

Ellie rolled her eyes and typed up a reply. _**Well**_ _**I'm sorry but when you have a two hour exam that starts at eight in the morning, the last thing on your mind would be entertaining your red-haired, shark-toothed friend. Want me to come over now?**_

_**Yes please. Sosuke is starting to whine that he hasn't heard from Carla in a while. Plus, I need someone to watch me wallow in self pity as I try to recover from the Red Wedding. BTW, WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME, YOU SATAN CHILD?!**_

_**Muah ha ha. Feel the pain. The Lannisters send their regards, my friend. The Lannisters send their regards...**_

_**( - _ - ) I really hate you sometimes. **_

_**I know you do. Still want me to come over? **_

_**Oh yeah. At least you'll be able to stop me when I feel like throwing my laptop out the window because of Episode 10. Bring Carla.**_

_**Will do. See you soon.**_

"Hey Carla," Ellie announced, placing her phone back down on her desk and swivelling around on her chair. "Wanna go visit Rin and Sosuke? Apparently you haven't been texting the bulk of a guy and now he's whining. You have him wrapped around your little finger, don't you?"

Carla scoffed, placing her laptop up on her desk as the device began to get too hot for her lap. "Like I have time. I still have to finish my Drama notes and send them off to be proof-read. And yes, I kinda do. It was intentional."

Ellie groaned and rolled her chair over to Carla's side of the room, wrapping her arms around her best friend's shoulders and resting her head the edge of her desk chair. "Oh, I'm sure. Come on, Carlie-bear. You've been stuck in this room for almost as long as I have. Get some fresh air. Be proactive later, okay?"

"Nope. Can't. Sorry to tell you Ellie, but you aren't the only one who likes to excell in her classes. Except of course, I'm not the insane one who thought '_Yes, yes, it'd be a great idea to do seven subjects this year. Yes, of course!' _Not to mention the fact that you basically changed your entire schedule from last year, except for a couple of subjects."

"Ouch. That hurt _my soul_."

"Everything hurts your soul, Ellie. It's why I'm constantly having to look after you, remember?"

"Mmm..." Staring harder at the tab that was open on Carla's laptop, Ellie suddenly realised why her best friend had been so protective of her computer for a decent two weeks. _Juilliard Dance-shit. Carla's been looking at dance school applications. Goddamn it, should have known._

For as long as Ellie had known her, Carla had been obsessed with contemporary dance. It was her main love, above even swimming, and the hobby occupied the majority of her time whenever she wasn't swimming or studying. For years, Carla had followed Ellie into everything, from the Youth Olympics to coming to Japan with her, and dance was often the only thing that Carla had to herself. It was the only thing that was her own and Ellie admired that.

Carla was a beautiful dancer, in almost every style, and she made it onto the Mercy dance ensemble every year she tried out for it. It didn't surprise Ellie that Carla would want to join a dance college after she finished high school. She loved dance much more than swimming, even though she _did_ still love swimming. Ellie knew that in Carla's heart, she was a dancer, not a swimmer, destined to shine on a stage rather than in a pool.

Ellie partially understood why Carla wanted to keep her desire to attend a dance school a secret. Even though Ellie was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, Carla had always been there for her when she needed shoulder to cry on or a person to calm her down when she was on the verge of a meltdown. She guessed that Carla now felt responsible for Ellie, like it was her duty to protect her best friend from her own twisted mind. But how could Carla protect Ellie if she wanted to go to a school half a world away from her best friend?

The thought must have been on Carla's mind when she decided to keep her ambitions a secret from Ellie. _Carla didn't want to hurt me_, Ellie thought as she stared at the open tab on the screen. _She doesn't want to hurt me by leaving me. God, what kind of a friend have I been?_

Biting her lip, Ellie decided to speak her mind. "Have you been looking into dance schools, Carlie-bear?"

In an instant, Carla froze, her fingers hovering over the keys on her laptop as her heart slowed to a near stop under Ellie's arm. It was obvious that she didn't want Ellie to know about the dance schools now. _I am such a horrible, horrible friend_. "How did you know that?"

"The tab on your laptop," Ellie said as she pointed at the screen. "If you're trying to keep a secret from me, you might want to try a little harder."

Carla's reaction was even more instantaneous than Ellie expected. She slammed her laptop shut, almost jamming her fingers underneath the screen as her mind acted quicker than her hands. It was _more_ than obvious now that Carla hadn't wanted Ellie to know about the dance schools. _Horrible, horrible friend, Churchill. You are a true asshole_.

Sitting back further into her seat, Carla's fair-skinned face turned a bright red under the embarrassment of being caught. "It's nothing. _Really_. I just wanted to look at my options, you know. Maybe for a double major or something."

Ellie smiled as she lifted her head off her best friend's shoulder, paying close attention to the hesitant nature of Carla's voice. "You know, Carla, I honestly wouldn't mind if you chose to go to a dance school after the HSC is finished. It's not up to me after all. It is _your_ life that's to be decided."

Carla scoffed. "Yeah. Right. As if you could last without me having to take care of you after you have a mental breakdown two hours into your first lecture. Yeah, separating from each other's a _grand_ idea."

"Well, like I said, it's not my life that's on the line. You do what you love. And from what I've seen and known over these past few years, you love dance more than you love swimming. It'd make sense for you to do this, rather than follow me like you always do."

"I only follow you to protect you from yourself, Ellie. It's not exactly a choice that's hard to make."

Ellie groaned and banged her head against Carla's shoulder. "Not everything's is meant to be for me, Carla. I do want you to have a life outside swimming _and_ outside having to watch out for a wack-job like me."

"Yeah, well, I'm only _considering_ dance schools at the moment," Carla replied. "Doesn't mean I'll ever get in. The requirements are extensive for most of the schools and I'm only half as skilled as I should be. I'd be better off considering a sports scholarship at AIS or the University of New South Wales. It's closer to home anyway and-"

"Woah, okay, enough. I am not in the mood to discuss universo ties with you. Right now, I think Sosuke wants to see you and I need to support Rin while he watches Episode Ten of the dreaded Season Three."

Carla raised an eyebrow as Ellie backed off, her blonde hair flowing down her shoulders like liquid gold. "Do I have choice?"

"Obviously not. You ready?"

* * *

Ellie was _livid_. _More_ than livid even, after what Carla had done to her. If she had the mental strength to murder her best friend, she would have done it, and done it with flair. _This shit's not fucking on. God, I hate her sometimes. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her._..

Ellie, by most definitions, was a strictly jeans and track pants kind of girl. She never wore dresses that exposed her unnaturally long legs and annoyingly muscular thighs, nor did she wear skirts that were so damn short that she could hardly bend over without giving everyone behind her a rather unpleasant view. Ellie avoided those kind of clothes on principle, her taste in clothing mainly including sports apparel and relatively hipster-like day outfits. It eternally bothered Carla that her best friend was so unfeminine but Ellie stuck to her style, no matter what her friends said.

She refused to stoop as low as wearing a skirt to her dinner with Rin. Ellie just simply could not bear the thought of it. She'd had her clothes laid out on the floor by her desk while she was getting ready, her nerves shot through the roof and her mind racing as she thought of things that could possibly go wrong. Naturally, Carla had a problem with the clothes she had chosen.

"Ellie, you are not wearing jeans," she'd said as she picked up Ellie's best pair of ripped boyfriend jeans and examined them with a sneer. "Even if they _are_ a nice pair. You're not wearing them."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't realise you were in complete control over what I should or should not wear. I didn't get that email. Oh wait, you _aren't_ in control. So I don't _give_ a shit."

"First warning, Churchill. First warning," Carla said in her netball umpiring voice. "And I _should_ have control of your wardrobe choices at this rate. I swear all you wear are trackies, hoodies, jeans and t-shirts with the occasional high waisted shorts and mid-drifts mixed in. And you _always_ wear black. Or grey. Or another one of the colours that are actually considered shades."

"I'm so glad you're paying such close attention to my clothes. Does this conversation have a point or am I just wandering into one of your argument traps again?"

"I have a plan. And I intend to get my way."

Low and behold, Carla _did_ get her way, just as she always did. And Ellie was left agitated, nervous and most importantly, wearing a black skater skirt instead of her infinitely more comfortable boyfriend jeans. _Karma must seriously hate me today_, she thought as she waited for Rin by the front sign of Samezuka Academy.

Tugging anxiously at the unnecessarily short piece of material hanging from her narrow waist, Ellie mumbled nervously to herself, curses and threats directed toward her best friend being the most popular of her ramblings. It was stressful enough that she was going to spend the night with Rin. Add on the factor of her end-of-term reports coming in soon, the looming prospect of incoming pre-lims and a horribly packed schedule of study planned for the next term. Ellie felt as if she was nearly being pushed over the edge. _Thank God for the two week school holiday_, was all she could think through all the stress. _Thank the fucking Lord_.

"Jesus, Khaleesi, are you wearing a skirt? I didn't think you were capable of showing skin that hadn't already been exposed by your swimsuit."

Ellie groaned inwardly and turned her head toward Rin's throughly amused voice. He strolled toward her in black Vans and ripped black jeans, a lopsided grin dominating his face. Ellie felt like slapping that happy grin off his face. _Oh, how dangerously close you are to the invisible line, Matsouka._..

"It all on Carla," Ellie muttered. "Apparently, boyfriend jeans weren't good enough. Nor was my fandom hoodie. All I got to keep was the band tee." Ellie pointed down at the distinctive Jim Morrison t-shirt that she wore tucked into her skirt, puffed out in sections by Carla to look '_stylish_'. Ellie had stole it off her mother before leaving for Japan. It was the only cool thing that her mother owned, as far as clothing concerned.

Rin shrugged at her excuse, his grin hardly fading. "Well, you still look nice. It's just strange though, since I've never seen you in anything but track suit pants, t-shirts and singlets."

"Trust me, that's about as far as my fashion sense goes. At least you have a better grasp of it than me."

Rin tugged consciously at the black stylised beanie he wore, with just the right amount of his hair poking out to make him look familiar but also, unhelpfully attractive. "Ow. Don't take my manliness away from me, Ell. It took effort to become like this."

"Dude, you look like a carbon copy of Michael Clifford. Just without the lip piercing."

"Who?"

"A member of an Aussie band by the name of Five Seconds of Summer-look, that's not the point."

"There was a point to this conversation? I thought I was just allowed to stare at your legs and hope you didn't notice while you talked away."

That earned Rin a sharp smack across the arm as Elle fought back an infectious smile and various blushes that she had to force deep down into herself at his comments. _Oh, so very close to that line_. "Watch it, Matsouka," she warned. "I may be in a skirt but trust me, getting stomped on by an angry stressed-out teenage girl in heels hurts just as bad as having to wear this thing. Friends, remember?"

"Oh, I know, Khaleesi. I'm just teasing. And I'm _quite_ sure you'd do much worse to me if I made a move. Ready to go now?"

Ellie groaned, raking a hand through her perfectly brushed hair. Rin was too good at side-stepping out of danger. It infuriated Ellie, so much to the point that she almost hated that part of him. It was a defining factor that shaped Ellie's need to please everyone; she liked to win.

The evening went by surprisingly smoothly, the conversation hardly changing from the things that the pair often talked about on the phone or through Skype. Ellie was surprised. She expected her nerves to get the better of her, just as they always did, and her words to crumble into inaudible sounds every time she decided to speak. But almost as soon as they started talking, Ellie relaxed into the flow of conversation.

The restaurant Rin took her to possessed an uncommon mixture of both Japanese dishes and foods that Ellie was used to seeing back home. The months of living away from Australia and it's particular culinary delicacies finally caught up with her. Ellie had almost felt like crying the moment she looked at the menu and saw that steak was offered, not to mention the fact that she near had a mental breakdown over the fact that they provided knives and forks rather than chopsticks like every other restaurant in town.

Rin laughed at her excitement, ordering Ellie's meal for her as she near bounced up and down in her seat, smiling excitedly like a hyperactive child. Once the waitress had left, giving Ellie a strange look as she went, Rin shook his head and tapped the table rhythmically.

"God, Ellie. I didn't think you were that deprived of your Western foods," he said with a crooked grin. "I think you scared the waitress."

"Let her be scared," Ellie said. "I haven't seen proper cutlery in over _three months_. I think I would have had meltdown before Mum sent me more foods from home."

"You got your mother to send you foods from home?"

"Yeah, of course. I'm the kind of person who misses the food from home rather than the people. Nothing made me more angry than the fact that I couldn't find any Cadbury chocolate bars at the airport. Literally, I mean _God_, how hard is it to import, you guys? How freaking hard?"

Their waitress came back in an obvious hurry, placing their drinks down before politely bowing and hurrying away to serve the next customer. The restaurant was quickly filling up but Rin had strategically sat them down in a quieter section of the restaurant where hardly anyone came to sit. Ellie was grateful for that. Loud people in restaurants were yet another pet hate of hers. _Man, my list is growing_.

Rin leaned back into his seat, a look of recognition flooding his face. "Cadbury chocolate? Oh, I remember that stuff. God, I hated it."

Ellie basically choked on her coffee. "Excuse me?" she croaked. "_Are you Satan?_"

"Well, thanks, Khaleesi. I'd have the hair for it."

"No, _you_, my friend, are the love child of Shark Boy and Lava Girl with that hair and those teeth. Seriously, why the hell don't you like Cadbury?"

Rin rolled his eyes, taking a drink before speaking again. "I don't like sweet things. Why do you think I don't put up with Carla most of the time?"

"Very funny, wise guy. As you do recall, that _is_ my best friend you're talking about, remember?"

"I never said I didn't like her," Rin said. "But getting back on topic, I just like other foods better. Besides, why are you judging _me_ when you drink enough coffee to keep a whole army up for a week?"

"Coffee is a necessity," Ellie replied, holding up her cup as an example. "Just like chocolate, you red-headed monster."

"I think I just realised what Carla meant about you being scarily cheery once your exams finished. And since I didn't ask, how did your exams go?"

"Pretty good," she answered. "Religion was the one exam that made me want to rip my hair out and paint the walls of my dorm with blood because it was so damn frustrating."

"I sincerely hope you didn't actually do that, Ellie."

"Oh, I didn't but let me tell you, my sanity very nearly let me rationalise myself into doing it. I was incredibly close."

The evening went on with the familiar unhindered and smooth feeling of conversation and little by little, Ellie began to learn more about Rin. She absorbed all the little details like his favourite type of music, his obsessive need to sleep with a pillow and his inability to eat anything that had over one teaspoon of sugar. She laughed at the little jokes that had developed between them, near choking on her food when one particular joke was mentioned at the wrong time, and she answered questions that she was surprised to see that she _could_ answer. Ellie was ever so slightly annoyed at that. Yet again, she was giving in to Rin's smiles and clever nicknames with the drop of a hat, like her social anxiety meant absolutely nothing. _Stupid, goddamn, idiotic boy_.

The familiar food was an added bonus, a lovely reminder of home that brought on the conversation of Rin's time in Australia.

Rin explained that he had lived in Sydney during his time in Australia and entered the SOPAC team with much hype and expectation. He had attended the Kings all-boys boarding high school, a widely known private school that boasted large grounds and '_quality_' education. Ellie had known of the school through a friend who attended the all-girls sister-school to Kings. Even thought her knowledge of the school was sparse, Ellie still held a strong hatred for the school, just as she hated most private schools in big cities. Ellie blamed it on her small town mentality. People were always nicer the further inland you went. Foreigners just never understood that.

"I still cannot believe you went to Kings. You're just too nice for that," Ellie exclaimed over her desert, her spoon hovering over the whipped cream that sat on the corner of the plate, waiting to be eaten.

"What's wrong with Kings?" Rin asked, tapping the edge of his coffee cup as he spoke. "I didn't have much of a problem with it."

"Everyone else does," Ellie replied. "The girls at my school would call it the '_School for Rich Wankers with lots of money and little pricks_'."

Rin raised an eyebrow, a small smile forming on his face. "Unnecessarily vulgar but okay."

"I live in a country town, remember? Bogans basically built the place."

"Bogans?"

"Stereotypical Australians. You know, the typical '_G'day, how ya goin' ?_' type of people? They-hang on. I've just had a thought. I wonder, do you still have your SOPAC hoodie?"

"What?"

Ellie rolled her eyes as she chewed on her food before speaking, dropping her spoon on her plate with a loud porcelain clatter. "You know, the big fluffy green hoodie that basically every member of the SOPAC team wore to meets. Don't tell me you don't have one because I'll know you're lying. I saw you wearing on in the marshalling area during State Age the other year."

"Oh, _that_ hoodie. Yeah, I...may or may not have lost it," Rin admitted sheepishly, averting his eyes with a mocking smile.

"You're kidding me? All I ever liked about the SOPAC team was their bloody hoodies and the moment I may be able to steal one, _you freaking lost it_."

"I didn't _lose_ it. I just...misplaced it."

Ellie rolled her eyes again and slipped her coat back on as she swallowed the last of her food. "Those two statements mean the same thing, genius. Come on, let's go. The dorm supervisor's going to have minor fit if I don't get back before curfew."

Rin nodded, wandering off to pay for their food while Ellie stepped outside to wait for him. The air outside was colder than she remembered, brisk and noticeable against the skin of her legs, but it was still warm enough to feel the ever lingering humidity that clung helplessly to the air. Ellie shifted uncomfortably under the weight of the subtly sticky air.

Ellie had never done well with humidity. _Especially_ when it came to spending eight hours out in the sun during summer swimming carnivals. The sun always zapped her energy away faster than she could retain it and the humidity often felt like an extra weight dragging her down to the bottom of the pool with every stroke. Ellie's mother had always joked about that little factor of her being. "_You come from Tweed Heads,_" she would always say. "_You should be used to hot and sticky weather._"

Ellie smiled at the memory of her mother, the feeling of homesickness forming slowly in the pit of her stomach. Ellie hadn't thought about her parents in a long while, mainly because she felt as if she was doing perfectly fine on her own. Being an only child, she had always tried to be independent from her parents and do as much on her own as she possibly could. Her parents luckily trusted her enough to make her own decisions and solve her own problems without their help, if she so wished. It was the main reason that they had let her move away and spend a year in Japan in the first place; they knew Ellie could take care of herself.

But even Ellie knew that she would eventually get homesick. She knew that she'd miss her mother and her obsessive knack for cleaning every nook and cranny of their cottage-like house. She knew she'd miss her father and how he would _always_ ask Ellie to shoot the rabbits that ran across their driveway every morning, despite the fact that she didn't have a gun license and her grandfather's .22 had a _rather_ nasty kickback. Ellie found that she missed them both more than she originally thought she would but she didn't feel that debilitating kind of loneliness that always seemed to creep it's way into an average person's bones. Ellie simply missed her parents and nothing more.

The bright lights of the restaurant began to fade behind them as Ellie and Rin walked home through the moonlight, talking quietly as they walked. They took the long way back to Sakura, simply for the purpose of passing the time. It wasn't long before they reached the beach, the waves rushing in with the sounds of hushed whispers. Ellie remembered loving the beach as a little kid.

Back when she lived in Tweed Heads, it had been only a five minute walk from where she lived to get to the beach and for almost an hour every day during summer _and_ spring, Ellie would spend her afternoons swimming in the open surf. Sharks were never a worry to her. It was incredibly rare to see a Great White around the Gold Coast beaches and she knew that she was more likely to be struck by lightning than to be bitten by a shark. All Ellie had cared about was the warm summer water and the force of the waves that pushed against her as she swam.

The wind carefully weaved itself through her hair as Ellie sat down on the edge of the concrete walkway, her feet dangling a couple of metres off the sand below. Rin sat down beside her, his shoulders touching hers and a few fingers of his hand overlapping hers. Ellie barely noticed the contact. She was too relaxed to panic anymore.

Rin spoke first, breaking the momentary silence. "Tell me something, Ellie."

"Hm?" Ellie turned her head to look at him, her hair slipping down to cover one side of her face. "What do you mean?"

"If I were to kiss you right now, how would you react?"

_What kind of a fucking question is that?!_ Ellie fought hard against the blush that was rising quickly in her cheeks. Suddenly, that simple relaxed feeling that had stopped her from panicking vanished and Ellie felt her heart hammering hard against her rib cage with every breath. If there was a guidebook to the kind of questions that gave Ellie heart attacks, _that_ particular question would have came with extreme warning signs covering the pages.

Ellie breathed in and out through her nose, structuring her sentences together carefully as if it were delicate work. "I...I don't how I'd react to be honest. I'd probably start crying from the surprise."

"Why?"

Ellie shrugged, shivering as she clasped her hands together in her lap. "I've...I've never actually kissed anyone. Not really. Kind of embarrassing to admit but there it is."

"Excuse me?!" Rin exclaimed. "I don't believe I heard you correctly. _Never_?"

"Dude, I was twelve the last time I actually had a boyfriend and that hardly counts. I just...swore myself off boys at that age. I needed to focus on swimming and so it was a done deal. No boys equalled a hell of a lot more focus."

"And zero fun, as far as I know."

Ellie laughed mockingly, shaking her head at the thought."Oh, yeah. As if I was going to be sneaking off with some guy in the middle of a championship meet or something. I'd rather yank my fingernails off with pliers."

"Ow. That kinda hurt."

"What? The fingernails or the comment?"

"Well, both, to be honest, but that's not the point. How could you just '_swear_' yourself off guys? As far as I'm concerned, that _should_ be impossible."

Ellie smiled and shook her head again, feeling strangely defiant against Rin's claims "Not for me. I am-well _was, _too focused to really care. Distractions can throw off your form, then that destroys your confidence, which in turn, destroys your ability to race."

"And boys were a distraction?"

Ellie nodded. "And they still remain to be."

Rin took his time thinking up a response, a wicked smile spreading across his face as he thought of things that Ellie prayed to God weren't menacing enough to send into an anxiety attack. Ellie felt a spike of fear lodge itself just beneath her ribcage. _This cannot be good_. "What are you thinking?" she asked nervously.

Rin's smile widened at her question. "Would you consider _me_ a distraction?"

_Oh fuck you. Stupid, stupid, stupid boys and their annoying questions. God!_ Ellie bit her lip as she tried to calm herself down. Nervously, she fiddled with her ring as she spoke. "I don't know. _Should_ I consider you to be a distraction, Rin?"

Rin leaned in closer to her, that stupid smile of his still plastered on his face, and Ellie felt her heart near skipped a beat. _God, this guy is going to give me a heart attack. Jesus!_ "That's for you to decide, Churchill. It's all up to you how far you go and it's all up to you to make your own decisions."

"I've made my own decisions before, Rin," Ellie whispered, the quickly closing gap between them causing her to lower her voice out of instinct. "It's not like I'm clueless."

"Then what am I? Distraction or not?"

Ellie breathed in and out, filling her lungs with as much oxygen as possible just to keep her cool. "I don't have enough variables to make that kind of decision yet."

"Then keep thinking."

And _that_ was when he kissed her.

* * *

**A.N: Nyah ha ha, I went overboard yet again...**

**Now that I feel like curling into a ball and dying thanks to the fact that I left all my netball gear at school and I have a game today, I thought it'd be a good time to finish this chapter. I honestly don't know how I feel about this chapter. I kinda feel like I'm rushing it but I'm happy with it, nonetheless.**

**Ermahgerd, Nagisa in the new episode. Made my heart bleed. _Babykins_ *sobs*.**

**Thank you to _Aoi, SheepRainbow, LilweenGalatrass, IKhandoZatman_ and _Azuki Bean_ for reviewing and thank you to everyone who followed and favourited. I wuv you all. (Yes, I committed the text talk crime just there. Muah ha ha.)**

**_Aoi_: Tomorrow When The War Began is a book I've never actually finished because goddamn it, Ellie just whined too much. I'm pretty sure I burnt my copy... As for the Year 12 thing, ha ha ha _no_, sorry. I'm actually basing a lot of this off of research and the experiences of my best friend's sister who's in Year 12. We laugh at her pain but I'm not looking forward to it that much. If Year 8 is making me worry, I don't even want to think about Year 12 right now.**

**_LilweenGalatrass_: Yes, I do swim. 50m butterfly State Age bronze medalist over here. A lot of what I write is from my own knowledge and experiences but other parts are researched. I do like to keep some kind of realism in my writing. **

**_Azuki Bean_: Eh, it's all about personal preference. Not everyone's going to like what I write. I can accept that. :)**

**Until next chapter...:)**


	8. Chapter VII

**Chapter VII:**

**Unpredictability **

* * *

Sleep was something that usually came quickly to Ellie. Even with her stress-fuelled anxiety and constant barrage worries, she hardly ever spent more than five minutes trying to get to sleep at night.

Her five minutes of casual drifting off would _usually_ result in an incredibly deep sleep that lasted a decent ten to twelve hours of rest, on average. Ellie was so used to this quick reaction that when she got home from her dinner with Rin and later spent half the night tossing and turning, she simply _knew_ that something was wrong. Very, _very_ wrong.

At about two in the morning, Ellie finally gave up on twisting and turning under the covers of her overheated bed. She sat up slowly, fighting against the blankets she had wrapped around herself like a cocoon, and muttered indecent curses under her breath, most of them being in Norwegian due to pure habit.

The room was _almost_ completely black, with the only light present being that of Carla's open laptop screen that illuminated her side of the room. Ellie guessed that Carla had left it open unknowingly before going to sleep a couple of hours earlier. Ellie groaned, pressing hard into her eyes with the heels of her palms to try and wake herself up. It didn't work but Ellie didn't particularly worry about it. All she knew was that she probably wasn't going to be going back to sleep for a while now. _Stupid insomnia. How do people live with this shit on a day to day basis?_

Ellie climbed down from her bunk and sat down at her desk, rubbing the useless sleep from her eyes as she tugged her hoodie tighter around herself. She knew full well where this insomniac-like behaviour was coming from. It was to do with Rin. _Of course, it's to do with him, _Ellie thought, opening up her laptop in an effort to pass the time. _It's always to do with him_.

When Rin had kissed her, Ellie, true to her own knowledge of herself, very nearly had a serious heart attack. Her mind had screamed at her to run, to push him away and shrink back into herself like she always had whenever someone got too close. She'd wanted _desperately_ to oblige, to find her legs and bolt, but for some unknown reason, she'd also wanted to stay. Maybe even more than she'd wanted to leave. Rin made her feel safe. As much as it killed her writer instincts to say it, he _did_ make her feel that way and he made her a lot of other annoyingly satisfactory feelings as well. Ellie groaned once more at the thought. _Nice, Churchill. You want to run away from the guy who likes you but then again, nah, I'll stay with him. Ugh, I am so messed up. Have fun with the insane woman, Rin._

Crossing her legs on her chair, Ellie sat back and waited out the morning through study for her Legal essay and music blasting through her headphones that were connected to the ongoing playlist on her laptop. The study notes and facts became a welcome distraction for Ellie's racing mind but the distraction didn't last as long as she had wanted. In the end, exhaustion won out over both her anxiety and desire to study, and she fell asleep at her desk just as sunlight began to leak through the cracks in the curtains that covered their balcony screen doors.

For the span of four days, Ellie avoided Rin expertly as she tried to figure out exactly how she was meant to feel about him. It wasn't as if she hated him or disliked him for what he did. If anything, kissing her was probably the one thing Rin did that made her like him even more. But it was the concept of liking him that made her think. The ever so slightly terrifying concept of liking a boy and him liking her back. It confused Ellie beyond comprehendible words and she had no idea about how to even go about expressing her feelings to him.

Dating wasn't something she was acutely experienced at. Ellie was hopeless, in fact, and she had absolutely no idea how she was meant to do _anything_ around Rin anymore. The tension built as Ellie worked her way around Rin during training, helping the first-years whilst he was training in the pool and then bolting from the change rooms afterwards before he could get a chance to speak with her. Everything he did only seemed to frighten and confuse Ellie even more. She wasn't even remotely close to understanding how things were meant to be by the time Rin caught on to her little ploy, pulling her aside during training one afternoon.

People had already begun to filter into the pool during the early hour of the afternoon and Ellie was one of the first to arrive. She was helping a first-year with their dive starts when Rin found her, dressed in her track suit pants with the waist band rolled down to sit low on her hips and the top half of her swimsuit displayed on her torso as a substitute for her t-shirt.

Ellie kept her eyes forward, watching the first-year dive into the pool whilst making the small mistake of flinching before the starting signal. She ignored Rin even when he stood right beside her, the splash from the first-year's dive washing over the edge of the pool and soaking the ankles of her track suit pants.

After approximately ten minutes of rudimentary silence, Rin spoke. "Ellie...I have to talk to you about something."

Veiled hurt laced Rin's voice as he spoke, breaking Ellie's heart with every syllable. There was a sort of desperation in his tone that made Ellie feel strangely guilty for having taken time out to understand her feelings for him, as if she had wounded him with her actions. Ellie supposed she _was_ being a bit ignorant of Rin as a person. Although she most likely _was_ the cause of the hurt that was evident in her friend's voice, Ellie ignored her inner good nature and thought of herself for once. The action was based on selfishness but it was something Ellie felt she had to do.

Naturally, Ellie took to her first line of defence. _Hostility_. "If it's to do with the candidates for the relay, I'm finished and I've already emailed the results to you. Otherwise, I'm more inclined to get to training, thanks. Shouldn't _you_ be setting an example and captaining like usual?"

"_Ellie!_" Rin snatched Ellie by the elbow, forcing her to turn her head and look him in the eyes for the first time in just over four days. It almost physically hurt her to do so. _God, oh god, I really am a horrible person_. "Can you actually take this seriously for once?"

"Take _what_ seriously?" Ellie hissed, her temper acting quicker than her need to please. "If you didn't already notice, I'm trying to coach someone like the good little vice captain you wanted me to be. So what exactly is it that you want me to take seriously, Rin?"

"You know damn well what I want you to take seriously!" Rin very rarely lost his temper, and usually, it was never a result of Ellie. She never truly understood why this was but that moment was one of the very few exceptions to his endless amounts of patience for her.

Muttering insults underneath his breath, Rin yanked her toward the exit with many stares from the other members of the club. Carla shot Ellie a sympathetic look from the other side of the pool before turning back to Sosuke, who watched on curiously. _So much for supportive friends_, Ellie thought as the entrance door slammed behind her and she was left alone with Rin for the first time in days. _God, this really is horrible_.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Ellie leaned back against the railing of the ramp they stood on and sighed. "Go on then," she said. "Fire away. Might as well get the onslaught over with before I go crawl into some insignificant hole and yank my own hair out, tuft by tuft."

"Why do you do that?" Rin said, his tone significantly less angry than before. He sounded more tired than angry, as if that one outburst had exhausted him. "Why do you just push people away whenever things get tough?"

"I don't know," Ellie replied, staring off into open space. "Maybe you should ask the person who gave me my distinctly annoying personality. I'm sure they have a better understanding of it than I do."

"Ellie, stop with the sarcasm and _look at me_."

_If only it was that easy_. Dragging her eyes away from the hypnotising open space beside Rin's head, Ellie looked at Rin just as he asked and felt her heart slow into a steady, constant and heavy rhythm. Rin most definitely didn't seem angry with her anymore. In fact, he seemed worried. Ellie felt the urge to reach into her stomach and rip out her guts at the thought. _Yet another person who thinks they have to take care of me. Great._

"Ellie, what happened?" Rin asked, stepping forward and making the gap between them a few inches smaller. "Did I do something wrong? Well, I'm assuming I _did, _considering you've been avoiding me the past few days-"

"It's not you, Rin," Ellie interrupted. "As much as I'd like to say that it is...my discomfort has nothing to do with you. Well, not _nothing_ but most of it's just me."

The tension that was evident in Rin's shoulders relaxed at her words but his worried expression failed to change. With him so close, Ellie felt the urge to simply reach out and wrap her arms around him, all against her better judgement. Ellie wondered if she was finally turning soft. She never had thoughts like that, not even when she felt as if she should. _God, calm down teenage hormones. I'm not in the mood for your shit today_.

Reaching out and playing with stray hairs that escaped her ponytail, Rin continued on with his little questioning session but this time, with a more relaxed nature. "What's all this secrecy about then, hm? I can hardly even look at you without you glaring at me and you've avoided me ever since that night. Not exactly a response I was looking for, Khaleesi. You're kind of putting me off."

"Well, I'm not sure if that was my intention but I assure you, I never meant to hurt you by avoiding you, Rin. I honestly didn't. I just needed time. Time to work out...how I felt about this situation. _Yeah_, let's go with that."

Rin tried hard to cover up his look of confusion but Ellie saw right through it. "What do you mean '_time_'? I thought the statement was pretty clear to be honest but-"

"Oh, it _was_ pretty darn clear but that's not the point. I needed time to...to just figure out how things are meant to happen from here on out."

Rin raised an eyebrow, watching her with a more openly confused look. "I don't follow you, Khaleesi."

"Ugh, I'm not saying this right," Ellie groaned, trying hard not to be distracted by Rin's fingers idly twirling around her hair. "Look, Rin, I don't do..._romance_. I'm not that girl who would die to have a boyfriend. I'm not that girl who consistently stresses over whether or not they're going to end up alone. I just _don't_ do that kind of stuff. But now that I'm getting caught up in all of it, I can't help but feel completely-"

"Lost?"

Ellie laughed nervously, hugging her torso loosely and leaning further back into the railing to limit the temptation of colliding with Rin. _Stupid hormones_..."Yeah. Just a bit."

"Don't worry. You're not exactly alone." Rin took a small step forward, his hands slipping down to her waist out of instinct. Ellie shivered at the contact and gently pushed his hands away before crossing her arms over her chest once more.

"_Excuse me_, but I'm sure you've dated plenty of Aussie girls while you were over there a couple of years ago."

Rin shrugged. "Yeah sure, but not as many as you'd think. It's not like I'm especially experienced at this either."

"Liar..." Ellie muttered, looking down at her feet with a childish pout. "Liar, liar, pants-on-fucking-fire."

"Don't swear, Ellie. It makes you seem far too much like me." Hooking his finger underneath her chin, Rin gently tilted Ellie's head upward. Before she could slip away like her mind was screaming at her to do, his lips were on hers and Ellie felt her heart melt in her chest cavity. _Goddamn it Rin. Stop it! I have a hard enough time controlling my own emotions on a daily basis without this shit_.

It took Ellie at least ten full seconds to finally snap back to her senses. Her hands had already involuntarily wandered up around Rin's neck and she was pulling him closer, almost _craving_ more of him. Ellie felt like slapping herself. She was acting like the silly, teenage girls that she had always hated to watch in action. _For Christ's sake, pull yourself together woman_.

Abruptly, Ellie yanked herself away from Rin, her chest rising and falling as she took in heavy breaths. Ellie's mind was still in complete shambles but at the very least, she had a small grasp of her own common sense back. That was enough for her to grow the courage to pull away, her lower back colliding with the railing as her hands remained on Rin's chest. As much as her collision with the metal bar behind her _hurt_, the pain brought her back to reality better than anything in the surrounding area.

"For the love of God...please don't do that," she panted, Rin's racing heart drumming frantically underneath her fingertips. "I can't think when you do that."

Rin flashed a cheeky grin and leaned in just a bit too close to Ellie's face. "Do what?"

"What do you think, Shark Boy?! What could you have possibly done in the last thirty seconds that would ever so slightly _infuriate_ me?"

"That doesn't exactly narrow it down, Khaleesi. As far as I know, everything that I do infuriates you."

Ellie glared at Rin, her blue eyes boring invisible holes into the boy's forehead. _I may just kill him_, she thought. _I may very well murder this guy_. "Could you at least take me seriously for five singularly-_frustrating_ seconds, please?"

"I always take you seriously, Ellie," Rin said with a sigh. "It's part of being your friend."

"Ah. You see? That _right there_! That condescending tone. That's what makes me think you're not currently taking in what I am explicitly telling you. I don't think you realise how much of a big deal this is for me, nor do I think you realise how much of an annoying _ass_ you're being right now."

"Woah, woah, woah, calm down." Rin held up his hands in mock surrender, taking two steps back for safety as he always did. "I'm just trying to make you relax but obviously, that isn't working."

"Aw, gee, you think?" Ellie replied sarcastically. "I didn't realise that I was freaking out over this. No, I had no _fucking_ idea."

"Ellie, seriously, calm down now. You're losing it over nothing."

"_Am I_?"

Ellie laughed mockingly, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest before returning back to glaring at Rin's stupidly attractive face. "Let me break it down for you, Rin. Firstly, I've never actually been in a committed relationship, nor did I ever intend to be until my career in swimming was well and truly _over_ in god-knows how many years. Secondly, I've never actually kissed a guy before and you don't even seem to be acknowledging that fact as you just make out with me to get your way. And thirdly, I am confused as _hell_ on how we're meant to go forward from here. Seriously, what the hell? I have never been this angry and confused in my life. And let me tell you, Year 8 geometry has held the title for '_Most Infuriated and Confusing Thing Ever_' for a number of years. _So_...where do we go from here?"

The question hardly seemed to phase Rin. He shrugged casually as he leaned back against the opposite railing and crossed his arms across his chest, slightly mimicking her. The action annoyed Ellie but since Rin was on the verge of answering her question, Ellie chose to let the small behavioural infraction go. Although what mainly annoyed her was actually the fact that she was staring blatantly at Rin's clothed chest and shoulders, Ellie continued to direct her anger at Rin. It was the easier option, after all.

"I don't know what to tell you, Ellie," Rin said, sounding far more relaxed than she had ever felt. "There isn't really a science to this. It's more of a case of _feeling_ rather than educated guesses."

"You think I'm incapable of feeling anything?"

"No, of course not. It's just that you're a bit more of an...objective based person. You go from point A to point B with known steps in between. And you excel at each and every step until you're on top at point B. That's just how you are. But this-"

"Is completely and utterly unpredictable?" Ellie scoffed, shaking her head at the thought. "Yeah, I know. That's what I've been turning over in my mind for a while now. This isn't a case of '_Point A to Point B_'. This is a case of '_Point A to Point Who-The-Hell-Knows-Where_'. And you're right. I don't know if I can deal with that unpredictability."

"Ellie, the unpredictability of a relationship is what makes it appealing. It's what makes it interesting."

"No, it's what makes it _dangerous_."

Rin raised an eyebrow, frowning as he took in the meaning of her words. "Don't you mean the possibility of coming out of this heartbroken is dangerous?"

"Of course it is," Ellie replied. "I wouldn't know how to deal with something like that. That kind of despair, it's...it's crippling. It rips people open and exposes them like an open nerve. I've already felt like that for my entire life. I already know what it feels like to be under the microscope, judged by people and their expectations and hopes and love. I know what that feels like and I-"

"Ellie." Rin's voice snapped Ellie out of the void she was slowly inching toward as she drew further and further into herself, the words spilling from her mouth like acid. She was panicking and it must have been obvious enough for Rin to see on her face. His voice was calm and soothing, everything Ellie _hated_ to hear when she was on the verge of a panic attack. _So patronising_, she always thought. _Just yell at me, for Christ's sake. It'd bring me to my senses quicker_.

"Ellie." Rin repeated her name, taking a cautious step forward and continued to speak in that frustratingly calm tone. "Ellie, calm down. You're overthinking things. You're getting worked up. Just breathe, alright? Just _breathe_."

_Breathe? How am I meant to do that when I feel like all the air around me feels like it belongs to someone else? Would I owe them something? Owe them, like I owe everyone else_. Ellie violently shook the thoughts from her head, cursing herself for stumbling into a depressive anxiety without even knowing it. It was very rare for her to freak out like that, especially in front of anyone but Carla and her parents. Ellie wondered if she already considered Rin to be closer than a friend. Closer, even, than the best of friends.

_ How nauseating_, she thought, swallowing against the lump that had formed in her throat. Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, Ellie looked up at Rin and suddenly began to feel that cliched kind of safety she had felt four full nights before. Ellie knew that she could trust Rin, then and there, but she found it hard to believe that her mind had given in so quickly.

"I'm sorry, Rin. Really. I just...think about these things and it's like a domino effect. If one problem arises, everything else just comes barreling back toward me. Sorry. Again."

"Stop saying sorry, Ellie," Rin said. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"Right. Sorry. I mean-"

"Come here, maniac."

Rin tugged Ellie into his arms, securing her in a comforting hug that Ellie was surprised to find that she desperately needed. She was unsure of herself to begin with, simply keeping her arms up, mashed between Rin's chest and hers. The position was understandably uncomfortable but Ellie chose to move against her better judgement that was simply belting out all sorts of alarm bells. She loosely locked her arms around Rin's torso and rested her chin on his shoulder, closing her eyes as Rin held her tightly.

Rin toyed with Ellie's ponytail as he spoke, twisting the strands between his fingers and most likely matting them together in the process. "So what happens now then? Do you want this? Or are you going to back away?"

Even though Ellie's mind was still fixed on how Rin was casually destroying her solid hour of endless hair-brushing, Ellie knew what her answer would be before he'd even asked the question. _Damn you, Matsouka. Damn you and you're stupid, stupid smile_.

With a defeated sigh, she answered him. "I'm with you, Rin. I may be riddled with harsh anxiety problems but I'm not an idiot. I wouldn't throw someone as good as you away."

And just like that, Ellie found herself with a boyfriend and absolutely no idea where the experience would her lead to. She blamed it on her father. He always had been the reckless one in the family and Ellie guessed that his antics were finally beginning to rub off on her. _How-fucking-dandy_.

* * *

As expected, Carla was ever so slightly hysterical upon hearing the news of Rin and Ellie getting together. Ellie supposed that Sosuke had told her, if not a few days _after_ the fact, but when her best friend came barrelling in to the dorm one afternoon and began furiously kicking Ellie's bunk while she slept, Ellie knew that Carla had _finally_ caught on. _Oh joyous occasion_.

"Ellie, quick," Carla called from below Ellie's bunk. "Are you or are you not Rin's waifu? If not, I may cry and we're having an emergency Iggy party until you change your mind. If _so_, we are _still_ having an emergency Iggy party but this time, in celebration rather than as a passive-aggressive convincing technique."

Ellie groaned loudly from the top of her bunk and buried her head into her pillow to avoid answering the question. Carla had already been hounding her with suspicious questions about Rin since six o'clock that morning, interrupting sleep that Ellie severely needed.

Ellie had chosen to chuck an all-nighter the evening before with the intentions of studying for the majority of the night. But after about three hours into the evening, Ellie had folded as Rin texted her about the new season of Game of Thrones and ended up watching the entire season that night with Rin commenting on the show through their Skype call throughout the entire experience. Although she was tired and overly grumpy about being woken, Ellie still felt strangely happy about the memories of that evening. She guessed that the feeling was related to Rin but Ellie stubbornly didn't want to admit that to herself.

She was too tired to be having mushy feelings and almost every part of her body agreed with her as Ellie began to drift off to sleep. Sleep that was yet again interrupted by her loud, obnoxious best friend.

"Tornado, I'm going to be having an Iggy party no matter what, so you might as well just answer me." Carla stood on the other side of the room, staring up at Ellie's stretched out form with expectant eyes and a knowing smile. _I'm going to kill her_, Ellie thought. _I think I might actually do it_.

"Leave me alone, Funkita," Ellie yelled weakly in reply. "I need sleep, not an interrogation."

"That's not a definitive answer, my friend. It's a yes or a no. Simple as that."

"It's _not_ that simple and you know it, you asshole."

"Yay or nay, Ellie. Say either of one those answers and I'm putting on our good friend Iggy for a wonderful party."

Ellie took one long, deep breath and sat up, rubbing her eyes as she fought hard to stay awake. '_Emergency Iggy Party_' was something Ellie had come up with during their Year 10 mid-terms. It was meant to be a stress-reliever sort of thing; whenever either one of them was about to have a series meltdown during study, the other would put on any random Iggy Azela song and keep it on repeat whilst screaming the lyrics until the other felt better. It often worked, especially when Ellie felt like she was on verge of tears, and the two had kept it as tradition through any of their testing periods.

Unfortunately, Carla was also prone to abusing the Iggy parties whenever she felt like it. Sometimes she'd use it for celebrations. Sometimes she'd use it to drown out her parents when Ellie went over to her house. And other times, she'd just use it because she could. This was one of those occasions.

"Ellie, my dear, please just tell your best friend whether or not you recently got a boyfriend?" Carla complained as Ellie climbed down from her bunk. "Because I would like an answer. And when I have an answer, I get to play Iggy."

Ellie plonked down onto her desk chair, pulling her phone off her dock and flicking through the texts from Rin that she'd missed. "Put Iggy on, Carla. It makes no difference to me, considering I'm now the one with a boyfriend. And if you create a ship name, I _will_ murder you in your sleep."

The chaos that ensued was expected, with loud music blasting through Carla's overpriced speakers and various amounts of yelling coming from her best friend, but Ellie blocked it all out, her head pounding with the lost hours of sleep that she had wracked up the night before. Her fingers typed up a text on her phone screen, her reactions slower than usual and her spelling lacked it's usual common flair. Still, it got the message across and that was enough for Ellie at that moment.

_**The Fangirl has instigated an E.I.P. And I need sleep. Halp**_.

Rin's reply came quicker than Ellie thought it would, leading her to believe that he either kept his phone on him at all times or that he was literally waiting for her to text him. Ellie chose to believe the first. _**Am I allowed to ask what the hell an E.I.P is?**_

Ellie rolled her eyes, the noise behind her dying down ever so slightly as Carla began to tire. _**Emergency Iggy Party. I'll explain it to you later. God, she's going to be interrogating me for hours now**_.

_**About? **_

_**Our newly updated relationship. Sosuke really needs to ask her out already. Her complaints are getting ridiculous**_.

_**Aw, poor you. Want to come over? I'm doing something at the pool but I think you could help**_.

Ellie raised an eyebrow, quickly glancing at the afternoon sun that was beginning to set beneath the horizon of school buildings and then looked back to her phone in confusion. _**Training's over. What the hell are you doing at the pool?**_

_**Don't ask questions. Just get here**_.

Overcome with a sense of curiosity, Ellie quickly slipped into her pair of touched high-waisted denim shorts and pulled on one of her plain black sweaters before snatching her swim bag and bolting out the door whilst rattling off a half-assed excuse to Carla. Ellie supposed she knew would understand. If Carla was so damn happy about Rin and Ellie getting together, then she would understand. At least, Ellie _hoped_ she would.

The pool was relatively quiet when Ellie reached it's entrance but the light flittering out of the windows and faint splashing sounds echoimg out from inside indicated that there was in fact people inside the facility. Ellie slipped inside, her hands already reaching up to twist her hair in it's usual bun as she wandered over to the spot where she usually sat her bag. Out of simple curiosity, Ellie glanced over at the source of the splashes that resonated from the centre of the pool and could only stare in awe at what she saw.

"What the hell are you doing, Matsouka?" Ellie exclaimed, dropping her bag down to the ground as she placed her hands on her hips. "I don't recall whether or not you actually told me that you were planning this. I would have prepared a debate if you had."

Rei, who had been swimming what looked like a breastroke drill with a kick board, continued to swim on, oblivious to Ellie's outburst at his being there. Rin pulled himself out of the pool and strolled over to her, casually towelling his hair as he walked. The expression on Rin's face gave Ellie the impression that he wasn't particularly worried about her reaction but then again, Rin never usually seemed to be worried about anything from Ellie's limited experience.

Water sprinkled down on Ellie's shoulders and hair as Rin shook out his hair, to which Ellie sharply punched him in the bicep and muttered inaudible curses in Norwegian. Rin laughed at her reaction. "Sorry. Didn't think it bothered you so much to be covered in water. You obviously chose the wrong sport, Khaleesi."

"Not funny, Shark Boy," Ellie groaned. "And also, _not_ what you should be sorry about. Would you care to explain what's happening here before I smack you over the head with a kick board?"

Rin frowned in mock hurt, giving Ellie the urge to follow up on that threat. "Ouch, Khaleesi. You could be a little nicer about it."

"No. No, I couldn't. Explain or meet your red-headed doom."

Rin shook his head with a smile and shrugged, sighing heavily as if explaining the situation was going to take up all the energy he had. "He asked for help," Rin explained. "He wanted some coaching on the strokes other than butterfly. And now, I'm helping him."

"Okay..." Ellie said suspiciously, the gears grinding inside her head as she worked hard to process the information. "How long have you been coaching him for?"

"Since the start of the week."

Ellie very nearly went to shove her boyfriend into the pool. "You've got to be kidding me. You've been sitting on this knowledge for a week and yet you _didn't_ tell me?"

Rin shrugged. "Didn't have the time."

"_Didn't have the ti_- oh my God, leave the premises right now if that is your answer to my question. You had plenty of time to tell me on _various_ occasions. Seriously, what the hell?!"

"Well, it's not like I can change it now, Ell," Rin replied, twisting his towel in an effort to evident water from it's fibers. "Besides, I owe him. And I'm telling you _now_, aren't I? God, can you just drop the adorable pout and get on with it?"

Ellie frowned and crossed her arms over her chest, _trying_ not to act like a spoiled five-year-old but failing miserably as Rin stared her down. "I do not have an adorable pout," she muttered under her breath, avoiding Rin's eyes. "You can stop looking at me like that, you know?"

"Oh, I'll never stop looking at you, Ellie. You're too pretty not to look at."

Ellie felt heat rise in her cheeks at Rin's words, her nerves returning in a sudden flood of anxiety that stabbed at her gut. She wasn't used to having compliments thrown at her on a daily basis, even if the compliments were coming from a person who was most definitely was allowed to spout them. She wasn't used to being so close to someone other than Carla and she most definitely wasn't used to questions that people had begun to ask about Rin and herself. The whole '_boyfriend-girlfriend_' process sincerely scared her, both mentally and emotionally, but Ellie felt that she had to give it her best try. For Rin and for herself, she knew that she actually had to _try_ to commit.

Ellie bit the inside of her cheek and rubbed her arms to try and calm her nervousness. _Stupid, stupid boys and their stupid, stupid compliments_.

"Please don't say those things," she said. "You know how they make me feel."

"I was hoping that they make you feel special but obviously, that's not working." Rin tilted his head to the side, as if trying to see Ellie in some new light. "Why aren't I allowed to give you compliments again?"

"They just make me so nervous," Ellie replied. "I never know what to say back."

"You don't have to say anything back, Khaleesi. Not unless you want to."

"That's a horrible imbalance, right there."

"I like giving you compliments."

"And I never give them back. That's the problem-oh my God, this is going nowhere."

Rin laughed softly, leaning down and softly kissing Ellie on the cheek. Ellie was surprised that her heart hadn't jumped out of her chest, although her thoughts were distinctly explicit. _Fuck, fuck, fu-uck. Fuck, fuck, fu-uck. Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck-stupid Rin. Goddamn it! _

"Are you going to help me out or not, Khaleesi?"

The question's answer was an obvious 'Yes'. Ellie knew that she never usually had the will to refuse those she cared about. At that moment, Ellie supposed that _Rin_ was now a part of that especially small group.

* * *

**A.N: I am so done with school right now... New episode of Free! and ermahgerd, the MakoHaru feels are real. Also, IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT SUITABLE BACKSTROKE FINISH?! GODDAMN IT FREE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE A SWIMMING ANIME, AT LEAST GET THE RULES OF SWIMMING RIGHT! **

**Also, I may or may not have jumped on the Attack on Titan bandwagon. And the Tokyo Ghoul one as well...I have too many fandoms.**

**So, I _was_ planning to finish this chapter yesterday. I had everything ready and I was close to finishing, yadyadayada, but then life happened, as it always does, and I didn't get to finish this until later. I am sorry. School currently hates me. And I have a migraine that would make even the toughest man cry. Ugh. **

**Thank you to _IKhandoZatman, LilweenGalatrass_ and _no name_ for you reviewing. Thank you to everyone else who followed and favourited and are now having to put up with my antics. I apologise in advance.**

**Until next chapter :)**


	9. Chapter VIII

**Chapter VIII:**

**Decisions, Decisions**

* * *

"I really _am_ getting sick of writing programs at this point."

Sunlight beamed down through the glass balcony door on which Ellie leaned against, hazardous glare bouncing off her laptop in the most inconvenient of ways. Her Ancient and Modern History folders sat on one side of her, freshly written facts stashed away inside their pages alongside other hundreds of study notes that she had already written throughout the first two terms of her school year. Her textbooks sat on the other side of her, along with a rough draft of Rin's new training regime that had been laid on top of them, with Ellie's corrections scribbled along the edges like writing along the walls of a madman's cell.

Rin laughed at Ellie comment from the other side of the room, lying on his bed with one iPod earphone in and _To Kill A Mockingbird_ open in his hands. "I couldn't possibly know what you mean, Khaleesi," he said, dog-earing his page and placing the book down on the ground beside his bed. "It's not as if you've written just about _everyone's_ training programs at this point. That'd just be unfair."

"Oh, ha, ha. Sharkie finally gets a sense of sarcasm." Ellie shook her head and continued to type away on her laptop, the device slowly becoming too hot for her lap. "Get a bookmark, Rin. I refuse to see such a good book suffer such mistreatment."

"What?"

Ellie rolled her eyes and pointed at the book sitting peacefully on the ground a few metres away from her. "'_To Kill A Mockingbird_', Rin. You don't dog-ear books, you bookmark them. Just like you don't write notes in their pages, you put sticky notes on them. God, if I knew you hated Literature that much, I would have given you the audiobook."

"That'd be a good idea actually. I'm getting bored with it already. There's only so much of Scout I can take in one sitting."

Ellie reacted to the perceived insult with a glare and a pen thrown in Rin's direction. The weapon hit it's target harder than she anticipated, ink blotting itself on Rin's cheek once the pen had sailed through the air and landed on his skin. Upon impact, Rin bolted up from his lying position on his back and smacked his head hard against the bunk above, letting out a large string of loud English curses that sounded even more hilarious than Ellie had expected. She was in stitches while Rin recovered, leaning over her laptop and gasping for air as hysterical laughter racked her body.

Rin glared daggers at her, still muttering curses under his breath as he rubbed the red mark that had formed on one side of his forehead. Ellie was lying on her side at that point, her laptop slammed shut and her notes scattered as she flailed around on top of them in exaggerated amusement. Her ribs ached and there were happy tears leaking from her eyes but Ellie simply couldn't stop laughing. The sight had been too funny for her to ignore.

"That was not funny," Rin said indignantly. "You can stop laughing now."

"No...I..._can't_!" Ellie hiccuped through her laughter, clutching her stomach in wonderful pain. "That was too fucking funny!"

"It was _not_, you obnoxious child," Rin exclaimed, pouting like a small child. "It fucking hurt too, Ellie. Jesus, why do you have such good aim?"

"I _don't_ actually. I suck at it." Ellie tugged at her shirt that had risen up her torso just a little too far, exposing her stomach as she curled up into a ball of hysterical giggles. "God, if only I had filmed that."

"You know I would have smashed your phone if you had done that, right?"

"And then you would have paid for a new one. God, why do boys like smashing things so much?"

"Says the girl who got a sick satisfaction out of watching me smack my head against the bottom of Sosuke's bunk."

"I'm so glad you said 'bunk'."

"I hate you sometimes."

"As do I, Sharkie. As do I."

With her study notes successfully scattered and her shirt riding halfway up her stomach, Ellie felt like a proper giddy, little schoolgirl for the first time _ever _in her lifetime. She never liked to laugh in front of people. Ellie had always thought that she had an ugly laugh and an awkward smile but with Rin, she failed to care about how she looked and simply let herself go, making the notion of giving up a portion of herself just that little bit easier. It was sort of unsettling really, how relaxed she felt around Rin. She didn't like the feeling but she didn't exactly _hate_ it either.

Ellie found that it was becoming easier to open up to Rin as time passed between them. She could talk to him just that little bit more about home and about school but swimming was still very much off limits in certain areas. She still couldn't really handle kissing and it was something she severely dreaded to think about but Ellie also found that minor physical contact hardly bothered her anymore. Mostly, it was just when Rin pulled her out of the pool after almost _every_ training session, which she had managed to become quite used to in her often exhausted state after training.

Rin was silently pushing Ellie's limits more and more every day and she was grateful for it, just as she was grateful for the reserved nature of their relationship. They were friends first of all, elite swimmers second, hard-working students third and then a couple last. It suited Ellie well enough and she knew that it suited Rin as well. He wanted to achieve his dream, whilst Ellie only wanted a break from a life that was inevitable for her. She refused to get in his way on principle, even if she knew what his dream would most likely do to him. She simply couldn't bring herself to stop him, nor warn him of how things _actually_ ran in the sporting world. Ellie liked to think that he would learn on his own.

Sitting up, Ellie felt a slight vibration inside the pocket of her hoodie. Reaching in, she pulled out her phone and flicked through her lock screen, only to find a text message from her _father_, of all people. And rather unfortunately, the message was all in Norwegian.

"Oh joy," Ellie said with a sigh as she decrypted the message in her mind. "Let's see how much of my unused linguistic skills are still active."

"Hm?"

"My dad sent me a message." Ellie waved her phone in Rin's direction, although she doubted that he could see the altered letters and strange words that lit up the screen in a foreign language. "And of course, he decided to confuse my brain and send it to me in Norwegian. Goddamn it, I can't remember any of this."

"Norwegian?" Rin furrowed his brow, the red mark that once dominated one side of his forehead slowly beginning to fade. "Since when have you known how to speak Norwegian?"

"Since English was banned in my household until I was ten and we moved away from Tweed Heads. Dad's actually _not_ a native Australian. Mum's the Australian out of the two but she can speak Norwegian too. Maybe not as well as Dad or I, but she can speak to my grandparents without making a complete fool of herself."

"Wait, wait, wait-English was _banned_ in your household?"

Ellie nodded, sending her reply to her father in what she hoped was his first language. _Trust Dad to send me a text in a European language whilst I'm in Japan. God, fathers are idiots_. "Like I said before, yes," Ellie explained, brushing a few stray hairs behind her ear. "It was banned. I spoke English to my mother but whenever Dad was around, Norwegian was dominant. We still speak it a little bit at home now but usually it's only on special occasions, like when my father's parents are there or sometimes at Christmas. It was the first language I learnt to speak, while English was the first language I learnt to _write_. It's a weird and complicated situation but you know, what you gonna do?"

Rin frowned before switching positions on his bed to lie on his stomach, facing Ellie as she typed away on her phone, grinning like an idiot. She'd forgotten how funny her father actually was, especially when it came to jokes about her mother and her friends. He was always cracking jokes at the worst of times and Ellie found that he was no different on the phone than he was in person.

It didn't surprise Ellie that she missed her father more than her mother. There had always been a special place in her heart for her father, with his horrible aim that was strangely even worse than Ellie's and his cheery smile that never ceased to make Ellie feel just that little bit happier, no matter the situation. He was a person she could always rely on and Ellie appreciated that, even if there still were things that she kept a secret from him. She trusted him and that was all that mattered.

_Crazy old man, _she thought with a smile_._ Ellie dropped her phone into her lap and rubbed her eyes as she waited for her father's reply. Rin threw her ballpoint pen back at her, narrowly missing her arm by half an inch. "Damn," he muttered. "So close."

"But obviously not close enough," Ellie said as she opened her laptop once again and clicked into her emails just to double-check her inbox. Her teachers always had a funny way of notifying her of certain things at the weirdest of times, so Ellie wasn't really surprised to see an email from her Japanese teacher, asking about how she was coping in a foreign country. Her mind wandered as she typed up a reply, her fingers working faster with the distraction."Hey, am I in charge of nominations for next weeks prefecturals or is that your job?"

Rin shrugged. "I'll take it. After all, you organised the times for the relay-"

"-Which you _didn't_ actually use anyway."

"Yes but I think we agreed to ignore that. Besides, I think you have enough on your plate as it is with school and whatnot. What are you nominating for, anyway? Might as well start with you considering that you're here."

Ellie rolled her eyes, her phone buzzing in her lap. "You know already know my events, genius."

"Uh, no I don't," Rin replied, wandering over to his desk and opening his horrendously outdated laptop violently as if the device had attacked him. "So, events. Go."

Ellie sighed and rattled off her events as she focused on her phone. "Four hundred individual medley. Four hundred free. Two hundred and one hundred fly. And just for fun, let's throw in a fifty fly because I've always liked those." Ellie looked up from her phone screen, "That just about cover it?"

"Since when do you do four hundred metre I.M?"

"My, my, aren't you just full of questions today?" Ellie gathered up her scattered study notes and packed up her things as she spoke. "If you couldn't already tell, I'm a long distance swimmer. I actually do well in the I.M, _despite_ what others think. I always seem to have enough energy to sprint out the last hundred metres or so. That's why I do four hundred free as well."

Rin nodded with understand and then typed up her events on his laptop as Ellie's phone went off once again. The messages from her dad were still in Norwegian but as she continued to read them, the words were slowly becoming more familiar and less like gibberish scrawled across a digital screen.

**_Are you _ever_ planning on coming home, Elainya?_** Ellie cringed at her father's nickname for her, almost laughing at the sentiment.

According to her mother, Ellie's name had been a constant source of debate between her parents when she was born. Ellie's mother had preferred the name Allie, which Ellie had sworn a solemn vow of hatred against at age six. Her father had wanted Ellie to be named Elainya, a strange and foreign name that Ellie found ever so frustrating to pronounce _and_ spell, respectively.

After many hours of supposedly loud arguing, her parents had finally settled on the name '_Ellie_', a combination of the two names that they both wanted so badly. Even though her parents had settled on her abbreviated name, Ellie's father still insisted on calling her Elainya as some kind of affectionate nickname. Ellie didn't particularly mind but sometimes, the name simply got on her nerves.

_**I'm coming home for Christmas, if that makes you feel any better, Papa. Why the big rush anyway? **_

_**You don't know?**_

Ellie raised an eyebrow as she read the text, her pessimistic mind already turning to the worst case scenarios. _**What don't I know, Papa?**_

_**We received a call from Swimming Australia this morning. Their head coach wanted to officially ask you to join his elite squad in preparation for the Olympics in 2024. Your mother's already gone and bloody well accepted for you but that's alright with you, isn't it?**_

Ellie felt her stomach rise into her throat and her heart abruptly skipped a beat as the words inside her father's message sunk in. _Oh no_, she thought. _Oh no, oh no, oh no_. Ellie knew that her mother only thought that she was doing what Ellie would have liked her to do but if only she truly understood how her daughter felt about her swimming career. Then and only then would she know how devastating this news was to Ellie.

Ellie fought hard against the anxiety attack that she felt expanding in her chest through breathlessness and a racing heart. Her hands shook as she replied to her father, gripping her phone hard as her knuckles turned white. _**Yeah. That's fine. Look, I have to go. Sorry. Love you, Papa**_.

Without even a single second thought, Ellie texted Carla as she slowly slipped into a unhindered panic. _**Carla. Carla, pick up the phone. I need to talk to you. Please, just be in the dorm. Something's happened. Something very, very bad. Code fucking Red bad.**_

Her best friend's reply was almost instantaneous, just as Ellie would have expected from Carla._ **Of course I'm in the dorm**__**. What happened, Ellie? Are you alright?**_

Ellie bit her lip, trying her best to hide her inner distress from Rin._ **Define alright. **_

_**Alive, unharmed and emotionally stable. **_

_**Well, tick, tick and a 'maybe, sort of, not really' to fill the last box. Can I explain the situation when I get back to the dorm? **_

_**Sure. Just get here quickly okay? You'll be alright, I promise.**  
_

Ellie breathed in and out through her nose, trying not to panic as she packed up her things with an extra ounce of urgency. It took her approximately two full minutes to have everything gathered up in her arms, her forearms already aching under the weight of all her folders and textbooks. Her hands still remained shaky but Ellie managed to retain some kind of normalcy whilst adrenaline pumped itself through her veins.

Ellie left Rin's dorm with a harsh smile and a muttered excuse, her head throbbing from the sheer amount of horrible thoughts that were being generated inside. She was slowly beginning to crack. The distance between herself and home had once been a comforting and safe factor in her life, like nothing could hurt her as long as she just stayed away, but that feeling had suddenly begun to fade upon reading her father's news. It was her worst nightmare; to be locked into swimming with no easy escape routes.

Ellie had never opened her dorm door as quickly as she had when she made it home that afternoon. Surprisingly, she didn't even feel like crying at all but Ellie _did_ feel like punching something, preferably a wall or inanimate object over an actual person. Carla bolted up from her seat as Ellie stormed in and dumped her things on her desk. Ellie almost felt angry now, her panic transitioning into what felt like white hot rage.

"Ellie, what happened?" Carla asked. She calmly wrapped her arm around Ellie's shoulders, keeping her voice firm but kind. She knew how much Ellie hated to be treated like a frightened child when she was on the verge of a meltdown. Calmness was not always something that should happen before a storm.

Carla shook Ellie gently, repeating her question with a little more urgency. "Ellie, I'm not a creepy mind reader. I can't help you if you don't tell me what's happened."

"I know, I know!" Ellie snapped in reply, burying her face in her hands. "This is just so awful."

"What's so awful?" Carla said, tugging Ellie toward her desk chair and sitting her down gently. Carla yanked her own desk chair over to Ellie's side of the dorm and sat down opposite her, taking both Ellie's hands in hers and continuing on with the interrogation. "Ellie, talk to me. Please, _please_, just tell me what's wrong. Don't scare me like this if you're not going to tell me what's been happening,"

Ellie found it hard to form the words in her mouth, every working syllable sticking to her cheeks and preventing her from speaking. But in the end, Ellie finally found a way to get her message across, if not a little more slowly than usual. "My mum...my _parents_-they...they got a call from Swimming Australia the other day. Their head coach wanted to ask me about whether or not I would like to join their elite squad in preparation for the Olympics."

Carla listened intently, her grip on Ellie's hands tightening at the mentioning of the Olympics. "Okay...what did you tell them?"

Ellie's hands slowly began to shake again, her temper flaring high like the flames of a raging bonfire. "I didn't get to say anything. My mum, she...she gave them an answer herself. She told them '_Yes_'...without even asking me how I felt about it."

"Oh, no."

"Oh, yes," Ellie whispered, taking long breaths to avoid slipping into yet _another_ panic. "Mum...she went ahead and just...said yes, without even talking to me about it first. She just fucking..._threw_ my life away without even asking me-_fuck_!"

Ellie whimpered, taking her hands from Carla's and raking them through her loose hair as the tension shook her confidence even more. It took Carla only half a second to realise the severity of Ellie's words and it took even less time for her to wrap her arms around her best friend, pulling her into a tight embrace. Ellie hugged Carla back, even tighter than she ever had before, and buried her face in her best friend's shoulder as she clutched the back of Carla's jumper with unsteady fingers.

There were moments of explanatory speaking, moments of comforting silence and then moments of twisted laughter that passed between them after that. Sitting on a stratigcally assembled mountain of pillows underneath the covers that had been dragged off the pair's bunks, Ellie and Carla ate the last of the Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream that they had hidden in Sakura's cafateria kitchens and discussed the situation with the pleasing sugar-coated feeling lacing their tongues.

"It's so stupid," Carla muttered, licking the melting ice cream of her fingers. "How could your mother just decide for you? Haven't you told her about how you feel about swimming?"

"I thought that much was obvious."

Carla rolled her eyes, snatching the ice cream tub from Ellie's sticky hands in one clean swipe. "God, you have issues. This is why you're always in so much shit in the first place, Ellie-bear."

"Thanks for the support. I'd have thought you'd be a little bit more understanding there, Carla."

"Hey, I _am_ understanding. I just don't get why you haven't told your mum. Or your _dad_, for that matter. You always said that you trust him more than your mum, didn't you? Why keep your feelings a secret from him?"

Ellie shrugged, pulling the covers a little further up her body to preserve the warmth produced inside it's fibres. "You know me. What's the main reason I wouldn't want to tell someone something?"

"Well, usually it's because you don't actually like them and appreciate them as _people_ but I'm guessing that's not the answer."

Ellie smiled, the action looking weary and tired, and nodded. The answer was simple but it was something that had dominated Ellie's life _and_ personality for a number of years. It was a defining factor in her life, something that wasn't meant to be taken lightly. It was what made her get up every morning and ran, what pushed her to train hard, what pushed her to study for eight hours straight every day. It was what kept her from leaving competitive swimming for good. _Expectations_.

"I can't let them down," Ellie explained. "Even if it means doing something I hate, I can't...I can't bring myself to disappoint them in any way. If I stopped swimming, if I just up and left, my parents would be _furious_. It wouldn't matter how many good grades I give them or university acceptances that I produce. They'd never forgive me for '_wasting a good opportunity_'. They'd just see anything I do afterwards as a complete and utter waste of time and talent."

"Well, frankly, it _would_ but that's not the point." Carla licked the remainder of the ice cream off her spoon and hummed quietly before explaining herself. "Do you even know your parents, Ell? Because I honestly think they wouldn't care as long as you're happy, which you obviously _aren't_ at the moment. They're not those kind of parents who push their child into something they obviously don't want to do. Couldn't you just tell them like a normal person?"

"It's not that simple, Carla," Ellie snapped, grabbing blindly for the ice cream tub. "People expect things of me-"

"Well, of course they're going to expect things of you, Ellie. That's just life."

"_Not_ in the conventional way. People aren't meant to expect as much from an average teenager as they do from you or me. We have to give our all in everything we do, just to meet with their stupid, godforsaken expectations of us. It's _exhausting_, how much I have to give, in order to make other people happy."

"But you'll do it anyway, like you _always_ do. It's an honest problem for you, Ell. You love to win and you just have this..._need_ to please everyone around you. It's a dangerous combination, Ellie. A dangerous combination that you've never gotten over, and probably never will."

"Wow, that was dramatic. Do I hear the Pretty Little Liars theme in the background of that?"

Carla laughed, an amused sneer lighting up her face, and gently shoved Ellie further into the pile of pillows they were seated upon. "You know what I mean. You never think about yourself-well, you do but you just never consider whether or not you actually want to do what everyone else wants you to do. You're kind of co-dependent in that way. You choose social acceptance over your own peace of mind."

"Ouch. That kind of sounded like one of Mrs Hart's lectures. You don't think she's rubbing off on you, do you?"

"Of course no-_Ellie_, please just take this seriously, for Christ's sake."

Ellie held up her hands in surrender, leaning back as her friend's expression turned from friendly amusement to frustration. "I _am_ taking this seriously," Ellie replied. "But I just don't think I need reminders of my own faults and personality traits, thanks. I get enough of that from my parents."

"Yeah, well, sometimes you _really_ do need that reminder," Carla said, her tone insistent rather than angry. "And as much as I hate to say it, I'm not always going to be here to give you that wake-up call. Especially not after..."

Carla halted her explanation mid-sentence, leaving the conversation hanging in the increasingly tense air. Ellie watched her best friend with worry, her fair features turning sour as she fought against the information piling inside her mouth. Carla was hiding something from Ellie, yet again, and this time, Ellie _knew_ that it wasn't some ridiculous secret that was hardly worth her time. It was something serious. And it obviously was meant to have an impact on Ellie.

Carla kicked her side of the covers away and stood abruptly, taking loud and shaky breaths as she shook out her hands in a nervous twitch. Whatever the news was, it was making Carla extremely nervous and as far as Ellie could see, she wasn't even trying to hide that anxious behaviour. "Ell, I...I have something to tell you."

"Right," Ellie said, taking her time between sentences. "Does it have to do with the dance schools?"

"Yes. Well, _mostly_ but it's actually pretty terrifying and..._maybe_ ever so slightly exciting as well and I'd rather tell you about this now, okay? It's probably not the best of times but...well, I guess there is no right time for things like this."

Ellie raised an eyebrow, thinking the worst as she always did, but leaned back against the pillows and pulled the covers tighter around herself as she let Carla explain her situation.

"Okay, so...remember how you said that you wouldn't mind if I wanted to go to a dance school or a college that specialised in dance over most subjects or whatever?" Ellie nodded slowly, watching her friend mindlessly pace back and forth in front of her before continuing on. "Well, I've been looking into a lot of the schools for a few weeks now and I kind of found a school that I really, _really_ wanted to get into. The requirements for acceptance were a little ridiculous, and by ridiculous I mean '_horrendously hard_', but I ended sending them all the things that they required for acceptance couple of weeks ago. Letters of recommendation, records of past achievements, essays and so on. Well, I just got the reply back the other day and surprisingly...I-I got in. I don't know how but...I got in."

It took Ellie a few seconds to process the information that had been delivered to her so directly. Carla had actually listened to Ellie's advice for once. She'd gotten into a dance school, against all odds, and she was _finally_ taking the chance to be independent from Ellie and her anxiety-riddled mind.

The sentiment both pleased and worried Ellie. She hardly knew how to react, especially since she'd never received that kind of news before. Ellie had no idea what she was supposed to say, nor how she was meant to physically react, but in the end, she decided to go with the one thought that plagued her mind, overriding all the good thoughts about Carla's news. "Whe-um...Where's the school, exactly?"

That was the moment when Carla's expression turned dark. "New York," she replied. "I'm meant to start next year, _if_ I get the grades for a double major. I'm thinking of taking up drama in uni as well but...I don't really know, to be honest."

The name of the city that Carla would eventually be moving to felt like theoretical knife to the heart. Ellie, most definitely, wasn't prepared for _that_ kind of distance between herself and Carla. Her heart pounded in her chest as she digested the magnitude of her best friend's words but all she could say was, "Wow."

"_Wow_?" Carla scoffed at Ellie's reaction, her tone going from nervous to almost completely and utterly agitated in a split second. "What the hell do you mean by that, Ellie?"

"Well, I just...it's just a lot of information to take in, Carla. You're...You're moving away. You're moving away to _New York_ for school by mid-next year, Carla. How else do you expect me to react?"

Carla glared at Ellie, crossing her arms over her chest with a hateful scowl. "That's no excuse for you to be patronising, Ellie. This is a big thing for me. Can't you be happy, at the very least?"

"God Carla, listen to me. I _am_ happy for you," Ellie exclaimed, already getting frustrated with her inability to form proper speech. "But _you_ are my best friend. You're my best friend and you're moving half a world away from me. How else do you expect me to react to news like that?! I'm not heartless, Carla, I _do_ care about you. Am I not allowed to be distressed that my best friend is going to be leaving?"

"More like you're distressed that your best friend won't be here to look after you anymore," Carla hissed. "Why do you have to be so _selfish_ all the time?! I'm not your mother. I can't care for you every fucking time you have a meltdown over some insignificant detail that spooked you just a little too badly!"

"Woah, Carla. Where the hell did that come from?! I never said that I needed you here all the time just to look after me. I do value your company, you know? Besides, I thought you did those things, _like_ looking after me when I was upset or just plain freaking out, because-oh, I don't know? You were my _friend_?!"

"I _am_ your friend, Ellie but God knows, you can be such a goddamn manipulative little _bitch_ sometimes. _Especially_ with your compulsive need to make everyone so fucking happy and that little habit you have of making everyone _love_ you, even though you hardly ever appreciate them for it at all, while the rest of us are struggling to catch up. You've been given so many gifts in this world but you act as if you're the most disadvantaged person in the world! It shits me to tears, Ellie."

"Oh, you want to talk about our faults?! Let's discuss yours for a change, since we're all _so_ focused on mine." Ellie was furious at that point, up on her feet with her fists clenched at her sides and her temper reaching record peaks as she continued to snap back at Carla. "You-You _always_ make people feel as if their problems are nothing in comparison to others. You downplay the distress of others as if it doesn't even matter. Honestly, what gives you the right?! Why are you so determined to make others feel like their problems don't matter?"

"Why are _you_ so determined to make _me_ feel like I'm the monster here?! I've given up a lot for you, Ellie. I've followed you into everything; swimming, Japanese and even that fucking elective sport term in Year 8. I followed you because how else am I meant to protect you from yourself?! How else am I meant to make sure that you don't cause harm to yourself or God forbid, someone else? _Have you ever thought about that, Ellie?!_"

"Of course I've thought about that!" Ellie yelled, the volume of their argument rising with the seriousness of Carla's accusations. "Don't think that I haven't considered the sheer amount of times that I could have hurt myself or someone else because I was stuck in the dark again. Don't you _dare_ think it hasn't ever crossed my mind! You don't have to protect me from everything, Carla. Even though you may deny it, I am capable of protecting myself."

"_Really_?" Carla said after a long pause of silence, her tone becoming increasingly more serious as their argument went on. "Just like how you protected yourself two years ago? With those _pills_, those drugs, Ellie? How about that?"

Ellie's heart near stopped dead at Carla's threat, long-forgotten memories surfacing in a wave of nausea and emotional pain. Ellie refused to accept that Carla had used that secret between them against her. She _refused_ to think that her best friend would stoop that low. "That's not fair, Carla," Ellie whispered, finding that her voice had quickly disappeared along with her bubbling, white hot rage. "I thought we agreed never to bring that up again."

"Yeah, well, there are certain times that things like this _need_ to be discussed, Ell," Carla replied with an authoritarian tone. "There really is only _one_ way to describe you, Ellie. You're a mine field. I've said so many times now that you're probably sick of hearing it but you _are_ a mine field. Most people don't know how to navigate you, not like me, or Aisha or even Rin for that matter. You need to learn how to loosen up. How to let things go without having a panic attack mid-sentence. It's something you'll _have_ to do, Ellie, because I won't be there to help you anymore!"

There were tears brimming Ellie's eyes as Carla spoke, tears that Ellie wanted _desperately_ to disappear. A simple matter of a missing best friend shouldn't result in arguments as large as this and Ellie wanted nothing more than to hit the rewind button on life, forgetting everything that had passed between the pair in the last few minutes. But life was cruel, just as it always had been, and Ellie knew that what had happened in those short, few minutes, would only sink further into those dark corners her mind for many weeks to come.

With the argument silenced and both sides exhausted, the pair stared at each other, a mixed look of hurt and shock tainting their expressions. That was the first serious argument they'd had in over two years, just after the incident that Ellie wanted so badly to forget. For the most part, she _had_ but the moment that Carla brought it up once more, caused a shockwave to ricochet through her body. She hardly even remembered what had happened that night; it was all a blur of tears, sobbing and that strange numb feeling that had eventually overridden the pain that she could only just remember.

They had agreed to never bring that event up again. They'd made a promise to each other that the incident would be buried and forgotten, deep down in recesses of their minds. And yet despite that, Carla had used it against Ellie and caused the memory of it to surface once more. Ellie couldn't recall ever feeling so betrayed before. It was their secret, the one thing that she never should have done, and Carla had just thrown it back into her face as if it hadn't even mattered at all.

Ellie watched as Carla's eyes widened, her best friend thinking the exact same thing about the words that had left her mouth. Carla stared off into open space for a moment, shocked in all manners of the word, and then looked back to Ellie, her eyes rimmed with red.

"Ellie, I...I'm so sorry," she said desperately, taking a step forward toward Ellie. Ellie instinctively jolted herself backwards, focusing hard on her breathing. "I didn't mean it like that, I _swear_-"

"It's okay," Ellie snapped, looking down at the ground before she could work up the courage to even look at Carla again. "You were angry. People say stupid things when they're angry. It's okay, honestly."

"No, it's not okay, Ellie. We promised not to talk about..._that_ and I just...threw it around like that, without even thinking." Carla's hands shook as she covered her mouth, biting her lip hard to stop herself from crying. "Oh God, and I said those things-"

"Carla, it's _fine_," Ellie assured her. "It's not like I didn't say any horrible things either."

The two stood in silence for a moment, watching each other in their horror-filled states, before Carla dared to speak again, her voice cracking slightly as her words were spoken in hushed tones. "I'm sorry, Ellie. I'm so, _so_ sorry for the things I said. I had no right to use that incident against you an-"

"Carla, it's fine, honestly. I...I _did_ kind of need a wake-up call to be honest. Just wasn't expecting something like _that_, is all. Besides...I did call you inconsiderate, or at least implied it. I guess I k ind of deserved it, don't you think?" Ellie smiled against the hurt she was feeling inside, trying to crack a joke at the worst of times. _Like father, like daughter_, she thought.

Carla smiled weakly in reply but her lovely smile failed to reach her shining eyes. "I guess...but do...do you really think that me..._leaving_ would be bad?"

"I never said anything like that," Ellie replied. "You've already forgotten. I told you that I'd be perfectly fine if you chose to go to a dance school rather than follow me into swimming, and I _am_ obviously fine with that, but...I don't know. Like I said before, it's just a lot to take in. We didn't exactly handle the situation in the best of ways but...you got your message across."

"Yeah...I kind of did." Carla twisted and tugged at the sleeves of her hoodie, uncertainty still present in her guilty expression. "What are _you_ going to do, anyway? About the elite squad, I mean."

Ellie shook her head, unusually grateful for the change of subject. "I don't know," she said. "Right now, I think...I think I'd rather just spend some time with you than ponder on the subject of my woefully depressing sporting career."

* * *

**A.N: So, this chapter was basically all Carla and Ellie. Because their friendship is beautiful (or at least it usually is. Muah ha ha.)**

**Well, there was a bit of heavy stuff in this chapter, argument and all. There definitely wasn't enough humour as I would have liked but humour wasn't really needed for this chapter. I'm kind of pushing the story along, so next chapter will most likely be on prefecturals and the events that will ensue that day.**

** It'll take me longer to write it, unfortunately, because I have a fair few assignments coming in from school and I need to focus on them for a while. Even though I love writing, I kind of love being first in the form for Geography, English and Japanese a bit more thanks. School is kind of hard...**

**Thank you to _IKhandoZatman_ and _Anon_ for reviewing. Thank you to everyone else to who followed and favourited the story. There are so many of you now but I love you all and I do enjoy reviews, critical, encouraging and general comments alike. **

**Just to pinpoint the issue that _Anon_ brought up, I honestly am still on the fence about how I'm even meant to write the relationship between Rin and Ellie. I do agree that Rin would want to be more reserved about their relationship but Ellie is the kind of person who would be even more reserved than Rin, much to the point where she most likely wouldn't say anything about her feelings without a prompt.**

**I did take on your advice and make Rin and Ellie's relationship a bit more reserved but I prefer to think that their interactions would be more like those of best friends rather than that of a couple. Do you see where I'm going with this? Good, because I was about to start ranting and that wouldn't have been good.**

**Until the next chapter...**


	10. Chapter IX

**Chapter IX:**

**Swimming for the Sake of Swimming**

* * *

_Water is a mirror. How many times must one look into it's depths and see themselves as they truly are, rather than who they want to be? _

The blinking blue line on Ellie's Word document continued to disappear and then abruptly reappear unhindered on her screen as she stared at the words she had written the night before.

Ellie vaguely remembered typing the cryptic words, only small slivers of recognition following as she scanned the letters. It was hardly a sort a phrase that she usually wrote freely but the hidden sentiment in the statement hit Ellie as hard as a speeding car. She wondered what she had been thinking in that moment of half conscious daze, leaving the page mysteriously blank afterwards. '_Rather than who they want to be...' _

Rubbing her tired eyes, Ellie yawned and closed her laptop with a dull thud. Five o'clock in the morning was far too early for Ellie to be having philosophical thoughts, let alone having any thoughts at all. Today was the day of prefecturals. That was all she thought she needed to know.

The Samezuka cafeteria was almost exactly the same as Sakura's, which ever so slightly disturbed Ellie as she walked into the large open eating space with her laptop in hand and a deadly glare to match her foul mood. The members of the swim team that were usually friendly to her backed away at the sight of her threatening gaze and soon, whispers echoed from person to person as she went by. Luckily, Ellie's mind was firmly fixated on more important matters aside from other people's opinions that morning, like coffee, food and getting to the task of finding some insignificant corner of the room, in which she could simply crawl into and die.

Ellie hated early mornings. And by the term, '_early mornings_', she basically meant that any day in which she had to wake up earlier than six o'clock for her morning runs was bound to be a _bad_ day. Anything beyond that six o'clock time limit was the infamous danger zone and almost all of Ellie's friends back home knew never to make any sudden movemnets around her during that time.

Ellie's parents would often refuse to speak to her on early carnival mornings when she was a child, waiting until the clock hit that vital number six and her mood seemed to significantly improved Ellie had always appreciated that, since she hardly ever enjoyed talking to people whilst tired, but she had the profoundly distinct feeling that she wasn't going to get the same treatment from Rin and Sosuke, no matter how many warnings Carla provided them.

Without a word, Carla, who had been haphazardly running around the cafeteria getting food for both herself and Ellie whilst chatting to almost everyone on the team, sat herself down on the other side of the table that Ellie had managed to find fifteen minutes earlier at the back of the room. The blonde handed Ellie the coffee she had asked for and then began ranting about her cultural Religion essay over her breakfast, causing Ellie's head to break out into a severe migraine.

Ellie said nothing in contribution to the one-sided conversation, simply gulping down her usual morning dose of caffeine in as a large a quantity as she can handle in one mouth full. Looking down at her phone's digilitalized clock, she saw that the time had indeed passed into the six o'clock safe zone and she aburptly perked up, feeling almost infinitely better about the day.

Alongside Ellie's improved mood came her desire for a proper conversation. "What do you have today?" she asked, her voice sounding as dry as sandpaper.

Carla shrugged, skewering a piece watermelon with her fork. "Two-hundred individual medley. Two hundred back. And the four hundred with you. Why?"

"Just wondering," Ellie said, tapping her fingers against the lid of her laptop. "You need your shoulder strapped today?"

"It should be fine. Besides, I have strapping tape with me if anything goes wrong. You know what to do."

"And you say I rely on you too much, Carlie-bear." Ellie flashed Carla a cheeky grin, a rarity for Ellie at that early in the morning.

Carla rolled her eyes. "Wow. Ellie develops a sense of humour _and_ common decency this morning. It's a fucking miracle."

Ellie rolled her eyes and resumed to drinking her coffee whilst Carla continued to shovel down her breakfast, presumably without even tasting the food that was in her mouth. Carnival mornings were always hard on everyone, no matter how cheerful or optimistic you usually were in a day. It was always a struggle to get moving and eating but nothing was worse than the ultimate struggle to dive into the usually freezing pool for warm-up every single carnival.

A sharp kick to the face whilst being swum over at State Age had quickly taught a young ten-year-old Ellie that warm-up was often a hard battle to stay ahead of the person behind you. More often than not, Ellie would come out of the pool with a few scratches down her legs and maybe even a developing bruise along arm or shoulder. It was a constant agonising experience that Ellie preferred not to think until she reached the pool faculties.

After being fashionably late for breakfast, Rin, eyes bright even in the early stages of the morning, politely waded his way through the large crowd of excited first-years that had congregated around him and sat himself down beside Ellie in her solitary corner. Sosuke, who had followed Rin through the bustling crowd, sat down beside Carla on the other side of the table, with various amounts of food divided between the pair. Rin eyed Ellie judgingly, a small but teasing smile lighting up his face

"Aren't you eating anything?" he asked, his eyes momentarily flicking toward Ellie's laptop where food was presumably meant to be. "From the looks of it, you'll be exhausted before you even reach pool, Khaleesi. Might want reconsider."

"Oh please," Ellie snapped. "I have perfected this into a fine art."

Rin raised an eyebrow, poking her in the elbow with a chopstick. "Come on, Ellie. You need something other than coffee to make it through the morning."

"Do you even know me? Coffee is almost always what I need. Fuck food. I like caffeine."

"You're ridiculous."

"As are you, Sharkie, but I just don't point it out often. It'd just be rude to do so. Also, why were you late, Mr I'm-Captain-But-I-Honestly-Couldn't-Be-Bothered-To-Be-Punctutual?"

"That's an incredibly long last name."

Ellie groaned and softly punched him in the arm, before persisting with her questioning. "Very funny. Now answer the question."

Rin's expression suddenly turned dark as she waited for his answer. He took his time concocting an answer, his eyes actively avoiding her own. "I was at...Uh, I just slept in is all. Nothing to worry about."

The hesitation to fully explain his lateness caused a spark of curiosity in Ellie. He was usually so open to answering any questions Ellie asked him and wasn't exactly prone to keeping many secrets from her. Well, at very least, not secrets that mattered.

But the sloppy finish to Rin's sentence basically igniting neon signs that shone above his head with the words '_Hiding Something_'. Even though his cover-up was suspicious and ever so slightly hurtful, Ellie let the slip-up go. Rin was entitled to his own privacy. It wasn't as if he was her property.

Ellie sighed and finished off the last of her coffee before picking up her laptop and shoving it into her swim bag. "Well, you might want to put on an alarm next time," she said. "Because we're leaving. In, like, five minutes."

"What?!"

"Mmhm. You were actually _incredibly_ late, believe it or not. Might wanna work on that."

The chaotic rush Rin _and_ Sosuke made through breakfast after Ellie's comment was almost worth filming by her own standards and both Carla and Ellie contented themselves by standing back and watching the boys as they panicked both inwardly and outwardly. In the end though, the four of them made it out onto the pavement in front of the school with only seconds to spare.

The organisation of the swim team was quickly turned to a controlled kind chaos, with Rin quickly losing his temper due to the rising level of noise from his fellow team members. Ellie was the main source of calm between them, although it was more a sort of a deadly calm than anything else, and she herded the team onto the bus with a few quick words and veiled threats to get them moving.

The only outburst Ellie let herself experience was when the over-energetic ass that was Momotarou complained extensively about missing out on the seat he had wanted to claim. Ellie, fully fed-up with his effortless skills at complaining, slapped him hard over the top of the head and pushed him into the seat beside his roommate, Nitori. The start of the trip to the tournament had been a full-scale nightmare but once Ellie and the others were on the bus, things finally started to move forward again.

Ellie sat beside Rin on the bus with her hair flipped forward into the walkway aisle, Carla's fingers threading themselves through her hair as she created Ellie's usual upside down braid bun. Braiding, unfortunately, took up space that the two of them did not have whilst seated beside each other. As a solution, Carla managed to convince Rin to swap seats with her in the opposite aisle and then, ordered Ellie to flip her hair forward into the walkway. None of them complained, considering Carla had the look of death on her side.

All the while, Ellie kept thinking about those words that she had hazily typed into her laptop the night before. '_Rather than who they want to be..._' The words had both meaning and the again, no meaning at all at exactly the same time. What exactly was she hoping to achieve by writing those words down? What exactly had she been thinking?

Ellie questioned whether or not it was to do with her inability to decide what she was going to do outside of swimming. She wanted to go to university, she knew that much, but she had almost no idea what she wanted to study. She had no clue what profession she would be most likely to chose and no clue what it was that she _truly_ wanted. Swimming was the only thing that ever came to mind and in turn, Ellie supposed that it was blocking her from wanting anything else out of life.

_Great_, she thought, fastening bobby pins into the loose strands of her upside down braid turned bun that Carla had meticulously created. _Just what I wanted before studying for trials. Indecisiveness_.

Once off the crowded bus, all things seemed to run smoothly as the day began. Warm-up was thankfully not missed by the lateness of Samezuka's arrival and Ellie even managed to do a little coaching on the side. Rin, overcome with some notion of self-doubt, sought her out in the midst of the warm-up frenzy for the sheer matter of her opinion.

"You cannot be serious." Ellie fiddled with the bobby pins in her hair for fifth time that morning as she considered Rin's words, even though the notion seemed absolutely ridiculous. "Please tell me that you honestly do not think that you'll lose to Haru. Do not tell me you're having doubts. In fact, don't tell me any of this. I prefer good, positive thoughts on race day, thanks."

"Ellie, come on," Rin whined, placing his hands on her shoulders in an unfair advantage of contact. "Just tell me what I can improve on and what I'm doing wrong and then, I'll be out of your hair."

Shivering under his fingertips, Ellie thought up a quick response and sighed. "First of all, the hands, Rin. Don't use that kind of shit against me and _then_, I might consider helping you."

Rin grinned evilly, before taking one hand off her left shoulder and leaving the right placed on the relatively bare skin of her shoulder. Despite the fact that it wasn't the change in posture that Ellie had hoped for, it was enough for her to gain confidence to speak again. "Thank you," she said before continuing on. "Secondly, even if I told you what you were doing wrong with your stroke, there's hardly anything you could do to fix it today."

"I could try," Rin exclaimed, becoming strangely defensive of his own doubts. "Ellie, help me, for crying out loud."

"Rin, you've trained _months_ for this. You're more than prepared. Build a bridge, get over this little speed-hump and move on your life. Is that enough of a confidence booster for you?"

Rin groaned, looking considerably frustrated with her response. "That's it," he said, shaking his head as a sly idea lit up in his eyes. "You're going in the pool, Khaleesi. I'm incredibly done with you."

"Wha-_Hey_!"

Before Ellie could even think of defending herself, Rin lifted her up over his shoulder in one swift movement and carried her over to the edge of the pool at the amusement of innocent bystanders. Ellie yelled obscene phrases and words, fighting against Rin's ridiculously steady grip on her hips. Her struggle was useless as it seemed and Ellie quickly found herself airborne for a split second and then submerged underneath lukewarm, chlorinated pool water after miraculously missing a collision with a first-year from another school team. The aftermath of that particular argument settler was understandably violent.

The events of the day began with breastroke, a stroke that both Carla _and_ Ellie were tremendously hopeless at. Their other friend Aisha, Ellie's counterpart as House Captain, was the main breastroker in their friendship group back home.

Aisha often made the stroke look so much easier than it actually was, snapping her legs around quicker than anyone Ellie had ever seen, and she managed to win a few National records and medals before leaving swimming for good. Unfortunately, Aisha found that she wasn't cut out for competitive swimming after she fell extremely ill around the time that Carla and Ellie made it into the Youth Olympics. It set her career in swimming back at least four years and so, she moved on to more fruitful pursuits. One of the more fruitful of those pursuits being that of Law, which Aisha found strangely interesting.

Ellie sat toward the back of the grandstands with Carla sitting on one side of her and Rin on the other, who spoke quietly to the former captain of Samezuka who had turned up all of a sudden that morning. Ellie shared her music with Carla as usual and watched the events with interest as she tried to ignore her annoyingly wet hair.

Glancing at the heat number on the time board, Ellie lightly elbowed Rin, hoping to catch his attention. "Nitori's in this race, right?" she said, sitting up a little straighter. "He's been training pretty hard for this event, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, he has," Rin replied, looking down at the pool with veiled concern. "But I don't know how he'll go. Breastroke isn't a stroke that comes easily. Nagisa has been training with the stroke for years and I doubt he'll give up easily for the sake of his team."

"Mm, breastroke is the hardest of them all," Ellie remarked. "My coach once told me that you're either a natural breastroker or you're not cut out for the stroke at all. If you don't already have some aptitude for it, the stroke just won't work for you and you only end up fighting with your own form whilst trying to build up speed. As you can imagine, I gave up on it pretty early on. I'm definitely not a breastroker."

Sosuke, who had been sitting in the aisle in front of them, piped up with his own contribution to their conversation. "I do agree with you on that," he said. "Breastroke is a stroke that's meant to come on naturally. It's quite hard to force it on someone when their body isn't naturally built to it or accustom to it."

"It causes injuries too." Ellie pointed to Carla, using her as an example."I don't know how many times I've witnessed Carla near tear a weak ligament in her knee when playing netball. All because she used to specialise in breastroke before her physio told her to stop."

Rin nodded, the whistle signal sounding below as a sign to tell the swimmers to get onto their blocks. "I just hope he hasn't burnt himself out before the race," he remarked. "He was really pushing himself in warm-up this morning."

Ellie leaned forward and tried to get a better view of the pool. "Well, I guess we'll see, won't we?"

The orderly silence that appeared before every race cut their conversation short as the group leaned forward just slightly to watch the race that was about to unfold. Iwatobi's Nagisa had been placed in lane four, the notorious lane for the fastest in a heat, and Nitori had been placed right beside him in lane three.

Although Ellie hadn't seen much of Nagisa's breastroke, she knew from what Rin had told her that Nitori was going to have his work cut out for him to reach regionals. Considering the fact that he'd only just started to pick up the stroke this season, Ellie was almost certain that it would take a miracle for him to make it through prelims. The other swimmers were all much more experienced than him and Nagisa was definitely faster than him, judging off the various relays between the Samezuka and Iwatobi that Ellie had witnessed.

_I just hope it doesn't break his confidence_, Ellie thought as the '_take your marks_' signal was called. Ellie knew all too well how fragile a swimmer's confidence could be. One small mistake could create a domino effect in an individual's system, causing them to doubt everything about their stroke and their form to the point of paranoia. It was something she was incredibly familiar with. In fact, it was the main reason she hated swimming to begin with.

Ellie almost felt strange speaking, even _thinking, _about swimming in such theoretical terms. She wasn't exactly a coach by any standards but she did know what she was talking about and Ellie supposed that it was natural for her to think that way, if not a little uncomfortable as well.

Ellie bit her lip and thought silently. _Here we go_. The starting signal went off, causing a wave of swimmers to dive into the water with a slower reaction time than Ellie had expected from them. Nagisa took the lead as expected, his near-perfected form making up for his lack of general speed as he established a steady lead of two body lengths toward the end of the first fifty metres. Nitori put up a good fight, pushing himself further and further ahead until he had almost caught up to first place.

Unfortunately, that sudden burst of energy had been used too early. Nagisa, who had been feigning the lengthening of his arms until the last twenty-five, pulled ahead once more, leaving Nitori and the rest of his competitors behind. Nitori continued to swim to his full capacity but he obviously had nothing left and simply couldn't achieve the finish that Ellie knew he could do.

Ellie could hardly blame him. Sudden exhaustion happened to almost every swimmer at least once in their swimming career and often it was due to a simple matter of accelerating at the wrong time. Ellie supposed it was because Nitori was naturally a long-distance swimmer and wasn't used to the continuous sprint of a hundred-metre race like everyone else. Every swimmer had their strengths. Sprints obviously weren't something he could deal with.

Ellie leaned back in her seat and sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Damn," she said. "I hope he doesn't take it too hard."

Rin frowned, nodding with agreement. "So do I."

"It's as we expected," Sosuke remarked, sounding a little blunt in his delivery. "He wasn't cut out for it."

"I don't think sprints are his thing," Ellie said knowingly. "He gave his all too early and was left with nothing toward the end. He really needs to work on that."

"Yes, yes, Coach Churchill," Carla muttered under her breath, passing Ellie her other earphone before grabbing her cap and goggles. "Well, I'm off to the I.M. Cheer for me, will you?"

"Oh, you know I won't."

Carla rolled her eyes and walked off with a smile, swivelling her hips as she went. The two-hundred individual medley was one of Carla's specialties. She was the sprinter between herself and Ellie, with more records in short distance events than Ellie's ever achieved. Unfortunately, long-distance events really weren't her thing. Those events were mostly left to Ellie.

Backstroke was next, being one event before the two hundred individual medley. Makoto, the backstroker from Iwatboi, was naturally faster than the majority of the people in his heat, especially considering he was built like a freaking giant and had an extra reliance on his kick that gave him an extra edge. Ellie fully expected him to win his heat but who came second was a shock to them all.

"Jesus, Momo's catching up to him," Ellie muttered, watching the younger boy in the outside lane, his stroke being much smoother than Makoto's but unfortunately, nowhere near as fast. "If he keeps this up, he'll probably make it through prelims."

"Shouldn't being in an outside lane slow him down?" Sosuke questioned, watching with vague interest. "The waves from the other swimmers-"

"They're hardly doing anything to him," Rin exclaimed.

Ellie rolled her eyes, the inexperience of the boys showing through. "Outside lanes aren't necessarily bad. Usually the waves are broken up by the lane ropes. It's usually just the water jets on the side of the pool that you have to compete with, even though they usually don't have much effect unless they're incredibly powerful. The majority of the time, people in the outside lane get bogged down by the mental side of it."

"What mental side of it?"

Ellie shrugged. "It's obvious, isn't it? Being in an outside lane usually means that you had one of the slower times in the heat. That knowledge can rattle your confidence quite severely and so, you swim slower than usual. But it's not like no one's won a gold medal from an outside lane. I was in an outside lane for both my races at...at the Youth Olympics."

The words tasted like vinegar in her mouth, pure poison laced along every syllable. Ellie hadn't thought the example through enough, hadn't realised what she was saying until the very last minute. It was a simple mistake but a simple mistake that near made her want to tear her heart out of her chest. She wasn't even remotely close to giving away such information casually, as her emotions and beliefs refused to allow her to do so, but Ellie often found that it was in conversation that she let things slip. _What a nightmare_.

Ellie spent the next few minutes trying incredibly hard to forget the words that had come out of her mouth. Rin sensed her discomfort relatively early on, quickly ending the conversation and glaring at Mikoshiba when he tried to bring the subject up again a few minutes later. Ellie almost felt bad for stifling the flow of friendly conversation but for the sake of her sanity and her over-worked heart, Ellie supposed that the silence was necessary.

Carla entered her I.M almost immediately after the backstroke had finished, her bright Funkita one-piece visible for all with bright swirling colours of red, yellow and pink. Her race went well in the beginning, with her butterfly creating a lead bigger than any Ellie's seen before from Carla and her backstroke only seemed to extend that ridiculous gap between her and the other swimmers. Breastroke went as expected and she lost about a body length in a lead before she made it to the freestyle turn but that's when things started to get worrying.

To the untrained and inexperienced eye, Carla's turn would have looked no different from any other elite swimmer's turn; quick, precise and over in a split second. But to Ellie, it was a split second too long. Carla usually flipped into her breastroke turn, thanks to the new rules about tumble-turns in form strokes being introduced by the Americans, but instead, she simply performed a touch-and-go turn and even that particular turn took longer than it should have. Ellie didn't know what had happened but she could only hope that it was simple and fixable rather than some kind of permanent injury. Luckily, the injury, as it turns out, was hardly even an injury at all.

Carla sat in front of Ellie with one strap of her swim suit down, strapping tap stuck onto her skin as Ellie worked through the process of strapping her weak shoulder. It wasn't the first time she'd ever had to do so, considering strapping injuries and weak muscles was often something that had to be done during the netball season. "Should have strapped it this morning, you idiot."

Carla snorted loudly, fiddling with her phone as Ellie applied another piece of tape to her shoulder. "I'm fine Ellie. And I had no way of knowing that my shoulder would give in that race, God. You're worse than my mother."

"I'm just looking out for my accident prone friend. No need to snap at me."

"Oh please, I'm nowhere near as bad as Aisha. That girl could trip on a blade of grass and break her arm during the fall."

"Yeah, that's true," Ellie replied. "But you're the one with the weak shoulder muscles."

"Whatever, Little Miss Tidal Wave. I still have two-hundred back to go. _You_ haven't even swam yet."

"And, that's why I want to get this done quickly so I can get down to marshalling on time."

"What have you got?"

"Individual medley and then the four hundred free two events afterward, which _you_ need to be in. I'll probably just hang around the marshalling area rather than come back up here. I got the unlucky events that happen right before lunch, so I'm physically dead before I even eat my food."

"As if you'd die, Tornado. There's hardly much a couple of long distance events would do to you." Carla turned her head to the side and flashed Ellie a grin, before turning back to watch the pool down below the grandstands. "Your boyfriend's swimming now, just so you should know."

Ellie rolled her eyes, pressing on with the task in front of her. Ellie didn't want to think about her races. She hadn't swam in a carnival since Nationals and she originally hadn't planned to swim again until the next Australian summer, with her first intentions of moving to Japan being purely for the sake of getting _away_ from swimming. But low and behold, Ellie had managed to find herself in a competition yet again. The familiar buzz of adrenaline mixed with nerves sloshed inside her stomach to create a cocktail of emotions that made Ellie's head spin with anxiety.

There was no way that Ellie would ever forget what it felt like to swim at a carnival. From the smell of the chlorine that filled her nose when she entered the facility to the smooth and fast feeling of her body slipping through the water during warm-up. The sound of coaches infuriating whistles during the breastroke races. The steadiness of the block underneath her feet. The feeling of a carnival was always hard to forget but every swimmer loved it, including Ellie, even if she failed to admit it to herself.

Although she couldn't bare to watch Rin's race from up in the grandstands, Ellie did allow herself to watch the last few seconds of it whilst down in the marshalling area. His butterfly was as fluid and smooth as ever, with his arms flicking over the top of the water with ease and his kick pushing him even further forward. Ellie did spot one point of his stroke that could use improvement: his breathing position. Coming too far out of the water and breathing to the front rather than turning his head to side like most new-age butterflyers were his one and only fault.

_Trust me to be the one who finds that_, Ellie thought before heading out to her own race. She immediately cursed herself for thinking about Rin, knowing full well that she should be focusing on her own race rather than another person's form.

Individual medleys were always tricky business and none of the ones that Ellie had ever competed in had ever turned out to be easy. They were often unpredictable and the race would usually boil down to simply how she was feeling on the day. And all Ellie seemed to be feeling that day was a mixture of anxiety and nausea by the time she reached the diving blocks.

Ellie tried her best to ignore the feeling of multiple eyes on her as she stretched out her arms in front of the blocks. She was in lane four, as expected, and she was in the fastest heat of the event, with the quickest time by far. Ellie knew that made her target. And it wasn't hard to notice that the other swimmers knew that too.

_Breathe_, Ellie thought to herself as the whistle blew. _Just breathe and get it over with_.

And she did. She made it through the race with flair. The rhythm Ellie had set for herself throughout the race had worked effectively enough for her to reach the end without even breaking a sweat. By the time she'd reached her last hundred metres, she was almost half a pool length in front of everyone else. Her time was one second off it's usual best but that didn't bother Ellie so much. If anything, the race had lifted her spirits.

That unfamiliar happiness at having done well in a race swelled up inside her chest as she pulled herself out of the pool and wandered back over to the marshalling area, hardly even panting from her last race. It was strange to feel such happiness, especially when it came from the triumph of swimming and swimming alone. Ellie almost found it suspicious. How could she feel pleased after swimming? After how long did her body just simply give up and let her feel that way again?

Ellie didn't question it. She simply smiled and continued to swim unhindered, hoping that the feeling would last just long enough for her to do well in the remainder of her events the next day. Not for the sake of herself but for the sake of her team.

After all, they deserved praise more than Ellie ever would.

* * *

**A.N: Yes. I realise that that was a weird ending. But meh.**

**I may or may not be a Kisumi fangirl already. Just like the rest of the fandom...**

**So, not much of a response from last chapter. I'm assuming that was for a reason but I don't know what that is unfortunately. And I'm sure you all know why... Oh well, moving on. **

**Thank you to _Anon_ and _Saturnspaz_ for reviewing. Thank you to everyone else for favouriting and following. Might I just add, that I cannot improve on my writing if you guys don't tell me what I'm doing write and what I'm doing wrong. Just saying...(I can feel the judgement coming toward me.) **

**_Saturnspaz_: Ellie's flaws are revealed and developed throughout the story (at least that's what I think). Her main flaw is, yes, her inability to accept swimming the same way anymore but there are others there. Her selfishness in terms of putting her own problems ahead of everyone else. Expecting her best friend to give up everything for her. Being a poo in the morning. That kind of stuff. People will interpret her the way that they want to but that's how I see her at least.**

**Until next time (in which I will be sobbing with happiness because _Kisumi)...:)_**


	11. Chapter X

**Chapter X:**

**Intensity **

* * *

Carla wasn't always the suspecting kind of girl.

Surprisingly, there often wasn't much that got past her. From Ellie's one-off little white lies that constantly supported the denial of the fact that she texted Rin in the middle of the night to her teachers repeatedly explaining to her they were too busy to email her back on time. Carla had always had an uncanny ability to pick up on the little lies that people told her from time to time.

Carla wasn't quite sure where the talent had come from but she guessed that it had stemmed from back when she had torn a ligament in her knee during a Saturday morning netball game. Carla remembered how her parents had lied to her, telling her that her knee would heal up just fine and increased room for false hope inside her heart.

It wasn't until Carla's physiotherapist told her that her third-degree ligament tear would take at least three months to heal, alongside physiotherapy and conditioning, that she started to doubt her parents' claims. It wasn't until he told her that she would most likely have to stop all sports for at least six months that she began to question her parents. But most painfully of all, it wasn't until he told Carla that she most likely would never be able to swim breastroke competitively again that she finally realised that her parents had lied to her.

After that, she seemed to be able to spot liars for a mile away. Much to the amusement of Ellie, Carla would catch people out whilst in the midst of a poorly delivered lie and begin to chastise them on the consequences involved in such a crime. It wasn't hard for Carla to spot a liar anymore; a muttered explanation here and there, eyes evading her own, the occasional fidgetiness that overcame a person as they spoke. Carla was adept at reading people but for the sake of other people's privacy, she often let her observations remain unvoiced.

The second day of competition came relatively quickly after the blur of exhaustion the night before. Ellie had walked off with Rin the moment they arrived home, her disturbingly happy tone following her as she joked with Rin all the way back to the Samezuka dorms. Sosuke chose to wait around at the school pool with Carla rather than follow Rin back, providing no explanation for his decision as he sat down beside her on the steps out the front of the pool.

Carla refused to question Ellie's sudden change of heart about prefecturals and even swimming in general. She knew full well that to ask Ellie anything about her mood swings was like entering into a maze that only had one exit and that exit was hidden behind three layers of emotionally confusing vines that looked suspiciously familiar every time you walked past them. Ellie's mind was something Carla actively chose to avoid understanding. _Too much effort_, she often thought to herself. _Too much effort and too much pain_.

Sosuke usually wasn't the person to initiate conversation between them. Often, it was Carla who started their little chats, with her bubbly personality allowing her to have an outgoing attitude toward people and _talking_ in general. It was a genuine surprise to Carla when Sosuke had asked her a question without prior prompting and the question itself possessed a whole different tone of surprise to it.

He fidgeted before he spoke, being careful not to touch Carla due to their close proximity, and leaned back onto the step in a vague attempt to relax. From what Carla saw, his plan to relax didn't work and he spoke with obvious nervousness, something Carla wasn't used to hearing from the constantly blunt young man. "Carla..." he said. "What...what exactly is your opinion of me?"

Carla sat still for a moment, considering the question in the most professional manner possible, even though her main thought on it was '_How the hell am I meant answer this shit without looking like either a complete heartless bitch or a desperate little ninth-grader?!_'. Carla sighed heavily, choosing firstly to skirt around the question rather than tackle it head on.

"I don't particularly know what you mean there, Sosuke," Carla replied with a sly smile tainting her lips. "Are you asking me for my opinion of you in a friendly sort of way or in a _'Can I trust you enough to dispose of the body I just killed'_ kind of way?"

Sosuke creased his brow, frown lines forming on his forehead. "I don't follow you."

"You're not meant to, genius." Carla reached up and ruffled Sosuke's damp hair, laughing at his naïveté. "I just don't know how to answer your question, is all. No need to look so serious."

"It's a serious question, Carla. You don't have to be so sarcastic about it."

Carla rolled her eyes at Sosuke's serious tone and tried her hardest to think up an answer to his endlessly complicated question. It wasn't like the two of them had talked much about being together as a couple in general. Neither of them were like Rin and Ellie, who liked each other outwardly and obviously, even though the both of them tried their best to hide their attraction toward each other. Sosuke was too serious and Carla was too friendly. They chose not to talk about their feelings on principle, simply to preserve their friendship. Simple and easy.

But Carla knew that she felt something for Sosuke, something she had trouble explaining. It was frustrating really, considering it had been so easy in the beginning to feel physically attracted to him without feeling anything at all. It had been so easy to just watch him swim, to appreciate the way his muscles shifted underneath his skin as his arms flicked over the top of the water. It had been so easy to just feel something physically for him but Carla wasn't used to the emotional side of her feelings, the attraction that developed slowly as she got to know him more and more.

Carla could deal with the prospect of a physical relationship with Sosuke but her mind seemed to stall whenever she thought of engaging in the conventional boyfriend-girlfriend conundrum. It wasn't that Carla didn't want that kind of relationship. In fact, she wanted it more and more every time she thought about it.

But with the reminder of New York Looming over her head, Carla questioned her desire for a relationship with Sosuke. She didn't think she could bear it if she grew to love him and eventually had to leave. She didn't think she could bear to see Sosuke's face as she walked away from him. Carla shook her head, laughing at the thoughts that bounced off the inside walls of her mind. _God, I'm starting to sound like Ellie. This is just ridiculous_.

Carla sighed, raking a hand through her loose hair. She'd yanked it out of it's ponytail halfway home, too exhausted to have it so high up on her head. _What do I say?_ she thought frantically. _What could I possibly say to him?_

In the end, Carla didn't say anything. She acted on instinct by moving forward and kissing Sosuke full on the mouth without a second thought. It was a thought, a simple thought that she had been stupid enough to act upon, and Carla cursed herself inwardly in the moment. That was...until Sosuke kissed her back.

_Idiot, idiot. God, I'm such an idiot_.

* * *

There was something inertly off about Carla on race day morning. Ellie made the trip down to Samezuka's cafeteria on the morning of the race day alone _without_ Carla by her side, her hood pulled up and her hair braided in advance. She'd chosen to let Carla sleep for a little while longer after she'd come into their dorm room late the night before, presumably after having a discussion with Sosuke that she refused to elaborate on.

Ellie didn't press the issue, mainly because she was tired and wanted the wonderful cure for exhaustion known as sleep more than anything but the notion for curiosity was still there. Although Ellie couldn't exactly rummage up the brain power to find such curiosity of a morning, she still felt as if she should ask Carla about the events that lead to her stumble back into their dorm room with a giddy smile on her face and vague worry sparkling in her eyes.

Ellie shuffled into her solitary corner from the morning before and sat herself down, mumbling absent-mindedly over her scolding hot coffee and raisin toast. She'd chosen to forgo bringing her laptop to breakfast that morning, as her mind was in it's usual morning tatters and the only thing that she'd be capable of writing for her Year 12 prose entry would be the collective storyline of Winne the Pooh. In short, Ellie was exhausted and as far as second-hand cures for exhaustion were concerned, food, coffee and silence seemed to work just fine.

Ten minutes after she sat down in her lovely corner of solitude, Ellie's peace was rudely interrupted by none other than Rin, who sat down in the seat beside her with his iPod earphones in and a small stack of school books and time sheets tucked under his arm. Ellie prepared herself for the new onslaught of favours her boyfriend was bound to ask her, tugging down her hood with an obvious frown.

Rin grinned knowingly at her expression. "Not feeling the best, Khaleesi? Or is it just your morning grouchiness?"

"I'm going on overtime here, Shark Boy," Ellie said in a monotonous tone. "Usually, I don't even _speak_ to anyone until six. It's currently a quarter _to_ six, which means it's fifteen minutes too early for me. So ask me for my opinion fast, before I seriously begin to consider beating you to a bloody pulp with my chair."

"Temper, temper. Didn't my mother ever tell you to be polite?"

"She did but then again, she had the decency to remind me of that little factor _after_ I'd finished my second coffee. Now, _explain_."

Rin rolled his eyes at her hostile comment and on request, pushed some semi-insignificant papers toward her. From the looks of it, Ellie deducted that the scribblings on the white surface were times from the boys individual events the day before. "Sort through them later and tell me who needs work, okay? I just have so much schoolwork on my hands. I don't know if I'll have much time for it."

"And you think I'm any different?" Ellie muttered, pulling the pages toward her with mild interest. "I'm almost drowning in schoolwork at the moment. None of us seniors have _any_ free time at all."

"I know what you mean. I'm struggling to keep up. This English essay that I have to write-"

"Yes, I'll help you with that too."

"Jesus, I didn't even get to that. How did you know?"

"You always complain about something before you ask for the actual favour. Dead give away."

"Really?"

"_Really_. Might want to work on that if you're trying for subtlety."

Rin rolled his eyes and shifted his attention back to his breakfast and the small mountain of schoolwork placed beside him. Breakfast went by quicker than Ellie first anticipated, with the time ticking by faster than any other morning she'd ever remembered, but it was only at the last minute that Carla finally chose to show up.

With her hair twisted up into a horribly messy bun and her shoes still painfully unlaced, Carla rushed onto the bus with a cold piece of toast protruding from her mouth accompained by an expression that was reminiscent of the gaze of a dead fish. She was clearly tired, which could also easily be judged by the dark circles underneath her eyes, but worse than that, Ellie deducted that Carla seemed more distracted than usual. It was a subtle distancing, her eyes shifting from place to place without focusing on anything, but it was enough to worry Ellie about how her best friend would perform on the day.

Worrying and distracting thoughts, no matter how serious, were never good to have on your mind during race day. They damaged your focus and could throw your form off quicker than you realised how badly you were swimming. Ellie had already racked up a score of bad experiences in which she remembered being incredibly distracted. Thoughts, especially serious thoughts, were incredibly dangerous whilst racing. _You should never think whilst you swim_, Ellie thought. _You should just do_.

Both Rin and Ellie had managed to get the team onto the bus with a much more professional tone than the morning before, although a rather childish debate arouse from a joking comment made by Ellie. The argument's subject was primarily about who would win in a battle between Tate Langdon of '_American Horror Story_' and Jon Snow of '_Game of Thrones_'. The heated debate had continued throughout the tedious operation of shuffling the team onto the bus and even as Carla sat down on the seat beside Ellie with her unfamiliarly zombie-like eyes, Rin continued to yell arguments her way in defence of Jon Snow's imaginary dignity as a man of the Night's Watch.

"If you recall, Khaleesi, Jon has already taken out dead people before," Rin yelled at her with extreme assertiveness. "Count the White Walkers."

Ellie rolled her eyes as Carla chewed mindlessly on her food beside her, his arguments proving ineffective on her resolve. "Tate is a ghost. Jon can kill him all the times he wants but Tate will not die. He will just come back and beat Jon Snow's bastard ass into the ground. All whilst looking incredibly fabulous with his pretty blonde hair."

"You're a masochist."

"I know I am. I'm a masochist for _Tate Langdon_."

"_Guys!_" Carla snapped out of her daze for a split second, her voice slicing through the air like a hot knife through butter. "It's too early for debates over fictional characters. Now in my opinion, Tate would win, fair and square. Now can we please move on to more important matters like _not yelling on the bus_?!"

"I agree," Sosuke muttered from the other aisle. "It's too early for this kind of loudness."

"I, uh...yeah," Carla stuttered nervously, avoiding Sosuke's gaze as the bus jolted into motion. Something about her jittery nervous energy set Ellie on edge, watching her best friend with bundled up anxiety that she hadn't possessed before getting on the bus.

For Carla's sake, Ellie shook her head at Rin when he attempted to resume their prior argument and sat back in her seat before offering Carla her music as she always did. Carla declined, against their usual pre-carnival tradition, and pushed her own earphones into her ears before turning up the music ridiculously loud.

It wasn't hard to deduct from Carla's behaviour that something was on her mind but curled up underneath her layers of _Pierce the Veil_ songs and fake smiles, she was unreachable to Ellie. Unlike herself, Ellie could never help Carla when things were on her mind because she kept them bottled up, deep inside her soul where no one could touch them. She never liked to talk about how she was feeling, unless forced, and she never liked being the emotional one out of the two. Ellie was always the emotional one and Carla was the rational one. That was just how things were.

Things were relatively silent when they got to the pool and there was hardly any hushed conversation between Carla and Sosuke like usual, much to Ellie's surprise. In fact, Carla seemed to be _avoiding_ Sosuke above all things, sneaking her way around him during warm-up and keeping her eyes down whenever he was near. All of these actions were so incredibly unlike Carla that Ellie suddenly felt the need to understand why she was acting as she was.

Carla's first event that day was the hundred metre back, her pet event for many years, and Ellie took it upon herself to strap her weak shoulder just before the event. Although Carla had insisted that her shoulder was perfectly fine, Ellie suspected that the constant stress on her muscles caused her more pain than she let on and in turn, insisted that she listen to reason on the behalf of her parents already expensive medical bills.

This opened up a much needed opportunity for conversation between the pair and Ellie seized the chance with two hands as she delved into a hushed interrogation, far from both Rin and Sosuke's prying ears.

"So, Carlie-bear," Ellie said cheerfully, pausing abruptly to tear off a piece of tape with her teeth before swivelling back to the conversation. "Are you gonna tell me why you're even more quiet than I am of a morning or am I going to have to force it out of you?"

Carla, none-too surprised at her best friend's observation of her mood, sighed and shook her head as she stared down at the ground with distant interest. "It's nothing really. It's really _stupid_ actually but it's nothing serious."

Ellie frowned at the cryptic response. "I think you should tell me what 'nothing' is because I'm suspicious that 'nothing' is actually 'something'."

"Yeah, well it's 'something' that has no relevance to anything. You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Carla. You slept in this morning. You failed to put your hair up properly like you normally do. You listened to your own angry, punk rock music and you brought your Arena swimmers rather than your Funkitas."

"That proves nothing, Tornado."

"Uh, no. It actually proves a _lot_." Ellie reached down and grabbed Carla's biceps, jolting her back to reality in one quick touch. Carla turned her head in Ellie's direction, frowning childishly, and glared at the other girl with obvious disdain. "What's on your mind, Carla? You can't have some kind of worry on your mind on race day, you know that. It's too dangerous a thing to have."

"So's a fully loaded gun stashed away in my swim bag," Carla muttered harshly. "But I don't see what that has to do with me either."

Ellie groaned, switching to drastic measures in hopes of annoying her friend into speaking. "Carla, if you don't tell me what is wrong within the next thirty seconds, I will go to your swim bag, open it up and dump it's contents into the pool. Do you understand me?"

Carla shook her head and smiled, chuckling softly at Ellie's threat. "Alright. Alright...I give in. Just...don't laugh at me, okay? Remember that this is something seriously weird for me, so...yeah."

Ellie shrugged and sat back in her seat, picking up the strapping tape yet again and continued to fix up her shoulder as she spoke. "I'm all ears."

"Well, here goes," Carla sighed. "So...last night, just after you chose to go _galavanting_ off with Rin-"

"We do not galavant."

"Yeah, right. Whatever. So anyway, last night...Sosuke and I waited outside the pool for you guys. You know, until the both of you decided who to put in the relay? Anyway, he asked me this..._weird_ question and I had almost no way of answering it. So, I joked around it and avoided it for a bit but he caught on and asked for a serious answer. And I..._reacted_."

Ellie raised an eyebrow, pausing momentarily to leave the piece of tape in her hands hovering over a section of Carla's shoulder. "Um, a little more elaboration please. What was the question? _And_ what do you mean 'reacted'?"

"Well, um-"

"Carla."

"Sorry, sorry. I'm just trying to find a way to explain it."

"How about you start with the question and then move on from there?"

Carla sighed, putting her head in her hands briefly before continuing on with her explanation. "He...He asked me what my opinion of him was. Naturally, I avoided the question because I have no fucking idea how to answer that kind of shit. But he caught on, like I said, asked the question again and I...I kissed him."

"Good God, Carla."

"I thought there was a no judgement rule here, Ell."

"Oh, there is but damn. You _kissed_ him?"

Carla groaned. "Yes. I kissed him. Can we please move on?"

"Uh, no."

Carla sighed, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I don't know what else to tell you, Ellie."

"How 'bout you tell why you're so quiet all of a sudden? You wanted to date him, didn't you? That was why you were so interested with him in the first place."

"Yeah, I guess but that was before I got to know him properly. It's more than just the desire for something physical now. This relationship between us, it...it has emotional attachments to it. And I don't know. I guess that's just...weird for me."

"Why? Because the only remotely adult relationship you had was with Matt a couple of years ago and that was basically just all screwing and no talking?"

"You knew about that?!"

"Of course I knew. I'm your best friend, Carla. I know you better than anyone. That and Aisha told me after she walked in on you guys."

"Oh my God."

"Yes. I _know_."

"Did you always know about that? Even when-"

"Yes. Now get back to Sosuke before you effective change the subject."

Carla groaned, yet again, and Ellie began to wonder if Carla was even telling her the _whole_ truth, not just bits and pieces of it here and there. Suspicion aside, Ellie continued the minor interrogation and tried hard not to chastise her best friend for being a generally stupid teenage girl. _Oh, how I love being hypocritical_. "So...have you actually told him how you feel?"

"No," Carla grumbled. "I've done fuck all. And he's too good for me and everyone knows it."

"Don't steal lines from '_Love Actually_' please. You can do better than that."

"It's true though. I...I don't know how I feel about this. Going into a relationship right now seems a bit tricky. I know that if I do enter into it, it probably won't last because I'll eventually leave for home and then New York and then-"

"Carla, you're thinking about it too much. Don't think about the future, just...I don't know. Go with your instincts. They're never wrong."

"Yeah but there's always a first for everything."

Ellie rolled her eyes and applied the last piece of strapping tape to Carla's shoulder. The two of them agreed to speak on the matter more privately back home, after prefecturals were finished and school holidays were well and truly in effect for them. There was still a flutter of apprehension bright and clear in Carla's eyes but Ellie chose to ignore it as her events slowly came around.

There was no reason to worry about anything that day. Conversations between teammates were more than often pleasant and stress of any kind was counteracted by joking comments from the people around her. Ellie was more relaxed than she'd ever felt at a carnival before. She was in the most casual sort of mood and it affected her races in almost no way at all, with her sprint races going by in mere seconds and her times nearing perfection. Even Carla was doing well, with a one-second personal best on her hundred backstroke and a free pass to the finals on all the rest of her events.

The day was going well, for all intents and purposes, but a worrying factor arose during the relay, with Carla and Ellie watching from above. The decision to put Momotarou onto the relay team had been one made by Rin, against Ellie's more on-the-fence approach to comparing the variables.

Ellie had advised Rin that if he was willing to take a risk on Momotarou, then the decision was up to him. But Ellie felt that Uozumi was the safer choice in terms of reliability. Although Momotarou came out on top after his shock performance on the first day, Ellie deducted that he was a sure risk to put on the relay team. Uozumi, although off on the day of competition, produced likeable results on every other occasion and had a more consistent personal best record than that of Momotarou. Other than that, the man had a point to prove and would most likely swim all out during the relay to make up for his poor performance the day before.

In the end, Rin had gone against her advice and put Momo onto the team. As Ellie watched the beginnings of the relay race alongside Carla, she began to think twice on her previous predicaments against choosing Momo for the race.

"Well, he got a good start," Carla observed, her eyes following the swimmers watchfully and carefully. "The guy from Iwatobi didn't exactly do well. His timing was really off."

"Yeah, I saw that. But you're the backstroke girl. You'd know better than me."

"It's not as if bad reaction times are hard to spot, Ell."

"I know but the idea was there."

Carla rolled her eyes and continued to watch the race. Ellie did the same, although her analysis of the race was far more casual than Carla's, and kept her words inside her mouth to give her best friend the opportunity to think on whatever else was on her mind. Ellie didn't see much point to Carla's apprehensive attitude toward her pending relationship with Sosuke but that didn't mean she was going to continue talking about it.

The breastroke leg of the race dragged on, although Ellie wasn't exactly a proper judge of the event due to her constant belief that watching people swim breastroke was almost _exactly_ like watching paint dry. Samezuka stayed ahead, although Iwatobi was slowly beginning to catch up.

The transition into butterfly was smooth and Sosuke increased the school's lead by an estimate of about half a body length. Ellie observed that he was indeed _good_ at his specialised stroke but his movements were far more jarring and stiff than that of Ellie's, which made his style inherently less elegant.

In the end, the race was won by Samezuka's team, as expected, but it took some extreme effort on Rin's part during the final freestyle leg after Sosuke lost some serious momentum during his leg of the relay. He came into the wall a second later than expected and surprised even Ellie at his lack of stamina. Carla was in slight shock, muttering questions to herself as the race concluded.

The event of Sosuke's sudden loss of speed during the race didn't exactly worry Ellie so much, considering that her main priority after the carnival was mainly revolved around getting home and burying herself underneath the covers of her bed alongside Netflix and ice cream until she fell asleep.

But Carla, being the good-hearted girl that she was, had to find out _why_.

* * *

"You couldn't just accept that he had a bad day, could you?"

Carla rolled her eyes as she shut the door behind her, dumping her swim bag by her desk before slumping back against her metal bed frame. Her eyes wandered lazily and thoughtfully about the room and Ellie got the distinct feeling that she would soon be a part of some serious conversation between herself and her best friend, most likely to do with the events of the day. Ellie inwardly groaned. _I hate social conventions_.

Ellie's entire evening had priorly consisted of watching Disney Princess movies on her laptop, alongside Rin's running texting commentary on how incredibly boring Literature happens to be as a subject. It wasn't as if she didn't have time for Carla and her problems but it was just that she was more mentally drained than usual. Ellie supposed that made her selfish but it wasn't the first time she had acted as such.

Ellie hadn't bothered to ask Carla where she was going as she dragged Sosuke off the bus once they reached Samezuka, most likely hoping to talk about the events of the relay race. She hadn't exactly cared either, considering her exhausted mind was firmly fixed on watching movies that involved happy endings and procrastinating about homework for the remainder of the evening. But Ellie forced herself to care in that moment, now that her best friend was standing in front of her with a heartfelt confession playing on her lips.

Sighing heavily, Carla sat down at her desk before opening her mouth to speak, thoughtfulness clouding her bright eyes. "Can you promise me something, Ell?"

"Sure," Ellie said, closing her laptop as she turned to face her best friend. "What's this about?"

"It's about Sosuke," Carla replied. "Although, I'm guessing you already knew that. Can I just ask that...everything we talk about here tonight remain between us? Strictly _secret_, between friends kind of stuff?"

Ellie nodded, wondering what was so serious that it had even Carla stuck in a clandestine state. Putting the pieces together in her head, she responded. "I'm assuming you mean that I keep this a secret from Rin?"

"I, uh...uh-yes. I kind of _need_ you to keep this a secret from him. He doesn't deserve to know about _this_ second-hand...besides, this really isn't even my secret to tell."

"And from the way you're stalling, it's a major secret too. What's with the big dramatic promise scene? Have I fallen into a modern day _Game of Thrones_ episode?"

"Oh, shut up," Carla laughed, softly kicking Ellie in the shins in light-hearted embarrassment. "Can you just take this seriously though? Because it's kind of weird to talk about for me and I just...need your advice on the subject."

"Okay...what do you wanna ask me about?"

Carla bit her lip, staring off into open space before deciding to share her thoughts. "You know how Sosuke slowed down toward the end of the relay today? It was only for a brief second and it-"

"Yeah, yeah, I saw it. No need to beat around the bush there, Carla."

"Right. Um, well...as it turns out...last year, he sustained a rotator cuff tear whilst weight training in his school's gym. It was just after he'd been scouted for his university and he was taken into emergency surgery almost immediately after he did the injury."

"Rotator cuff tear?" Ellie gasped, her eyes widening in shock. "Exactly how long ago did he sustains the tear?"

Carla shrugged nervously, letting her eyes rest on the wall behind Ellie as she spoke. "About six to seven months ago, apparently. He said that the doctors told him it was a four centimetre tear. He had his arm in a sling for about month."

"Jesus, he shouldn't even be swimming with an injury like that. Has he done any rehabilitation for it?"

"Only about thirteen weeks of it, and that was _after_ he got the cling off. After that, he just jumped right back into swimming, against the advice of his physio _and_ his doctors. It wasn't until today that it started acting up again. He thought he was in the clear-"

"Excuse me?!" Ellie very nearly felt like bursting out onto the balcony and screaming to the heavens due to general frustration on the stupidity of human beings. "An injury like a rotator cuff tear usually doesn't fully heal until you've had _at least_ four months of rehabilitation. He was nowhere near in the clear. I'm surprised he hasn't torn it again at this point."

"Let me guess, that's what your mum's told you before?"

Ellie rolled her eyes at her friend's sarcastic comment and continued on with the issue at present. "My mother is a physiotherapist for a reason, Carla. Remember that year my butterfly got really sloppy and my shoulders just seemed ached all the time?"

"Yeah, it turned out to be compression of the spine, right?"

"Yes but my mother originally thought it was an injury to do with one of my rotator cuffs. I didn't really understand why she was so pedantic about it at first - you remember how obsessive she was, right? - but after I got treatment, she told me why she was so worried about my injury. Rotator cuff injuries cause your shoulder to be permanently weak. Sosuke's probably at a higher risk of ruining his shoulder for good than _you_ are of tearing that ligament in your knee again performing breastroke. He's probably doing it more harm than he realises."

"God...do you think he'll even be able to swim at regionals?"

"I'm surprised he can even swim butterfly at all, let alone swim it competitively. He's probably in a hell of a lot of pain when he does though. Butterfly is the worst stroke when it comes to shoulder injuries."

Carla sat back in her chair, shaking her head in shock and awe before turning her eyes back to Ellie, worry clear in their sky blue colour. "I didn't think-I mean...The way he told me didn't make it sound that bad."

"Of course he wouldn't, Carla," Ellie replied. "All swimmers do the same thing. We play down our injuries when we should be taking them more seriously. It's hard to admit when you're hurt and when you need to slow down. Obviously, Sosuke hasn't done that yet."

"What am I gonna tell him? I said I'd get some advice on how to treat the inflammation of his shoulder from _you_ but-"

"Well, first of all, it shouldn't really be _your_ job to tell him what to do. Being his girlfriend or otherwise." At that, Carla blushed a deep red that matched the colour of Ellie's Ancient History folder. "Secondly, even I did give you advice on how to treat it, most of those treatments would involve rest and time. Currently, there is only a three week time gap between now and regionals. He's either going to have to tough it out through the race and possibly ruin his shoulder, as well as risk Samezuka's chances of making nationals for the relay. Or he can pull out and get treatment now, which will hopefully save his shoulder from further damage."

Carla scoffed, running a hand through her hair impatiently. "Please, he had a hard enough time admitting that he had the injury to me. That's why it took me so long to get back. I mean, it's not as if he's going to give up now, he's too stubborn."

"He'd have to be, with a best friend like Rin."

"Yeah, I guess. Are you going to tell Rin about this?"

Ellie raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Okay, first you get me to swear a vow of silence and then you ask me whether or not I'm going to tell my boyfriend about his best friend's injury? You can be incredibly indecisive sometimes, Carla.

"Ellie, you know what I mean," Carla exclaimed. "You're the vice captain of the team. You have the reputation of team to think about as well."

"Yeah but I'm not Rin. I take individual performances seriously, not relays."

"Okay but just...please don't, okay? I mean, it really isn't my secret to tell and so the same rules should apply for you-"

"I get it, I get it. No mentioning this to Rin. Full stop, end of conversation. Now, onto another note...did you talk to Sosuke about how you feel about him?"

Carla, yet again, managed to conjure up a blush that dominated her entire face before she built up enough courage to respond. Ellie hardly ever got to see her friend truly embarrassed. Carla had notouriously tough skin and not much phased her in terms of humiliation _or_ threats. To see her blushing at the thought of a boy made Ellie smile as a sick sense of triumph surged through her veins. _Finally, she shows she has the ability to actually feel humiliation like a human being. She can be worse than me sometimes_.

After recovering from her little internal freak-out, Carla smirked and replied to Ellie's question. "It was more of a brief sort of talk about that," she said. "We kind of got a bit..._distracted_ after that."

"Oh my God," Ellie groaned. "You didn't seriously make out after he told you he had a career threatening injury, did you?"

Carla expression was answer enough. "Sorry. Got carried away."

With a slightly disturbed smile on her face, Ellie laughed at Carla's confession, to which Carla laughed along with her. It was nervous laughter, which quickly transitioned into causal giggles before conversation resumed once more.

"Oh Jesus," Ellie said, che king her phone as the clock ticked over to twelve. "Well, as long as you both don't start ripping each other's clothes off in front of me, I'm all good."

Carla laughed. "I can make sure of that, Ellie. You going to bed?"

"Yeah, I probably should. I have to start helping Rin with the time sorting tomorrow. I'll most likely end up writing his training program again. I swear that's the only reason I'm his girlfriend. He asks me to rewrite them constantly."

"Mm...hey, just for the last time...promise me that you won't say anything to Rin?"

Ellie froze in the midst of pulling off her hoodie, her fingers locked on the hem of the heavy material. She supposed that the right thing to do would be to go along with Carla and keep the knowledge of Sosuke's injury a secret like they originally planned. But something felt inherently wrong about hiding a fact like that from Rin, as if it were a crime for Ellie to keep secrets from her boyfriend. There were too many variables, too many things that could go both wrong _and_ right by agreeing the Carla's promise.

In the end though, Ellie chose allegiance to her best friend over the nagging thoughts in the back of her mind. "Sure," she said. "I won't say anything."

Her reasoning for her decision was simple. Even though she very much would have liked to have told Rin about the secret that his best friend was keeping from him, Ellie knew that, just as Carla had said, it wasn't her secret to tell.

And so, Ellie chose to keep her mouth shut. For the sake of common decency.

* * *

**A.N: Did not intend for this chapter to get so long. No, I most certainly did not.**

**In terms of Sosuke's injury, I thought that a rotator cuff tear was the closest to what I think he actually has done to his shoulder. They're quite a painful injury and hard to accurately fix. A lot of rest and physio is necessary for recovery. One of my swimming friends actually had to quit swimming altogether after he sustained the same kind of injury. So yes, quite a nasty injury but it fit characteristically and even if they go into detail about his injury next episode, I probably won't change it if I'm wrong. Too complicated to do so.**

**Secondly, Episode 9 is just *violent sobbing*. Haru, my baby! And goddamn it, Sosuke, don't swim on your injury. DID YOUR DOCTORS TELL YOU NOTHING?!**

**Anyway, thank you to _SheepRainbow_ and _My Father's Daughter_ for reviewing. Thank you to everyone else who favourited and followed as well. Your reviews on this chapter would be appreciated, especially since I experimented with Carla's character a bit more in this chapter and I'd like to know your point of view. **

**Other then that, I should probably stop procrastinating and start studying for my Science exam soon. Until next time (in which, I will be in tears because Sosuke :'( )...:)**


	12. Chapter XI

**Chapter XI:**

**Breaking the Ice**

* * *

"How hard is it to find vacant housing facilities in New York? I mean, _seriously_?! You'd think they'd actually care enough to at least give some options to young adults moving to the city."

Ellie rolled her eyes, panting heavily as she spoke. "Oh, yeah. They're definitely concerned about that. Especially when a certain _Australian_ young adult is threatening to burn down half the city until she gets a place to live, sure."

Sweat cautiously slid down Ellie's back as she continued to run at a jogging pace on the treadmill, her urge to snatch and consume the water inside the half empty water bottle she had brought with her to Sakura's gym becoming soul-destroying as she vowed to stop running in the next ten kilometres. A trip to the gym was sorely needed after the girls spent their fourth straight day indoors, the illustrious lure of TV shows and movies becoming too great over their two week break.

Carla, being the obsessed-with-body-image teenager, had suggested that they take up the opportunity to use Sakura's ridiculously well equipped gym. It had been a while since Ellie had seen it's sterilised insides; white walls lined with spin bikes, treadmills, rowing machines and cross-trainers alongside various weight lifting equipment that filled the remaining space in the room. The floors were made of hard oak wood panels that extended from one wall to the next and the left side wall was comprised of an entirely glass panel that looked out onto the school's various sporting facilities in use at twelve o'clock on Saturday afternoon.

Ellie had been adamant at first, simply stating that training at Samezuka would be enough for their daily exercise intake. There was some doubt in her mind however, considering that she had been missing out on a few of her morning runs due to study days and a few out-of-the-blue all-nighters that lead her to sleep in disastrously late but Ellie remained strong and firm on her point, right until the bitter end. Carla only won the argument by exploiting of Ellie's small but fatal weakness. It was a weakness for heavy, expensive fitness-award-winning treadmills.

Although she was a swimmer and preferred water over land in terms of chosen sports, Ellie found that when someone put her on a treadmill, she could just run until she died. She had no idea why she loved long distance running so much but it was something that luckily worked in her favour during the cold winter netball season. Beep tests were most of her teammates worst nightmares, with the drill killing all desire to even attend training, but to Ellie, they were just fun little drills that unfortunately weren't challenging enough.

Carla groaned as she scrolled through the open tab on her iPad which she perched on the treadmill's book stand, her plan of finding suitable accommodation in New York whilst jogging obviously not working out. "I can't fucking believe," she said, panting through her frustration. "It's one of the biggest fucking cities in the world and I can't fucking find one fucking apartment. Jesus _fucking_ Christ!"

"Repeat that again," Ellie replied with a smile on her face. "I want to count the amount of times you said 'fuck' in that sentence. I think it may be a record for you."

"Oh, shut up, Tornado. You're not currently experiencing the kind of frustration that I am."

"Uh, yeah. And that's a _good_ thing. Because I don't even want to _think_ about university until I finish the HSC, thank you. One stressful thing at a time please."

"Says the girl who stayed up until three in the morning on Tuesday, writing training programs for the swim team. I thought you were already done with those, by the way."

Ellie rolled her eyes, the sight of her cracked black nail polish slowing driving her to insanity as she continued to run beside Carla. "Well, obviously I haven't. Rin and I going to finalise it next weekend. We both just have too much school stuff going on and Rin's got some decisions to make, with all the calls from scouts and whatnot. I mean my holidays didn't even really start until Thursday, when my teachers managed to actually _get_ all my assignments."

"Yeah well, that's what you get for being an over achiever. So, are we going to watch some movies tonight or are we re-watching Pretty Little Liars. _Yet_ again?"

"I don't know," Ellie sighed. "I'm kind of in the mood for some happy, romanticness tonight. Minimal drama."

Carla shot Ellie a knowing look, smiling through the sweat and lactic acid built up inside their muscles. "_Pride and Prejudice_?"

"_Pride and Prejudice_."

Carla chuckled and turned her gaze back to her iPad as the decision was made. "I know you too well, don't I?"

"Oh, I don't know," Ellie said. "You still don't know my favourite type of ice cream."

"It's the Cookies 'n' Cream ice cream from the ice cream parlour back home."

"What?! How did you know that?"

"Ellie, you buy it _every single time_ we go there. Not that to dot the 'i's and cross the 't's in that category."

Ellie looked at Carla with an expression of mock horror. "Oh my God," she gasped dramatically. "My life has been a spider web of lies."

Laughter soon erupted between them, the sore ribs feeling brought on by their hysteria near winding Ellie as she closed in on the last few kilometres of her run. It wasn't until their laughter finally died down into small giggling fits that they noticed a certain someone was vying for their attention.

"_Miyu_!" Carla exclaimed, greeting their dorm neighbour with her usual bright smile. "We didn't see you standing there, my ridiculously cheery friend!"

Miyu, the overly-enthusiastic captain of Sakura's various basketball teams, rolled her eyes at Carla's openly mocking statement. Ellie was ever so slightly surprised that Carla could even manage to speak Japanese during the holidays. It took Ellie what felt a full minute to even process what she had said and translate it into understandable words. _And yet, I remain first in the class, _Ellie thought_. It's freaking pot luck, I know it is_.

"That's funny," Miyu said in her native language, adding on a characteristically strange sarcastic tone. "I don't see _you_ managing four first-year teams, _five_ second-year teams and a third year team into nationals this year. Unfortunately, it's an occupational requirement to be cheery."

"As well as having an extreme sense of brutality in training," Ellie added on. "What's with the cold greeting? I thought we were all friends here."

"Oh, we are," Miyu replied. "But it's not you guys that I'm annoyed with. Half of my team dropped out last week due to '_prior commitments_'. Traitors..."

"Let me guess, '_prior commitments_' means-"

"They couldn't handle the pressure of school." Miyu scoffed at the thought, crossing her arms over her chest. "So annoying...you'd think that if you two could still manage to keep up with school whilst being in a foreign country _and_ being on a swim team, then they can handle a little training and school mixed in. Idiots..."

Miyu had first introduced herself to the girls during their first week in the dorms. Her shoulder length ash-black hair had been pulled back into a disheveled ponytail and her basketball shirt had been covered in a mixture of water and sweat, the exhausted but strong body of a basketballer exhibited for all to see. Miyu looked hardly phased by her post-training look, smiling and laughing as Ellie and Carla introduced themselves underneath the archway of their door frame. Miyu had a strangely sarcastic and joking attitude for a girl of her standing, having priorly lived in a smaller country town near Sapporo, before being abruptly shipped off to Sakura for high school.

Ellie remembered liking Miyu from the very beginning. The two shared a strangely large amount of interests and Ellie admired Miyu's confidence, her will to succeed. It was as if Miyu was the kind of person that Ellie wished she could have been; strong, dedicated and cheerful. It was the kind of daughter that her parents deserved and it was the kind of person Ellie should aspire to be as an elite swimmer. But Ellie, unfortunately, just _wasn't_ that kind of person. And so, she settled for simply being friends with Miyu.

It didn't take long for Miyu to recommend trying out for the basketball team to the pair, the sheer average height of both girls appealing aesthetically to the prospective captain. Although both Carla and Ellie _had_ played on their school's team back home and managed to make nationals, they were both rather average at basketball as a sport. Netball was their main onland sport, which they both played for fun _and_ to keep the muscles in their legs active. But basketball was always for fun, nothing else. Very rarely did they ever take it seriously.

Carla and Ellie exchanged suspicious looks as they caught wind of what Miyu was probably hoping to get out the conversation. _She wouldn't_, Ellie thought. _We've already got enough shit going on as it is_. Carla was the first to point it out, raising an eyebrow as she looked down at Miyu.

"Miyu, what exactly did you want to achieve by talking to us about this?" Carla said cautiously with a distinctive cheeky smile on her face. "Are you trying to recruit us?"

Miyu smiled, her eyes sparkling with the idea. "Maybe I was..."

"Miyu..."

"Come on, you guys. I won't let any games interfere with swimming and training is always on weekends when we have the time. It's always fun, I promise you." Miyu almost sounded as if she was begging for them to join the team, which, in reality, probably was what she _was_ doing. "Besides, I did actually bother to look into you guys. Both of you are big fat liars, by the way. You said neither of you were very good at basketball and yet both of you are National CCC qualifiers."

Carla groaned in frustration, something Ellie also would have done had she not been completely dying from lack of oxygen. "That was at school. Not in actual competitive basketball."

"Come on, please. I'm dying here. Regionals are in a week and I've only gained two of the players I lost. I need people with at least _some_ skills and a higher average height than that of mine. Please, please, please just at least..._consider_ it."

Carla and Ellie exchanged looks, both thinking things of in relatively the same manner. Despite the fact that swimming was Ellie's main commitment slash burden and Carla had her auditions for a scholarship at her dance school coming up in a month, the both of them liked and _loathed_ the idea of participating in a team sport. It could be an easy stress reliever if taken in a casual manner but Sakura was serious about their basketball. Ellie didn't know whether or not she wanted to get involved. Even if she did do well in team sports.

Ellie's father had always joked about how she was probably more of a team player than she realised, with her average individual times at carnivals often being blitzed by the times she would produce in a relay. During primary school, when the boys would play Aussie Rules football on the oval during lunch, when Ellie played the game with them, she would often go all out. Tackling boys much bigger than her, snatching the ball out of their hands, even threatening to start a brawl. Ellie was scary competitive _and_ determined in team sports.

Both Carla and Ellie had started a netball team for Saturday games with the intent of using up that determination that always seemed to come on whilst playing with others. As satisfying as winning with the team was for Ellie, when it came to basketball during the summer season, Ellie often got a little _too_ into it.

In netball, there were strict rules about coming into contact with others and at what distance defenders were allowed to stand which kept Ellie grounded and focused. But when it came to basketball, with minimal rules about distancing and general shoving, Ellie found that she was both causing _and_ receiving bruises from her never-ending supply of violent determination.

Ellie slammed on the stop button on the her treadmill and came to a grinding halt as she panted out her exhaustion. On the behalf of both of them, Ellie replied. "Fine," she said with a sigh. "We'll join. But the moment any carnivals clash with swimming, we'll look the other way. Swimming comes first, then study, then other sports, understand?"

The wave of hysteria that was created by Miyu was understandable but both Carla and Ellie went along with it, laughing and rambling along with her as they both considered how exactly they were going to fit _basketball_ into their already packed schedule.

* * *

Arguments, as it seemed, went on for hours when it came to Rin and Ellie.

"We have to do the beep test for them," Ellie remarked. "I literally have no other way of finding out who's fit and who's not if we don't."

Rin winced at her suggestion, his expression _already_ opposing Ellie's decision to conduct a dry land training session for the sake of improving the team's overall fitness. He'd been strongly opposed to the idea for over an hour straight, in which their argument had reached high screaming levels and caused both Carla and Sosuke to hastily leave the dorm unexpectedly due to the rising level of noise. Ellie barely managed to convince him that the dry land training sessions should be done for the good of the team but his opposition to the beep test was only just beginning and Ellie was already finding it hard to deal with Rin's constant declines to all her ideas.

They'd been sitting on Rin's bed for at least three hours that afternoon, going over the times from prefecturals and deciding who needed more work than others in the team. Ellie, according to Rin, would be coaching the butterflyers and backstrokers until regionals to help them get their form in the best possible shape by race day. Rin would be coaching the freestylers, whilst Carla would be coaching the breastrokers due to the large amount of unused knowledge she possessed from her days specialising in breastroke.

The plan to improve the team's form seemed effective enough to Ellie but she saw the need for an improvement in overall fitness in the team, something that Rin was strongly opposed to for some insignificant reason which was unknown to Ellie. "We need to be more focused on form," Rin argued. "We don't have the time for fitness training anymore. Besides, form is what always wins a race."

"Not the point, Rin," Ellie replied after ignoring the sudden urge to gouge her boyfriend's eyes out with her pen. "If they don't have an adequate amount of fitness, they won't be able to sustain their form in their races. So as much as form training is good, we need to at least have one or two dry land sessions within the next two and a half weeks. It'll do us good and you know it will. But I'll won't know where to start if we don't do the beep test."

"You're perfectly capable of writing up programs, Ellie. Times and common knowledge are enough facts you need to devise programs. I've seen you do it before, don't think you can lie to me."

"I won't know whether or not they can handle the program I'm writing, though."

"Why should that matter?"

"It always matters. If they'll just be swimming without really getting anything out of it, there's no point in them following that program in the first place because they're wasting their time."

"Training is never a waste of time, no matter how hard the session is."

"You seriously know nothing of the general rules of sports, do you?"

"_Ellie_-"

"_Rin_."

Frustrated, Rin groaned and threw his notes down onto the hardwood floors before running a hand through his tangled hair. For the most part, he looked displeased and generally unsatisfied with the turn that their conversation had taken but as he stared off into open space, a dangerous spark lit up inside his red eyes and a sly grin stretched across his lips. Ellie raised an eyebrow, biting her lip in worry. She knew that look, although she'd only ever seen a few times. Whatever Rin was thinking about, it was most likely a very bad idea. A very, _very_ bad idea.

"Rin," Ellie said with a warning tone in her voice. "Rin, what are you thinking?"

Rin's smile widened even further. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Leaning toward her, Rin caught Ellie by the ankles and yanked her toward him, forcing a surprised gasp out of her mouth with the abrupt movement. The physical contact made Ellie's heart pound and she slowly began to slip into a anxious panic but as Rin leaned forward and loomed over her with a wicked smile on his face, she suddenly felt as if her heart had stopped inside her chest. _Oh God_, she thought. _He had a very, very bad idea_.

"Does this scare you, Ellie?" he said seductively, forcing a frown to surface on Ellie's already blushing face. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Rin, if you don't get off me right now, I swear to both the Old Gods and the New that I will kick you down where the sun don't shine," Ellie warned, breathing hard under the burning heat rising in her cheeks. When he remained unmoved on top of her, Ellie decided to give him a second warning. "Rin-"

"Let go of the beep test," he said. "And I'll get off you. Simple as that, Churchill."

"You're such an asshole," Ellie muttered. "Don't use that as blackmail. It's so mean."

"So is the fact that you're going to make myself and the rest of the team do the beep test."

Ellie rolled her eyes, gaining some confidence as the conversation picked up a more casual tone. "You're the one pushing the boundaries between us. At this rate, you're going to be running suicides for the week. Get off me, please."

"No," Rin said, wearing the expression and tone of a defiant child. "I'm sorry but no. This is just unacceptable."

"So was the invention of Vanilla Coca Cola," Ellie remarked. "But people still went along with that."

Unfortunately, Ellie's comments failed to hinder Rin's attempts at making her uncomfortable enough to give in to his wish. And so, as Rin remained unmoved and continued to smirk down at her with a smile reminiscent of Lucifer's grin as he fell from heaven, Ellie decided to take matters into her own hands. Reaching up quickly, Ellie grabbed Rin by the shoulders before rolling the both of them off the bed and onto the floor in a tremendous tangle of limbs.

Rin protested at first, moving his hands from their position on either side of her head to try and pry her grip on his shirt loose but that happened to be his ultimate undoing. As he leaned back on his knees, Ellie managed to hook a leg around the back of his knee. Rin promptly began to wobble and gave Ellie the opportunity to shove him hard in the chest, hard enough to send him tumbling off the bottom bunk. But unfortunately, Ellie's plan didn't go by as smoothly as she had wanted. She failed to untangle herself from Rin's limbs in time and as Rin grabbed ahold of her waist and tugged her body in the direction of his falling momentum, Ellie had no choice but tumble down to the ground with him.

There was a soft collective thud that sounded in the room as the two of them collapsed onto the ground in a clatter of limbs, groaning and giggling with bottled up amusement as they assessed their battle wounds. Ellie laughed giddily, her head resting against Rin's chest with one arm around his torso and her legs stuck mixed in a complicated tangle with Rin's. For some reason, the physical closeness didn't seem to bother her anymore. Ellie wondered curiously why she had had such a sudden change of heart but since there was no definitive answer to be found inside her own head, she let it go and enjoyed the anxiety-free moment.

"Okay," Rin said in orderly fashion, attempting to sound somewhat like a zookeeper approaching a wild animal. "Do not make _any_ _sudden_ _movements_. I most certain don't want to break any major bones or snap off limbs. We have regionals in two and a half weeks. My future is a stake here."

"_Your_ future?" Ellie scoffed at his comment, twisting her body far enough around to allow her to practically sit in his lap. That was, _without_ breaking her own legs in the process. "What about my future, you inconsiderate ass?"

"Oh, your future is firmly set in stone," Rin replied, barely managing to untangle his arms from her waist and torso. "You'll go to Milan, become a model and leave me behind a poor heart-broken man because you'd have found some taller, better-looking guy to date."

"Well, that's a fantasy if I've ever heard one," Ellie remarked. "You know, these muscular shoulders are far too broad to fit into a size two gown. Although, I'd love to see someone try and get me into one."

"Are you saying your fat?" Rin said. "Because I can assure, you'd be kidding yourself if you ever said you were."

Ellie rolled her eyes, hardly encouraging his little idea. "It's not as if that would matter, anyway. I'm far too bland to be a model."

Rin smirked with his familiar shark-tooth smile, sitting up and leaning back on the heels of his palms. "I don't know about that. I think your face is gorgeous enough to qualify."

Ellie blushed, feeling that familiar anxiety rise up inside of her belly before it finally settled inside her chest cavity. Ellie hated when Rin gave her compliments. Even if they were sweet, insignificant mandatory compliments, Ellie couldn't handle what they meant or what they were supposed make her feel like. No matter how used to them she managed to let herself be, Ellie still couldn't handle the feeling of foreboding she got from them. She had no response to them and in turn, she panicked, sensing everything wrong with both herself and her surroundings.

Ellie was suddenly ever so aware of the fact that she hadn't worn make-up _or_ jewellery that day. She was ridiculously aware of the fact that she always wore hoodies and sports shorts instead of flowery dresses and great flowing skirts. But most of all, Ellie became brutally aware of how physically close Rin was to her in that moment.

"Rin..." Ellie whispered, the alarm bells sounding loudly inside her head as she fought off an instinctive panic. "I thought we talked about-"

"Yes, we did talk about it," he replied. "Yes, I _am_ quite aware that we discussed your strange disposition toward compliments. But I am also aware of the fact that you are beautiful."

Ellie's blush intensified at Rin's words, the sudden urge to run away and hide overcoming her in a rushed wave of nauseous anxiety. "Rin-"

"No, Ellie, stop," Rin said firmly, grabbing her by the arms to hold her down and stop her from running away like the frightened child. "Look, I like you. I like you immensely much. I hate the fact that I hurt you with my words sometimes, even though I mean well, and I hate that I can't do anything for you in terms of your anxiety. But I'm tired of this. I'm tired not being able to tell you the things I desperately want to tell you because you're scared of what those compliments and statements mean. I'm tired of tiptoeing around you when all I want to do is hold you and tell you everything will be alright. I'm tired of being locked out of your mind when all I want to do is kiss the problems away."

Rin's words cut deeper into Ellie's soul than she ever thought they would. Rin didn't have to remind her of what horrible things her personality made her do on a daily basis. It didn't matter how much she wanted reach out and touch him without being afraid of what it would lead to, how much she wanted to kiss him without thinking horrible anxious thoughts about it, how much she just wanted to _be_ with him. Ellie was an eternal slave to her own anxiety. And there was almost no cure. Just time and experience would heal her, for it's all she knew.

Fighting against the new wave of salty tears that threatened to flow down her cheeks, Ellie took in slow shaky breaths, slowly becoming more and more frustrated with herself. She wanted to be the person that Rin deserved, the openly loving girl with so much to give. But she simply wasn't that kind of person and it frustrated Ellie more than anyone could have ever imagined.

Biting back tears, Ellie sighed with a shivering breath and leaned her forehead against Rin's, wanting nothing more than to reverse the last few minutes and redo everything to save herself from this discussion. Rin wrapped his arms around her torso and pulled her closer, against Ellie's weak attempts at struggling, whispering comforting words to her silently as she fought with her own mental demons.

"Ellie," Rin whispered softly. "Ellie, don't just sit there looking like you're going to cry. Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind."

Ellie shook her head, smiling emotionlessly. "What's on my mind? Plenty of things. The first of them being that I'm sorry I'm not who I should be."

Rin looked at her with pity, moving his lips closer to hers as she continued to speak. "Ellie-"

"It's not fair on you, I know that," she said. "But I'm trying my best. You know how I am. I can't...I can't do things without prior knowledge on them first. It takes t-time for me get used to things and-"

"Sometimes you just have to take the plunge, Ellie. No knowledge, no time to adjust, no safety. If you get hurt, that's just how it is. But if everything goes right..."

Ellie wasn't exactly sure what happened next. She remembered Rin tilting his head up toward hers and his grip on her waist tightened hard enough to leave marks. She remembered his lips pressing against hers and her heart slamming hard against her chest as she failed to find her legs and run far, far away. She remembered whimpering like a kicked puppy and tugging at the ends of Rin's hair as he kissed her softly and slowly. She didn't remember a lot about the beginning but Ellie was firmly fixed in the present.

Ellie quickly found her fingers tangled in Rin's loose hair, lightly tugging at his roots as they kissed on the floor like a couple of distracted teenagers. Ellie supposed that they were indeed just distracted teenagers in that moment, drawn to each other like moths drawn to dangerous, flickering flames. It terrified Ellie, her heart still slamming hard against her rib cage, but Rin kept her grounded, reminding her of his presence with his touch and comforting her with his kiss.

For some reason, in that moment Ellie finally felt like she was breaking that cycle. Ellie finally felt like she could be free of that horrid need to keep away from others out of fear. Why was she even afraid in the first place? Ellie had lost sight of why she even chose to live as she did in the present but she hoped that those feelings that she had developed over so many years would finally vanish. Just as she'd always hoped they would.

That sickeningly sweet feeling of safety washed over Ellie in a wave, just as Rin began tugging at the hem of her hoodie and kissed her desperately as if his life depended on it. Ellie shivered and pulled away against the complaints of her own racing mind, shaking her head violently as she fought to catch her breath. "Rin...no...too much...not now."

"_Ellie_," Rin whined, sounding like a spoiled child as he nuzzled into her neck. "Come on. We just broke the cycle of the no touching here. Celebrate a little."

Ellie shook her head again, her fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt harder and harder in defiance. "Don't push it, Rin. I'm basically dying here."

"Considering how fast your heart is beating, I'm surprised you haven't had an actual heart attack."

"And is that not enough reason to keep things at this level for now?"

Rin smirked, lightly nipping at Ellie's neck and sending sharp, tingling sensations up and down her spine. "It's reason enough to tell me that you're enjoying this."

Ellie almost wanted to laugh as a blush flourished on her cheeks. _Well, m__y mother's going to be horrified. Her too-focused-and-too-scared daughter has finally caved and became a horny teenager. How wonderful_. "You suck. Like royally."

"Really? I don't recall ever sleeping with a member of the royal family. Must check up on that."

"You are disgusting."

"Ellie, I'm an eighteen year old male with an agenda and a brain. What else do you honestly expect of me?"

Ellie rolled her eyes and pouted as Rin kissed her softly on the lips with a smile, dangerously slipping his hands underneath her hoodie. "Rin," she warned between kisses. "Rin, I told you-"

"And I didn't listen."

Ellie's hoodie was quickly dispatched, dragged up her torso faster than the speed of light and pulled over her head in a second. The Nike tank top she wore beneath was just about as skin tight as the sports shorts she wore, making her feel even more exposed than she would have liked. But Ellie let it happen and even offered Rin a shaky smile as he pulled her closer, her fingers finding their way into his hair yet again.

Even though she was almost enjoying the moment she was having, she still felt that nervous, anxious bubbling inside her stomach and Ellie's mind was still very much on high alert._ Where is you head at woman?!_ Ellie's frightened and anxious mind screamed at her. _Do you not realise or even see what is happening here?!_

Rin's lips met hers and for once, Ellie didn't feel like running away. She smiled into the kissed, giggled like the stupid, lovesick teenage girl she never got to be and enjoyed the moment while it lasted.

But even that moment had to end. And it couldn't have ended in a worse possible way.

"And you were worried about _us _being the horny ones?!"

Ellie never recalled moving quicker than she had in that moment of panic. Scrambling backwards, Ellie crawled off of Rin quickly and pushed herself to her feet in a mad dash, nearly tripping over her own feet as she did. Never in Ellie's own twisted anxious life had she ever felt so embarrassed _and_ horrified in one expanse of time, colour flaring in her cheeks as she snatched her hoodie up off the ground.

"Oh my God, Carla, you are such an ass!" she yelled, covering her face with her hands. "I hate you and your horrible timing."

"Why?" Carla said. "Were you enjoying yourself there? Oh wait, you were too busy shoving your tongue inside Rin's mouth to really tell me, weren't you?"

Ellie groaned, hiding her face in her hands as she wished for the floor to disappear beneath her and swallow her whole in hopes of waking up from the horror nightmare she had found herself in. Carla smirked from underneath the doorway, a scowling Sosuke slipping past her to get into his dorm. Rin's expression was one of annoyance, annoyance that he directed firmly at Sosuke who scolded him loudly for walking in at the worst possible moment.

As much as she wanted to storm out of the room and hide underneath the covers of her bed for all eternity, all Ellie could manage to think was_, I'm never going to live this down_. _Never. Ever. _Ever.

* * *

**A.N: I needed that after Episode 10. I'm sorry but I did.**

**So a bit of relationship development in this chapter. I wanted to sort push some sort of development out of Ellie, especially since she was sort of stuck in a hole in my head and I just needed to sort of push the story along. **

**At least that's why I think I did it. I'm actually having trouble formulating this authors note. My cold is really messing with me. Eh. **

**Thank you to _SheepRainbow_ and _My Father's Daughter_ for reviewing. Thank you to everyone else who favourited and followed. **

**Now I will go hide in a corner whilst I try to get over Episode 10 because the SouRin feels hurt me. Until next time...:)**


	13. Chapter XII

**Chapter XII:**

**Of Basketball Bruises and Cross-Dressing Maids **

* * *

Ellie, in fact, did _not_ manage to live down her little escapade with Rin on that especially hot Friday afternoon. The slow but evident onslaught of comments began with Carla, her snarky, sarcastic little quips never ceasing to annoy Ellie as she pushed through the week whilst running on what felt like mere mental fumes.

The basketball carnival came around in a surprisingly slow fashion compared to every other significant event in Ellie's life. Training during the weekend went for four hours straight, with every hour being dedicated to a specfic area of training and skills. Both Ellie _and_ Carla had been sweating out the Saturday session with laboured breaths and multiple groans of exhaustion, their onland fitness looking rather depleted compared to the fitness that constantly kept them going in the water. Sunday had then felt like minor torture, considering it was almost exactly the same sort of routine as the day before but with an extra ounce of exhaustion between them. The pair had crawled into bed around four in the afternoon after said training session, quickly discovering that neither of them had the energy nor the mental strength to brave the walk to the cafeteria for dinner.

The weekday basketball carnival was held at Samezuka's courts, of all places, and even though the team was only scheduled to play four games that day, the mid-summer sun beamed down on the team as they walked to Samezuka and it's rays threatened to drain every ounce of energy that they, collectively, were desperately going to need. Ellie and Carla made their way over to the school with the team, annoyance bubbling under Ellie's skin as Carla continued to somewhat scold her with repeatedly lewd comments about her new found ability to actually stand physical human contact.

"So, tell me Ellie. When exactly did Rin even manage to get your hoodie off? Was it before or after he shoved his tongue down your throat?"

Ellie was half a second of impatience away from socking her best friend in the jaw. "I really hate you sometimes, Carla," she replied with a tone of forced passive-aggressiveness. "I really, _really_ do."

Carla laughed teasingly and slung an arm over Ellie's shoulder as they walked, continuing to speak as though none of the words that came out of her mouth bothered Ellie in the slightest. "Come on, Ell," she said with a crooked grin. "Lighten up. It's just good to see that you're actually capable of handling human contact. Of _all_ kinds, as it seems."

Ellie had no better response than that of which first came into her head. "You really disgust me sometimes."

"Yeah but I have a right to be disgusting. I'm not a virgin. I'm sexually experienced. Which basically means, I have a right to ridicule others who are just getting into it and tease them when I catch them out."

"No, Carla. That's just your secretly vindictive and nasty side making a brief appearance."

"Well, yeah but I like to think I have that right."

Ellie rolled her eyes and smiled despite her annoyance. Unlike the various swimming carnivals that Ellie had attended in her lifetime, which always seemed to start at unbearably early hours, the basketball tournament started a ten-thirty on a Friday morning, with a planned finish of five in the afternoon. Even though Carla and Ellie had also attended many a netball carnival in their lives, including the three-day extravaganza that was State Age, neither of them entirely understood how a proper basketball tournament ran.

Miyu promised to fill them in on the go but with the entire team running a few minutes late to the courts, the captain was a little too preoccupied to inform the new girls on how things were meant to run. Both of the girls understood the situation, just like the other six girls on the team, and they all complied with her words as she rattled off orders in the middle of hysteria and slight panic. The courts were outdoors, just as expected, and schools from all around were beginning to congregate around the courts as play threatened to begin.

Halting the team in front of Sakura's little set-up, Miyu stepped up onto one of the few benches around the courts and calmed her team down in the middle of the loud hustle and bustle. "Okay, we have fifteen minutes before our first game," she yelled out at her team members. "That's fifteen minutes to get warmed-up, get injuries strapped, put in contacts or whatever it is you need to do to make sure you're ready for the game. But I expect _everyone_ to be on court five minutes before play for a brief game plan. Everyone clear? Good, let's get going."

Ellie and Carla exchanged looks, chuckling softly at Miyu's ever so slightly cold dismissal as they headed off toward the edge of the Sakura area with the rest of the third-years. The Samezuka courts looked surprisingly like the netball courts back home, besides the fact that the courts were of a shorter length and the goals possessed a backboard and nets rather than just a simple pole and ring.

Ellie prayed to God that the third-year seniors weren't helping out with the carnival like they did back at her school back home. She didn't know if she could handle seeing Rin on a day like this. Nor did she think Carla would be able to withstand the urge to spout dirty jokes and innuendos.

It took Ellie a shorter amount of time to get ready than the rest of the team, although there was a slight delay due to the strapping of Carla's weak knee. Ellie had been in charge of strapping her best friend's knee before every netball carnival for over three years, ever since she snapped the tendon during a Saturday game a month after the Youth Olympics. She supposed it was a small tradition between them, a sort of good luck charm, but Ellie failed to believe in luck anymore. Everything required skill. Even certain games of chance.

In the end, every team member made it onto the court five minutes before play for that much needed game plan. The team pulled into a huddle, Miyu's voice being the dominate one amongst the group.

"Alright girls, I'm gonna be fast because we don't have much time," she began. "This team is dirty. Those of us who were on the team last year will remember that they're especially rough and unless the refs are decent this time around, which I doubt they will be, they're going to get away with a lot of stuff that won't be fair. If any of it happens, just let it go and move on. It's not worth getting sent off the court just because they don't know what fair play is."

"So if they hit first, just step back is what you're saying?" Ellie said, basically just repeating what her friend had said. "That's gonna be hard for me."

"And because of that, I will be staying very close to you to hold you back when that time comes," Carla interjected. "We ready now?"

Miyu nodded, finishing off her speech as the thirty second warning bell sounded around the courts. "Just play hard, fast and think before you pass. Don't make stupid decisions and for the love of God, if I see someone miss a goal and no one goes for the rebounds, I _will_ chuck a tantrum."

In essence, that was reason enough to comply with her wishes and the team split up to get on with the game. Ellie wasn't particularly worried about how rough the team would be or whether the refs would pick up their fouls or not. She had enough experience with dirty teams to know what pissed them off the most; when the momentum was pulled in their opposition's direction.

The refs, as Miyu predicted, were horribly unskilled and they seemed to be missing things left and right, from unfair contacts to just general shoving and tripping. However, Sakura managed to keep on top, pushing further and further ahead as the game went on. But upon the second half, there was a dispute in which Ellie was unfortunately involved.

Sakura had managed to get the ball down their end of the court, all whilst holding off the brutal batterings of the other team. Ellie was stuck in center, which was a position dreaded throughout the game due to the opposition's team member. She was incredibly brutal, pushing and shoving as well as even kicking Ellie's legs whenever she had the ball to try and trip her up. Ellie was getting more and more frustrated as the game went on but she kept her cool, pushing through the game with gritted teeth.

The ball was in Carla's possession, her position as shooting guard giving her to chance to show off her shooting skills from netball, but once she was in position, just behind the three-point line, there was a sudden shift in play. Carla's opposing player barged straight into her, knocking her hard into the ground and most likely, causing bruises. The refs, as usual, passed it off even though it was a blindingly obvious contact and at that moment, Ellie simply lost it.

Pushing past her own player, Ellie ran forward and shoved the other team's shooting guard, yelling at the top of her lungs. "What the hell?! That was a bloody contact and you know it!"

The girl sneered at Ellie, giving off the impression of smug intimidation. "Ref didn't see it. Therefore, it didn't happen. Get over it."

That, then and there, was enough to push Ellie over the edge. She didn't quite recall what happened, other than the fact that she slammed her fist into the other girl's jaw about half a second after she was taunted but after that, everything was an effective blur. Ellie took a few blows before the two were pulled apart, words were yelled in their direction which she couldn't understand over the ringing in her ears and before long, she was sat down on the bench alongside Carla, nursing a slowly forming bruise along her jawbone.

"Okay, I have to admit," Carla said as she placed ice on her supposedly aching hip. "That bitch got what she deserved. Besides...that fall was so awkward. God, it hurt."

Ellie groaned in response, leaning into the ice pack that she held gingerly against her jaw. "Yeah but it's not like taking a punch didn't hurt either. God, I didn't even see that second hit coming."

"Actually, from the looks of it, you did pretty well in that fight. You came out of it better than her." Ellie cringed at the sound of the voice behind her. Her wish to have the day uninterrupted by the boys of the swim team seemed to have gone unheard by the Powers-That-Be as Rin sat down beside Ellie on the sideline, a smug grin present on his face.

Ellie shook her head, a dull ache forming in her jaw as she spoke. "God, you were watching?"

Rin smirked. "Indeed, I was. And I was cheering you on from the other side of the court."

Ellie groaned in reply, covering her eyes with her free hand. "Well, at least now you know how aggressive I can get during team sports. You still want to be my boyfriend after that?"

"Damn right, I do. How's your jaw?"

"About as good as my shooting skills."

"Which are..."

"Abysmal," Carla answered, filling in the blank in Rin's sentence. "You should have seen when our coach decided to put her into goal shooter at State Age last year. It was freaking hilarious."

"Yes but it was also very un-fun for me," Ellie exclaimed. "If we're about to mention horrible netball experiences, can we mention the time you got put in centre for a whole quarter?"

"Oh, don't even talk about that. You know I die in centre. That's why I play in goal attack. I shoot goals, I don't do defence and attack at the same time."

Ellie rolled her eyes at her best friend, knowing full-well that Carla was _actually_ reasonably good at centre, and turned her gaze back to Rin to continue their prior conversation. "So what are you doing here, anyway?"

"They gave most of the third-years the day off to help out," Rin explained. "Sosuke and I weren't really needed much, as it turns out. So we decided to wander for a bit when we remembered that you two were playing today. So, naturally, we came to watch."

"And you were met with the sight of your girlfriend instigating a brawl." Ellie laughed humourlessly at the thought. "How charming of me."

"Oh, it was. And a little hot, to be completely honest with you."

Rin's comment was met with a sharp punch to the arm, which somehow managed to cause sparks of pain to prickle like pins and needles along Ellie's aching knuckles. Conversation was halted momentarily by the end of game, signalled by a horn sounding through the courts, blaring loudly through the speakers and causing the slight ringing in Ellie's ears to intensify. Sakura won by a mile, despite the horrible quality of the refs and rough play by the opposition, but there was still three more games to go and Ellie suspected that she'd be sitting out at least the first half of the next game to supposedly 'cool down'.

Rin sat beside her during that next half of the second game, chatting the time away as Ellie grumbled her way through the beginnings of a nasty bruise. Sosuke found his way to the court and sat down beside Carla, who'd been sidelined until further notice, just as halftime was called. Miyu managed to find it in her heart to let Ellie back on the court but only after forcing her to promise that violence wouldn't be used again to solve a dispute in the game.

"I won't have the reputation of this team ruined because one of us can't handle a little conflict," she explained to Ellie, sounding scarier than her mother after a bad performance in a race. "I need to trust you, okay. Can I trust you enough to do this for me? To get on court and _not_ lose your temper?"

"Yes," Ellie said for the hundredth time. "And I have an aching jaw to remind me of that. Can we please just get back to the game now?"

Miyu rolled her eyes and huffed with exasperation but grinned, nonetheless, letting Ellie back on court without any more hassle. The day went on with a strangely hypnotic tone, the games blending together in a rush of running, shooting and cheers sounded from the sidelines. By the end of their fourth game, and fourth victory for the day, Ellie had hardly even been aware of how exhausted she was. Carla, although still aching from her awkward fall, had been on court for their last two games and unsurprisingly, looked just as tired as Ellie felt.

"Well, I don't know about you," Carla sighed, taking long sips from her drink bottle as she walked. "But I could use a shower. Like, a fifteen minute one. Or maybe an hour, instead."

"Jeez, what kind of stretch is that?" Ellie replied, resisting the urge to just pull off her basketball shirt and wring the sweat from it's material. She thought on the action for a few seconds, even considering seriouslu, and, despite the amusement that Rin would most likely get from the sight of her sports bra, she denied herself from performing it. "I'm actually starving, to be honest. I could eat the ass out of a low flying duck."

"As your uncles would say." Carla smiled knowingly at Ellie, the memory of the many New Years Day lunches at Ellie's house driving her to make the reference. Ellie's uncles, on her mother's side, were notorious bogans. Ellie suspected that if she ever punched a girl just as she had today in front of them, they'd have cheered and given her a stubby to celebrate.

"God, my legs are like lead," Ellie complained. "Do I have to walk any further?"

Rin, who had been trailing behind the girls prior to their conversation, came beside Ellie and lazily slung an arm around her shoulder. "What's this about tired legs and the prospect of piggybacks?"

Carla rolled her eyes. "Hint, hint. That was smooth, genius."

"Indeed it was," Rin remarked smugly. "You're just jealous of my ability to sound charming no matter the time of day."

"Oh yeah, you were overly charming when you chucked me into the pool at prefecturals," Ellie muttered, poking him in the ribs and grinding to a halt. "Stand still, Shark Boy. I'm holding you to that piggyback deal."

Rin grinned eagerly, seemingly thrilled by the idea of coming into any form of physical contact with Ellie. Leaning forward slightly, Rin allowed Ellie to clamber up onto his back, grabbing the back of her legs as she circled them around his waist and letting her wrap her arms around his neck before carrying her the rest of the way back to the Sakura dorms. The long walk, incidentally, lead to the planning of an entire weekend.

"I'm sorry, we _have_ to do this thing at the Cultural Festival?!" Ellie exclaimed, her voice sounding tired as the sun began to give in to the pull of the horizon and sink slowly into the ground. "I am not dressing up as a maid."

"Damn, I was looking forward to seeing you in a short skirt and suspenders." With a sharp slap to arm, Rin silenced his joking. "Ellie, the Maid Cafe is mandatory for all members. You don't do it, you have to quit the swim team. Besides, you and Carla are third-years. Well, technically speaking, you both are. So you only have to dress up as butlers."

"Which means I will be dressing up as a waiter," Carla said cheerfully. "So everyone else cross-dresses?"

"Yep," Rin replied. "And the maid outfits are overly frilly. Trust me. I know. And we will not speak on the matter of my own experience with cross-dressing last year."

Ellie laughed loudly at the thought and settled her chin on Rin's shoulder. "I'm so asking Nitori for a photo of that."

"You will do no such thing."

"Oh, I will. And then I'll print it and stick on my laptop to remind myself of it's hilarity."

"You are a cruel, cruel girlfriend."

"Indeed I am, Sharkie. Indeed I am."

Rin chuckled softly, the sound resonating through his body and drumming softly underneath Ellie's fingertips. "Well," he sighed, hoisting Ellie a little higher up on his back. "Do you guys want to stay over at my house for the weekend?"

Carla, who'd been vaguely listening throughout the conversation, raised an eyebrow at the suggestive tone of Rin's offer. "Rin, what are you saying? I am not third-wheeling with you and Ellie-bear. Even though I love Ellie, I don't love her so much as to go to your house, just to watch you two make-out on the floor."

Ellie shot a glare in Carla's direction, hoping that her best friend had managed to telepathically pick up on the increasingly angry thoughts that filled her head at an alarming rate. Rin quickly refrained from speaking, his grip on Ellie's legs tightening painful hard. Luckily, it was Sosuke who finally spoke up, rolling his eyes and sighing with heavy annoyance before reassuring the blonde. "Carla, calm down," he said with an inherently blunt undertone. "I'm going to be there. You wouldn't be third wheeling. Rin is just horrible at explaining things, that's all."

"Only because you didn't even give me enough time to get a word in!" Rin exclaimed, the insult bringing him back to life and causing him to sound thoroughly offended by the accusation. "Fine, forget I ever said it then."

"Aw, don't be like that," Ellie cooed mockingly. "I'd happily come over to your house for the weekend as long as Carla and I can bring movies and Cadbury chocolate."

"No Cadbury chocolate." Rin's tone sounded annoyingly definite. "That stuff is just too sweet for it's own good."

"Well, so are you, Sharkie but the difference between you and Cadbury chocolate, I can eat the chocolate all I want. And as delicious as you look Rin, I'm not into cannibalism."

"There will be no cannibalism or Cadbury chocolate inside my household. My mother doesn't like blood on the carpet."

"But I like Cadbury chocolate."

The argument about chocolate, of all things, and their discussion about the pending day continued unhindered throughout their walk back to Sakura's dorms. According to Rin, first and second-years were required to cross-dress as maids for the Maid Cafe, whilst third-years got the more dignified role of dressing as butlers for the majority of the day. Sosuke, understandably, was opposed to the idea entirely and complained about having to go through with the idea altogether. Although he seemed a little more open to the prospect of having Carla suffer through the same sort of treatment, especially since he knew he wouldn't be suffering alone.

The strangely enticing argument about Cadbury chocolate reached even higher levels of noise as they trudged their way into the dorms, the supervisors being familiar enough with the boys to let them up into the dorms without much fuss. There was a momentary ceasefire inside the girls' dorm room however, which incidentally lead to an argument about which clothes to take for the night.

Ellie gave up on the issue within five minutes of conflict. All she wanted was a shower, a bed and night of movies and relaxation alongside varying degrees of junk food.

_Is that really too much to ask for? _

* * *

Luckily, it wasn't a wish that was hard to fulfil.

After a late night of dissecting various nineties-teen movies provided by Carla and a ridiculously large feast of both Australian and Japanese junk food, Ellie found it hard to drag herself from sleep in the morning. The sunlight trickled in through the one window in the room, warming Ellie's cheek as she groaned and attempted to yank the comforter over her head and sleep the rest of the day away.

The lounge room had previously been set up as the temporary sleeping space for the older teenagers, with various pillows and comforters neatly folded in the corner of the room when they entered, before being scattered around the closed space as the four got comfortable in their surroundings.

The unsettled debate about food had been quickly re-instigated into the flow of conversation within the first five minutes of the very first movie, to which a rare childish argument ensued between Rin and Ellie. The argument continued non-stop until Gou, looking especially exhausted after a long day at school, trudged into the room halfway through their surprisingly loud disagreement and silenced them both, her arms full of Rin's supposed favourite snacks. She then promptly scolded her brother harshly for yelling at his 'innocent' girlfriend and stormed out, muttering hotheaded words under her breath as she went. The look on Rin's face had been enough to cause slight hysteria amongst the girls and even Sosuke managed to crack an amused smile under the circumstances.

The evening turned out to be relatively quiet after that. There was the occasional appearance of Carla's irritating running commentary about every little detail appearing on screen. There was Ellie's inherently bad habit of quoting every sentence said by the characters, word for word. It wasn't Sosuke finally decided to chuck a pillow at her head and yell a rather creative insult Ellie's way that she finally stopped, a half-amused smile present on his face as Ellie pegged the pillow back in his direction.

And every once in while, just as the plot of each movie hit a significantly _bad_ turning point, Rin would yell obscene words at the characters on screen before proceeding to throw popcorn at the television until he finally calmed down. This occurred quite frequently during '_10 Things I Hate About You_', so much in fact that a small pile of popcorn had formed in front of the entertainment centre by the time the movie was finished and Rin was forced to clean up the mess before his mother found out that he'd been needlessly wasting food on the lives of fictional characters.

The group hadn't even slowed down until about one in the morning and Rin's strict but also strangely easygoing mother came in to tell them that they should probably quiet down. _For Gou's sake_, she had said.

Throughout the entire night, Ellie distinctly remembered feeling content, uncaring and generally happy as she fell asleep in Rin's arms a quarter of the way through '_Bring It On_'. She dreamt, for the first time in over a year, of the spread out and vast landscape of home. She felt safe, encased in Rin's arms, when four months ago, she would have cringed at the thought of having _any_ boy so much as hold her hand.

The world was strangely right, if not just for a moment, and Ellie didn't want that moment to end. Especially at ten o'clock on Saturday morning, with no coffee and no proper amount of silence to help her control her morning agitation.

Burying her face into the pillow beneath her cheek, Ellie groaned loudly as the sound of clatter and movement echoed out from the kitchen and into the living room. She pulled the covers down off her head and glared at the door that separated herself from the others, praying to God that they weren't coming to get her out of bed. _Just count to five, Churchill_, she thought to herself. _Just c__ount to five and power on_.

_One_. The sound of footsteps closing in on the living room door caused Ellie's annoyance levels to spike. She tugged the covers back over her head and groaned, curling into a protective ball as she continued to count.

_Two_. The sound of the sliding door opening gave Ellie the impression that whoever was coming to wake her up had the courage of a thousand men. Wither that, or they had coffee. _Yeah, they probably have coffee_.

_Three_. A hand rested on Ellie's blanket covered shoulder and lightly shook her, to which she huffed an air of annoyance.

_Fou_-. "Ellie? You ready to get up now?"

_That's it. I'm going to kill him_. Peeling the covers off of her head, Rin grinned down at Ellie with a look of smug self-assurance, his hair pulled back into a small ponytail and his eyes bright with the effects of caffeine and light sleep. "Ellie, you can't just hide under-"

"Get out."

Rin raised an eyebrow, his grip on the comforter tightening. "Come on, Ellie. Carla's nearly ready and God knows how long she's going to take with you."

"Invalid excuse. Now get out."

"There's food in the kitchen."

"Getting warmer. But still, get out."

"We made coffee for you."

"...Damn it."

With much mental and physical effort, Ellie managed to coax herself out of bed and into the kitchen, where the alluring aroma of life-sustaining coffee clung desperately to the air, mingled with the scents of food and Ellie's only possible choice for breakfast; raisin toast. Ellie didn't even bother greeting those in the room before she'd downed her first cup. She was in survival mode, looking for nutrients in the wonderful golden brew that was coffee. _Addiction at it's finest_, Ellie thought sarcastically as she worked her way through her second cup of the morning.

Although the girls didn't have butler costumes to wear to the Maid Cafe, they decided to improvise and wear what they had worn to their last school social. Button-up white shirts, black ties and fashionable black blazers alongside _ridiculously_ expensive Jeffery Campbell heeled-boots had all been a part of their little contribution to the social's chosen theme of _Witch, Please_. Although their make-up was severely toned down from what they had concocted on the night, Ellie had fun pulling on her clothes and reliving the wave of high school nostalgia that washed over her as memories flooded her mind.

Despite what Rin expressly argued about upholding tradition within the club, the pair continued to dress as they pleased and by the end of their preparations, winged eyeliner, black lipstick and all, the boys were no longer complaining. Especially not when their equally athletic female counterparts were wearing _skin-tight_ black leggings.

"Who'd have thought?" Carla said as they walked arm in arm through the slowly opening stalls littered throughout the Samezuka campus. "Our one good costume from a social actually became useful again. Did we have a bet about that? I swear we did."

"No, there wasn't," Ellie replied, her sunglasses perched pompously on the bridge of her nose. "But at least we get to scare the locals."

"It's great isn't it? Although, also a little sad. I mean, you'd think they'd know contemporary witches when they saw them."

"Well, it is Japan."

"Racism. I call racism."

"Says the girl who insulted an entire religion in Year 6."

"Oh, come on. Don't hold _that_ against me."

"You know I will."

Carla shook her head, laughing softly as they entered the facility in which they'd be spending the day. The event began about twenty minutes after they arrived, with the hilarity of the maid outfits severely impairing Ellie's ability to speak at one point. Rin repeatedly chastised her for laughing, although his words didn't particularly make much of a difference to the literal stitches she had laughed herself into. She refrained from teasing the other members of her team, although she it was taking all her physical strength of will to do so, but some people, to Ellie at least, honestly just somehow deserved the ridicule. Momotarou had been one of those few people, after he repeatedly took it upon himself to grumble and complain throughout the entire experience, to which Rin very nearly hit him over the head. And he probably would have succeeded, had it not been for an interfering Carla who stood behind the barista's counter.

Carla, unsurprisingly, was the only one in the entire swim team who actually knew how to operate the monstrous hissing barista machine, a skill that Sosuke became severely confused as to how she attained it.

Midway through the day, as both Ellie and Sosuke took a break from serving _and_ Rin's loud, bossy remarks about being nice to the patrons, the two of them decided to hide behind Carla for a few minutes. The steam from the expresso machine made the area in which Carla was working extremely hot but neither Sosuke nor Ellie particularly minded after walking around, serving people for four hours straight. A break was sorely needed and Sosuke took the opportunity to ask the question that had apparently been bugging him since Carla starting working behind the counter.

"How do you even know how to work that thing?" he finally asked, watching her as she worked at a strangely quick pace with surprising attention to detail. "It's not as if those things are easy to-"

"Hospitality," Carla replied breathlessly, hardly even batting an eyelid at his question. "I took as an elective from Year 9 till Year 11, did my HSC exam last year and I'm doing extension stuff now. Basically it's a class about how to make industry standard food. That includes how to be a barista, incidentally. Besides, I work at a cafe back home. How else would I know how to work it?"

"You didn't tell him that?" Ellie sat idly on the bench-countertop beside her best friend, keeping a few inches away from her to give her room to work without having the worry of crashing into another person with a cup of scolding hot liquid in her hands. "I'd have thought you would have. It's your best subject, isn't it?"

"Not to mention the fact that I spent half the year freaking out about it. Ellie, are you even going to help or are you just Rin's eye-candy for the day?"

Ellie pursed her lips dramatically. "I find that incredibly offensive."

"And I find it incredibly true," Sosuke added with a sliver dry humour present in his statement, a small smile flashed Carla's way as she shook her head and grinned. With a disgruntled sigh, Sosuke leaned back against the countertop and crossed his arms, staring off into the distance with a scowl. "This is such a ridiculous tradition..."

"Oh _please_," Carla scoffed. "This is harmless compared to the crap we had to do last year. And we still have traditions to fulfil as well, might I add."

"How could it be worse?"

"As Year 12 students, we're expected to teach a Year 7 class for at least one day at the end of the year," Ellie explained dryly. "We have to do a flash mob, although we don't tell people when or where. We had to play a prank on at least one teacher per term last year and we were expected to clean up after said prank when it was done. Basically, every year group at our school has at least one tradition that they have to perform of fulfil within the year. Year 7 usually has the most but Year 10 has pretty much caught up at this point. Did I miss one that was especially mean, Carla? I felt like I missed one."

Carla paused for a moment, the oversized bottle of whipped cream in her hand left hoversing over the iced coffee she had been preparing, and thought for a few seconds before coming up with an answer. "The hundred kilometre challenge."

Ellie groaned loudly at the mentioning of her school's ridiculously harsh event. "Oh God, that bloody thing. I know why I didn't remember it now. Probably because I just wanted to wipe it from memory."

"What was the 'hundred kilometre challenge'?" Sosuke asked, seeming thoroughly interested in what the girls had to say.

"Torture concocted in the very depths of hell itself," Ellie hissed. "It sucked. Royally."

"It wasn't that bad," Carla said defensively. "I don't remember hating it that much."

"That's because you didn't even do it. You were excused because of what happened to your knee. What I wouldn't have given..."

Carla rolled her eyes but in the absence of a viable explanation, she took it upon herself to explain the tradition to Sosuke. "In Year 8, we have this one tradition called 'The Hundred Kilometre Challenge'. Because Year 8 is usually the year that no one ever does anything to do with being involved with school events, the teachers thought they'd be clever and make us do something. As it turns out, that something was entering the entire year into two running marathons within the year. Each of them were fifty kilometres long and we had to run them. Or walk them. Or take them seriously if you were that kind of person."

Sosuke raised an eyebrow at Carla's explanation, looking slightly suspicious of her statement. "You're kidding, right? They made you run marathons as a tradition?! How did you even do it?" Ellie shot Sosuke a dangerous look, giving him the signal that he was treading on very thin ice. Quickly, he corrected his small inconsiderate error. "I mean, it's not that I don't think you two could have been able to run that kind of thing. It's just that it seems a little cruel. Especially considering there were probably people in your year who weren't naturally athletic."

"Well, it was either that or lose the privilege of having a locker," Ellie added. "And trust me, you _need_ your lockers. It's scary how fast textbooks can go missing in one school. Besides, it should really be called the Hundred-and-Five Kilometre challenge. We do the Colour Run at start of the year. That's always fun."

Although he had been interested to begin with, Sosuke simply sighed and shook his head before asking, "I even want to know?"

Ellie and Carla exchanged looks of questioning before shaking their heads in unison. "Probably not."

_That_ was a story for a completely different day...

* * *

_Water is a mirror but one's reflection can only be trusted to appear so many times. At what point do we stop believing? At what point is it acceptable to move on and see yourself as you truly are, without that reflection staring back at you?_

Ellie stared at her laptop screen, it's steady, white glow illuminating her face in the dark. She didn't really know why she'd stayed up so late, the covers pulled over her head and her earphones plugged in. The pull of sleep threatened to drag her under as she continued to stare at her laptop screen with red and aching eyes but Ellie knew perfectly well that she wouldn't be able to sleep. She hadn't wasted the last two and a half hours of her night tossing and turning underneath the covers just for kicks and giggles. She couldn't sleep and sadly, no one was awake to entertain her madness.

As she stared at the words on the screen, Ellie wondered silently why her unconscious mind continued to spout these constant bouts of inconsistent phrases that seemed to randomly form inside her mind during times of extreme exhaustion. Maybe it was her body's natural reaction to the sheer amount of stress she subjected herself to on a daily basis. Maybe it was her mind, telling her to shut up and go to sleep. Maybe those words actually meant something and were destined for deeper interpretation...

_Wow_, Ellie thought underneath the glare of her laptop screen. _I think sleep deprivation is slowly rotting my brain_.

Just as Ellie finally decided to close her laptop and go to sleep, her phone unexpectedly chimed beside her and pulled her away from the lure of sleep for a simple moment. Groaning with frustration, Ellie picked up the device that sat beside her and flicked through her lock screen with the upmost intentions of typing in all caps for the remainder of the night.

Naturally, the text was from Rin. The boy had developed sense of timing that rivalled even Carla's in terms of horribleness. _**Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. My mother has this thing about phone usage in the house. I only just managed to get it back now, with some especially clever thinking. I'm kinda sneaky (￣▽￣)**_

Ellie smirked at the text, amused by her boyfriend's brand-new obsession with the more advanced style smiley faces. _**You do realise it's like two in the morning, right Rin?**_

_**Oh God, it is too. I'm sorry, Ell. Were you sleeping?**_

_**No. I was just wondering what it felt like to be an insomniac, is all.**_

_**You can't sleep again?**_ Even through a text message, Rin could easily tell that Ellie was being harshly sarcastic about herself. Months of friendship hadn't been completely useless to them, after all.

_**I've been up for hours, actually. How could you tell?**_

_**You're usually pretty cheerful when you've stayed up all night. What's wrong?**_

_**What's wrong? Why would anything be wrong? I just can't sleep, that's all.**_

Rin's next text was enough to make Ellie smile again. _**I'm guessing this means that I'm staying up with you**_._**  
**_

_**Well, of course dummy**_, Ellie replied. _**Who else is going to help me through the long cold nights alone?**_

_**Okay, that was a strangely smutty statement. And...now I'm incredibly tempted to invite you over. Thanks Ellie. Just what I need.**_

_**What's stopping you? **_

_**(o_o) Um, who are you and what have you done with my socially anxious girlfriend? **_

_**I don't know. I think it's the sleep deprivation.**_

_**Can you stay like that for a little while? It's kind of refreshing. **_

_**Why? You don't like me as the adorable anxious girl who would murder you in your sleep if you tried to take my Cadbury chocolate away from me? **_

As Ellie hit send, she wondered _why_ she suddenly felt so bold as to even consider sending suggestive and even bold texts to Rin. On any other day, her hands would have been shaking as she typed the letters and she would most likely deleted the message before sending, erasing it from memory. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation or maybe it was her impaired judgement. Ellie mainly blamed it on the impaired judgement but for the moment, she simply circled back to enjoying the feeling of an anxiety-free conversation, as they were incredibly rare to come by in Ellie's life long experience.

All in all, Ellie felt as if her weekend had been hypnotically _normal_, for the first time in...honestly, ever. It was as if nothing mattered enough to be taken seriously anymore and even with the slightly purplish bruise developing along her jaw, Ellie felt as if nothing in her two days of unhindered bliss could or _should_ be changed. She was happy, plain and simple, and there was barely anything in the world that was going to convince her otherwise on the subject.

For people always say, there's a calm before _every_ storm...

* * *

**A.N: I feel a little evil doing that to you guys. Actually, I feel a _lot_ evil by doing that to you guys. Was that even a correct sentence? I don't think so. Okay, moving on.**

**Well, I decided to just continually write for this chapter until I found a stopping point. That stopping point then turned into this extremely long...thing that took at least a day to edit. I'm not completely aware of why I just kept writing. But I did. And I can't change it. **

**And I'm not particularly sure when Samezuka's Cultural Festival actually is but I did delete an explanation where I made the excuse that the school had moved it's date to coincide with Sakura's Cultural Festival. Yeah...obviously a valid excuse! (Please don't judge me) **

**So, in about three days, I will be going on holidays. And by that, I mean, I'm going into the Australian desert for a month with my parents and a friend, to do hiking and kayaking with crocodiles in the Kimberlys. Now, none of that probably made sense to you guys but in short, I will be in areas with minimal wifi and internet for a full month. FML. But I will be continuing to write and wherever I am, I will try to upload the next chapter. Although that probably won't happen until I'm in a caravan park, hogging every ounce of wifi. **

**Thank you to _IKhandoZatman, fantasticfabrications, LilweenGalatrass, My Father's Daughter_ and _Rowanne_ for reviewing. Thank you to everyone else who favourited and followed. I love the reviews. And everything else. I don't know what to say. You guys are all so nice :)**

**Also, Haru! My baby! Why must you be mean to Makoto? *sobs for eternity because of Episode 11*...:)**


	14. Chapter XIII

**Chapter XII:**

**Weakness**

* * *

Ellie had been making it clear that she was absolutely and non-negotiably _horrible_ at packing since age seven.

Whether it was for an overnight trip to Carla's house on the weekend or a fully-fledged, month-long holiday overseas with her parents, Ellie always found that she either packed too little or too much. She was constantly foregoing the task of properly folding her clothes and organising them neatly into her bags. She was forever forgetting her toothbrush, or her hairbrush, or even God forbid, her phone charger. It was a minor miracle that all the things that Ellie needed for a year of independent study in Japan, actually _arrived_ with the proper amount of effort and care gone into packing them. Ellie hated the task and she supposed that _that_ was probably why she found it so undeniably hard to actually pack for _anything_.

Overnight swimming carnival trips were amongst the worst sufferers of this case. Regionals, as much as Ellie hated it, required the team to travel to the event's location a day before and stay overnight, just so the entire team would be able to get the correct amount of sleep for the competition ahead. To do this, Ellie had to pack her bags. And in turn, organise an entire swim team with separate agendas. As well as make sure she wasn't forgetting anything important, which meant consistently checking her bag to make sure her phone charger was indeed there.

With the approaching of Regionals, the entire team began to buzz with excited energy and pent-up nerves. Upon hearing of Ellie's recent sporting successes through Carla's chatter-box parents, Ellie's parents had recently bombarded her with supportive emails and '_go-get-'em_' text messages that honestly made Ellie want to upchuck her breakfast and throw her phone out the metaphorical window. The sheer amount of said messages never ceased to make her feel sick but for some strange reason, Ellie was actually looking forward to Regionals. She finally felt as if she'd be able to swim for herself again, without expectations and without the prospect of a future looming over her head. Ellie blamed it on school. The stress of HSC trials must have been affecting her ability to differentiate anxieiatic panic from general happiness.

The sounds of chatter and loud voices bounced off the walls of Samezuka's indoor pool, the chemical scent of chlorine clinging to Ellie's skin as tightly as it clung to the air inside the building. Training was about to start, the first-year and second-years milling around the diving blocks in apprehensive excitement as they waited for their coaches to wander over and torture them for the day. Ellie, still exhausted from her three-hour English exam, was feeling incredibly generous in terms of training that day, simply planning to resort to a starts-and-turns day in the absence of her usual '_tough love_' mentality. Ellie simply wasn't feeling like training today and Carla, being the mind-reader that she was, was quick to understand Ellie's exhausted coaching ethic.

Sitting beside Ellie with her hair hanging free and showering down over her shoulders, Carla poked her best friend in the arm, snapping the other girl out of her mindless daze and bringing her back to the present. "If I didn't know any better," Carla said with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "I'd think that you don't want to be here today."

Ellie shook her head, yawning widely, and hugged her legs to her chest, resting her chin atop of her knees as she watched Rin '_motivate_' the younger members of the swim team into the pool for warm-up. "I _do_ want to be here," Ellie grumbled. "But I'm just exhausted, that's all. Trials are killing me. I had no idea all of this would be so draining."

"Well, that's Year 12 for you," Carla replied, shrugging as if to dismiss Ellie's obvious exhaustion. "We still have at least eight weeks of exams to look forward to, remember? This isn't even the real thing."

Ellie groaned, screwing her eyes shut and hugging her legs tighter as the thought of school popped into her head. "Ugh, don't remind me. I have no desire to engage in a conversation that's going to remind me of the fact that we're graduating in like a month. Don't you freaking dare, Carla."

"It's not like we can avoid it." Carla picked at the strap of her swim bag, analyzing it as if it were a possible cure for cancer. "We'll be moving all our stuff back soon. We'll go through our final week, get through muck-up day, ace our exams and then we'll be out in the real world. Adults. No longer children."

"Oh, yeah right. We're still treated like little kids, even though we're _out_ of high school. It's not until we actually _have_ kids ourselves that we're truly considered adults."

"Wow, sounding somber there. Are you...are you sure you're feeling okay?"

Ellie shook her head, running her hand through her hair as she considered her options. "No, not really," she replied. "I think I might just go back to our room actually. I think I just need some more sleep, that's all."

"You want me to tell Rin where you've gone?"

Once more, Ellie shook her head. "No, I'll do it. You get to training, okay? I'll see you later."

Slinging her swim bag over her shoulder, Ellie wandered over to where Rin stood at the diving blocks and ran a shaking hand through her loose and tangled hair once again. She honestly had no idea why she was so physically and mentally exhausted. She didn't feel nervous or anxious about Regionals, that much was obvious. But she didn't exactly feel _right_ either, the uneasiness settling in her stomach attesting to the headache that was slowly developing inside her brain. Ellie just wanted to sleep through the afternoon, if not without the impertinence of a thousand word essay hanging over her head and exams to study for.

Rin turned his head to look at Ellie as she came to stand beside him, his stern look of concentration evaporating at the sight of her exhausted expression and hunched posture. "What's wrong, Ell?" he asked, eyeing her worringly as she looked out onto the swimmers warming up. "You look like you've only had two hours sleep."

"I've probably had less than that, actually," Ellie replied, hastily blinking out of her daze. "Honestly, I just feel really..._off_ right now. I think I'm just going to go back to the dorm and sleep off whatever's been bugging me for the afternoon. I'm no use to you here anyway, especially not in this condition."

"What condition is _that_ exactly?"

Ellie shrugged, picking at the hem of her hoodie with disinterest. "I'm just really out of it, I guess. I'm not really paying good attention to anything. I don't think I can really help here."

"But Regionals are in _three_ days, Ellie. We need all the training we can get." Rin continued to lecture her on the importance of training for the next three mind-numbingly long minutes, his voice becoming a constant but monotonous droll. Ellie didn't understand why he couldn't just let her go. It wasn't as if she was going to be of much use as a coach, especially with her slowly disintegrating patience and blistering headache. _Just let me go_, she thought. _Just let me go before I decide to drown myself in the pool out of sheer annoyance_.

Cutting him off halfway through his little speech, Ellie gasped as pain that had been subtly hammering against the inside of her skull suddenly intensified. Finally, her patience for Rin's chastising words snapped, like a rubber band that had been stretched too far inside her mind. "_Rin_!"

Halting halfway through his sentence, Rin stared at Ellie as she slipped into what felt like a panic attack-like state. Her heart thundered against her chest, her brain ached as what felt like needles were slowing being drilled into her skull caused severe pain to spike in various places inside her head and all the while, Ellie only had a vague idea of what was happening. She only understood the fact that she was having an anxiety attack. A reasonably large one too, as her breath picked up and tears pricked her eyes, but she had no idea of what the cause was, what had triggered her attack.

As Ellie began to slip into a characteristic panic, her team members began to pay better attention to their surroundings, shuffling over the the blocks to see what exactly what was wrong with their vice captain. There was a commotion caused around her, making the feeling of claustrophobia and anxiety even worse. Rin sat her down on the sidelines, his hands on her shoulders as he repeated saying, "Breathe, okay? Everything's fine here. No one wants to hurt you. No one's making you feel unsafe."

Ellie very nearly punched the boy in the throat. How could he possibly think that everything was fine? Ellie felt like she'd been run over by a car, shoved into a mental asylum and was currently having railroad spikes shoved into her skull. Something, if not _everything_, was incredibly wrong. Ellie covered her eyes as the tears began to flow, her hands shaking as they came in contact with her face. It was as if none of the past few months of healing had mattered, as if her days of complete happiness hadn't made a dent in the affliction known as her anxiety. Ellie felt herself slip into that little pit of despair and for some unknown reason, she had no energy to fight it. She was just so exhausted. For no particular reason.

Ever since her first attack in the middle of Year 7 P.E, Ellie had hated when she had anxiety attacks in public. They were very rarely triggered, often only by stress or extreme cases of depression, but they were enough to scare the living daylights out of Ellie every time she had one. Each attack was always different but Ellie only ever remembered having six major attacks in her life time, now including the one pulsating through her veins like a vicious virus killing her from inside out.

Upon her first major attack in her school's gym, Ellie remembered collapsing, unable to breathe and unable to form words, and she was sent home for the entire week by the school nurse before her parents finally decided to send her to a sports psychologist to fix the problem. The doctor had said it was simply stress-triggered, due to her recent selection for the Youth Olympics and the prospect of swimming at international level. Her parents requested that her training be toned down a little, to which Ellie, being the young and aspiring child that she used to be, had said she was fine and continued swimming as usual.

The second and third attacks had appeared after the Youth Olympics, the second being amidst the hustle and bustle of a media conference and the third being at Carla's house, when her best friend's younger sister came asking questions about her victory that she desperately wanted to avoid. Both attacks had been hidden from her parents, carefully guarded secrets between Ellie, Carla and a small group of unfortunate others that knew the actual depth of Ellie's condition.

Ellie's fourth attack had been probably the least frightening of all of them. It had been during the summer school holidays, lying in bed on a stiflingly hot January evening with the covers thrown back and tears running down her face. Ellie still didn't know what had triggered that particular attack. She suspected it was simply the feeling of suffocation and heat underneath the blankets of her bed that made her panic.

Ellie's fifth attack had definitely been the worst. It was during the time that her parents decided that it would be best to send her off to some special swimming academy on the Gold Coast. During the time that she'd run off, sobbing and screaming with the ultimate kind of anger and sadness at the thought of being ripped away from home, from her friends, from Carla, who was the only person who truly understood her and knew her for who she actually was. She remembered trying to kill herself that night, on the bathroom floor with the adrenaline of an ever present attack still coursing through her veins. She hadn't been able to go through with it. She hadn't been able to force it and finish the act before Carla had found her.

Much like her fourth attack, Ellie had no idea what had triggered this kind of anxiety attack. All she knew was that she wanted to get out of that state and get out of it fast, before she travelled even further down the rabbit hole and forgot her way out.

In all the commotion and blurring of faces, Carla had somehow replaced Rin as the leading voice in bringing her back to herself, her hands gripping Ellie's shoulder's firmly and her eyes glistening with obvious panic. "Ellie!" she exclaimed, shaking her best friend slightly but violently. "Snap out of it. Don't fall back into this shit again, Ell. Not again."

Fighting hard for control over her breath again, Ellie softly grabbed Carla's wrist and sobbed, the sound causing a burning sensation to tickle the back of her throat. "Oh God..." Ellie whispered. "What...what happened?"

Sighing with relief, Carla loosened her grip on Ellie's shoulders but didn't let go as she had expected. "You went through another attack, that's what happened. Pretty sudden one too. You need sleep, Ell. The stress of Trials must've triggered it."

Ellie shook her head, hastily wiping the tears from her cheeks. She was hardly even panicked anymore. Ellie just felt..._confused_. "I don't know...maybe-"

"Well, whatever it was, it can wait," Carla said with loud authority. "I'm taking you back to the dorm, okay? I need to watch over you for the rest of the night-"

"No." Sosuke, who'd been watching on in vague horror and curiosity with the rest of the swim club, stepped forward and pulled Carla back toward him, whispering gentle but firm words into her ear. Ellie heard about as much as '_leave her be_' and '_she won't always have you_' before she decided to stop listening. She didn't want to think about the fact that Carla wouldn't always be there for her. She didn't even want to think about the end of the month. Time just seemed to be running out and Ellie was in no position to ask it to slow down any more than it already could.

As their team members continued to stare at her in amazement and bewilderment, Ellie felt the distinct need to shove each and every one of them off a cliff, simply for staring at her with wide eyes as if she were some medical experiment. There was one thing Ellie hated more than having a anxiety attack in public; having people standing around, staring at her after the damage was done. Without warning, Ellie felt a hard tug on her arm, sending her upright and standing before she was pulled through the crowd with another startlingly harsh yank. It wasn't surprising to Ellie, however, that it was Rin who was tugging her toward the exit.

"Come on," Rin said as he dragged her through the front doors of the facility. "You heard the woman. You need sleep."

For no particular reason, Ellie felt the pinpricks of tears brim her eyes and her legs were quickly losing their strength underneath her. She just felt so tired. There was no explanation as to why but that was all Ellie knew. "Rin...Rin, I-"

"Oh, for the love of God," Rin muttered under his breath, briskingly turning and swooping Ellie up into his arms before she could protest. Not that she wanted to protest in the first place. Even if she didn't want Rin to see her as she was, emotional and broken down, Ellie possessed a desire to get home and curl up underneath the covers that was much stronger than her obsessive compulsion to hide herself from Rin. In fact, all Ellie really wanted to do, then and there, was curl up into a ball and hide, hide from the world and all it's occupants until no one knew she existed. Just for a day, a week, maybe even a year.

Because for the first time in half a year, Ellie felt well and truly _lost_. And it wasn't because she was stressed or homesick. She didn't feel the pressure to succeed pressing down on her chest and there was no disturbing sense of anxiety-induced dread present in her gut. In fact, Ellie suspected that she was simply _afraid_ of going home.

Afraid of leaving behind all the good that the year in Japan had done her.

Afraid of leaving behind the good, happy memories that Ellie so desperately wanted to remember.

Afraid of leaving behind her slowly reoccurring joy of swimming, racing and winning.

Afraid of leaving Rin.

Ellie didn't want to leave. And _that_ was what was killing her, from inside out.

* * *

_Water is a mirror. But it is not the mirror on the wall that will grant one all their desired wishes in the blink of an eye or give untold knowledge to any who choose __to speak to it. Instead, water is a blank canvas, on which we paint ourselves with our own reflections. In the end, will any of us truly like what we see?_

The bus trip to Regionals went by without any majorly delaying events. Ellie's little attack amid the chaos of training three days earlier had been quickly forgotten amongst the excitement of competition that seemed to travel from person to person on the bus as they travelled. For the most part, Ellie was calm and collected. She wasn't in any way worried about Regionals. She'd been to plenty of large carnivals to know how things were meant to go. How she was meant to behave. But the constant reminder that her time in Japan would soon be coming to somewhat of a malignant end, had Ellie stuck in a never ending cycle of minor but prominent panic.

This panic was only intensified by the argument that had transpired between Rin and herself only about twelve hours prior to the bus trip, in which Ellie, yet again, had stupidly and heartlessly pushed Rin away, stepping back into her cushioned box of comfort in which she refused to say anything or explain _any_ of her actions. Although Rin _had_ been the one to take Ellie back to her room after her major attack at training, she had remained tight-lipped to everyone but Carla on the subject, finding herself too shaken to say anything to anyone but her best friend. It was a step back in the opposite direction but Ellie's attack had left her vulnerable and all she wanted to do was sort herself out before Regionals. Naturally, being kept in the dark frustrated Rin.

* * *

_The wind outside the pool was strangely cold as Ellie stepped out onto the entrance platform with Rin, her mind firmly cited in the ways of panic the moment Rin decided to pull her aside after training. The sun had already set by the time Ellie had finished her usual three-hour routine. She had planned to work on her turns for an extra half-hour once she had finished her warm-down but upon hitting the wall, Ellie quickly found out that Rin had been watching her for her entire three-hours of training. _

_Ellie fidgeted as she leaned against the guardrail, her soaked hair dripping wet slivers of freezing water onto her t-shirt as she picked at her nails. She couldn't bring herself to look to look at Rin, especially not after she had pushed him away so briskly only days before, trading his comfort for Carla's in her state of panic and worry. She knew he was angry but she had no idea exactly _how_ angry he actually was. Ellie supposed she should have known. They were only just getting through this. Why throw all that hard work away on one single anxiety attack?_

_Raking his hands through his hair, Rin sighed with exasperation, starting off the conversation by getting straight to the point. "You can't keep doing this, Ellie. You should know better than to think I'm some bloody light bulb that you can switch on and off whenever you feel like it!" _

_Ellie raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't think I follow you." _

_"Oh, don't play this game, Ell," Rin snapped in reply. "I know all your tricks by now. You can't lie to me or avoid the question like you do everyone else." _

_"Oh but I can," Ellie replied. "And I will. Because I'm not-"_

_"-Ready to tell me anything? Yeah, I've heard that before. Unfortunately Ellie, that excuse cannot be used for every argument we have. That excuse cannot be used when I require a legitemite answer. And it most certainly _cannot_ be used to avoid telling me what's actually going on inside your head. Because half the goddamn time, I have no idea what you're thinking. And that scares me. Because I have no idea whether or not you're actually in a good headspace or not." _

_"Whether I'm in a good headspace or not shouldn't concern you." _

_"It concerns me, Ellie. It concerns everyone around you. Especially me, not just Carla." _

_Ellie lifted her gaze slightly higher up, shifting her field of vision from the concrete platform slab to Rin's chest and torso. Ellie had never been good with confrontations. Never in her lifetime had she ever won an argument _fairly_. __"I...Rin, I'm not-I'm not perfect, okay? Can you at the very least forgive me for slipping back into old habits? Because you have no idea how hard these past few months have been for me to navigate. You know how I am-" _

_"You don't like unpredictable things," Rin said, interrupting Ellie midway through her explanation. "I guess you can add your own mind to the list of unpredictable things in your head. Right between hurricanes and our relationship." _

_Ellie felt a sharp pain spike inside her heart, as if Rin's comment had physically stabbed what felt like a shard of broken glass into her chest cavity. "That's not fair, Rin." _

_"Neither is what you're doing to me." Rin sighed heavily, leaning back against the opposite railing with his arms crossed over his chest. Ellie noticed that he seemed to look better with his hair pulled back. Mature, maybe. Attractive. Serious. Unfair. "I don't get you, Ellie," he continued. "One minute, you're happy. Smiling, laughing, even daring to push the boundaries of our relationship further. Then the next, it's like you're a different person. It's as if you swapped personalities with someone else. And I can't keep up with it. As distressing as it is to see you in physical or mental pain, I can't help but feel frustrated at the fact that you're constantly not telling me what's wrong." _

_Ellie chewed on the inside of her cheek, taking in oxygen through her nose and breathing out through her teeth as she thought on his comment. "Haven't you ever stopped to consider that this is killing me on the inside?" Ellie replied quietly. "Haven't you ever wondered how _I_ might feel in this situation?" _

_Rin opened his mouth to respond but Ellie beat him to the punch. "Don't you even consider that?" Ellie exclaimed. "I want to tell you the things you should know about me Rin. That you deserve to know. But to actually do that, I have to get past this mental barrier that's more fortified than Fort Knox. You should know this by now. I can't just give away everything at once. One step at a time." _

_"Yeah, sure," Rin replied through gritted teeth. "Have you ever actually considered that you don't tell people about your problems because you're scared of what they might think?" _

* * *

"All the time," Ellie whispered to herself, the memories of their argument plaguing her mind endlessly as she lightly banged her head against the bus window.

Ellie didn't want to think about her crumbling relationship, her anxiety or her worries about school and graduation. She just wanted to swim, swim as she always had before she completely lost momentum and drive after the Youth Olympics. She wanted to swim as if she had nothing left to lose. As if it was just herself and herself alone that she was swimming for. She didn't want all that extra baggage. All she wanted was to swim. For the first time in years, that was all Ellie felt like doing.

The stopping motion of the bus brought Ellie back to reality, out of her gloomy daze that she'd managed to work herself into. Carla shook her lightly, tugging the earphones out of her own ears and tucking her phone into her bag. "Come on, grumblebum," she said, tugging on the sleeve of Ellie's hoodie. "We're here."

By '_here_', Ellie assumed that Carla meant that they had arrived at the ridiculously over-priced hotel in which the team would be spending the night. It was a large, grand luxurious sort of structure, with tall metal-beamed frames held together by panes of glass and plaster. The heat of the day had quickly been counteracted by the cold air-conditioned lobby of the hotel, golden painted walls held up by marble columns that extended from the shining floor up to the sleek ceiling. Ellie was _almost_ impressed. She suspected that if her family weren't the constant overseas and domestic travellers that they were, she might have been impressed by a hotel that looked almost exactly the same as the Marriott that Ellie usually stayed at before every carnival she attended in Sydney.

Ellie stumbled off the bus, shielding her eyes from the sun with a hand as she slid her sunglasses up onto her head, and slung her bag over her shoulder as she sauntered into the hotel with Rin, silent, by her side. If it weren't for the sheer amount of people around them, Ellie suspected that the both of them would have burst out into a loud argument right in the centre of the lobby. Unhindered and unprovoked.

Ellie could feel Rin's eyes burning into her skull as she walked, to which she ignored him and shoved her earphones into her ears, turning up the music excessively loud to annunciate her point. Tension was clear between them, like a rubber band being stretched to it's limits, but Ellie tried her best to ignore the prospect of a conversation that Rin surely wanted to have. Luckily, such an event was avoided by the appearance of the Iwatobi Swim Team.

Upon Momotarou's loud announcement of his presence to Gou, Rin shifted his gaze from Ellie to his friends, smiling a friendly smile. "So you guys are here too?" he said, his cheerful tone sounding forced, even through the noise of Ellie's music.

"Of course, Rin-chan!" Nagisa announced, beaming brightly as Ellie expected him to. "It's a step up from last year, isn't it?" As if the boy had the shortest attention span in the world, Nagisa quickly turned his attention to Ellie. "Aw, Ellie-chan, why do you look so angry? You could kill a man with that stare."

Ellie inwardly groaned. _Goddamn my expressions of anger_, she thought as she pulled out her earphones to engage in polite conversation that she really, _really_ didn't want to enter into. "It's nothing really," Ellie replied, smiling back at him. "Nothing of concern anyway." Rin shot Ellie a dangerous look at that but she ignored it, just as she had ignored every other movement he had made in the last fifteen hours. "And I don't recall adding '_chan_' to my name, Nagisa. It's just Ellie. Nothing more, nothing less."

Nagisa gave her a look of bewilderment, as if her blunt humour was lost on him. "Huh? You don't like it?"

"It's not that she doesn't like it," Carla replied, butting in before Ellie could even think of responding. "It's just that Ellie's incredibly casual. Trust me on this one. Nothing annoys her more than formalities."

"Oh, I can think of one thing," Ellie said through gritted teeth. "People who explain things for me."

"And Starbucks coffee. Ellie, I know your hates inside and out. I'm just joking with you. Lighten up a little."

Ellie rolled her eyes, shoving one earphone back into her ear. "Whatever. It's good to see you guys, anyway," Ellie said with obvious frustration, giving a strained smile as she went.

Due to the fact that Ellie was one of the main managers of finances in the club, Ellie, consequently, was the one who had to check in for the team at the front desk. Being in a naturally foul mood, Ellie was forced to make pleasant talk with the smiling female receptionist for ten minutes whilst Rin hovered over her shoulder like a fly that just won't get the message. He'd had to basically dragged Momotarou away from Gou, which _was_ actually amusing, although Ellie failed to laugh at it, and coupled with Ellie's incredibly non-subtle silent-treatment, Ellie suspected that Rin was probably as frustrated as she was in that situation. Not that she gave him the benefit of the doubt. Ellie was far too stubborn for that.

Ellie's handwriting was undoubtably rushed as she scribbled away on the hotel forms with Rin leaning against the countertop beside her. As Ellie handed the forms back to the receptionist with a gruff smile, Rin decided it would be the best time to begin talking.

"Ellie...Ellie, I want to talk about last night," he said, sounding unsure of himself as he spoke. "I just wanted to tell you-"

"Not interested," Ellie snapped. "I don't want to talk about it. That's final, Rin."

Rin took a step back, as if affected by the blow of her words, but persisted, following her down the hall as she walked toward the elevator whilst twirling her hotel room key between her fingers. "Ellie, I'm sorry. I was just angry when I said a lot of those things. But you have to realise, that I'm not the only one in the wrong-"

"I don't want to hear it."

"Yeah well, you have to. You keep pushing me away, Ell. I'm here for you but you just don't seem to realis-"

"Oh my God, do people just never listen to the words that come out of my mouth?!" Ellie halted in the middle of the hallway, turning toward Rin with her hands up in what felt like surrender. She couldn't stand to talk about the past anymore. She just wanted to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, taking one step at a time. "I _don't_ want to talk about this, Rin. I'm not going to repeat this again because I can't be any more clearer. I refuse to talk about this right now. '_No_' means no, Rin. Don't you get that?"

Rin, although looking thoroughly stunned by Ellie's small outburst, sighed and pushed on with the issue. "Ellie, I'm right here. You don't have to yell at me-"

"Yeah, well, you bloody well never listen to me. Might as well speak up."

And with that, Ellie stormed off, wanting nothing more than to reach her room and hide beneath the covers of her bed. Hiding from her troubles whilst the rest of the world ticked on around her. That was how she always dealt with things. And old habits hardly ever die...

* * *

Carla knew, frightfully well, that Ellie was in an _extremely_ bad mood. From her gruff one-word answers to her loud, angry music that was playing far too loud inside her earphones, Carla failed to recall a time in which she'd ever seen Ellie _this_ angry. And anxious. Not to mention just generally _upset_.

In a way, Carla observed that Ellie almost seemed sad as well but Carla let the last emotion go, passing it off as her imagination playing tricks on her. If Ellie was indeed sad, in any shape or form, she would have crumbled into a horrible, sobbing mess right in the middle of the marble lobby. Yes, Ellie was in a horrible mood. But Carla had almost no idea how to fix a girl who was as chronically upset as Ellie.

Carla sighed, pushing her wet hair out of her eyes as she lay on her back on the ridiculously comfortable single bed inside their hotel room. She hid behind her phone's digital screen, trying hard to ignore the loud sounds of _Metallica_ resonating from Ellie's earphones on the other side of the room. _I don't know how I long I can take this_, she thought. _It's just maddening_.

As if her thoughts had been telepathically read, a text from Sosuke lit up on Carla's screen as she impatiently scrolled through _Instagram_, failing to look completely unaware of her friend's distress as she tapped on the message. Carla paused to sit up before she read the text, the disgusting, wet feeling of damp hair pressed between her pillow and her neck annoying her enough to make her move. Crossing her legs on the bed, Carla read the message silently to herself.

_**Is Ellie as mopey as Rin is pissed off right now? Because I think this might be a record for the amount of times he can curse in every sentence.**_

Carla laughed softly, although the situation didn't call for much amusement at all, and after a receiving a rather threatening glare from an annoyed Ellie, she replied with quick fingers. _**Well, I've never heard Ellie voluntarily listen to any her Dad's heavy metal bands before. Must be a few firsts happening tonight.**_

**_Don't I know about it. _**Carla could almost hear the sarcasm dripping from his statement. _**Are you going to say anything to her?**_

Carla groaned, typing somewhat slower now that her boyfriend had chosen to take a more frustrating tone of conversation. _**Maybe. What does that have to do with you anyway? It's not like you own me, Sosuke. I can make my own decisions.**_

There was a momentary pause before Sosuke chose to reply, leaving Carla suspended in a space between annoyed about his question and anxious about his reply. Luckily, Carla didn't have to wait long after that. _**I'm not saying that I own you**_, was all that he said in reply.

_**Yes, but you're perfectly happy to tell me not to look after my best friend, aren't you? I don't like being bossed around. You should know that. **_

_**I'm not trying to boss you around, Carla. You just need to give her room to breathe. Room to make her own decisions. **_

_**Last time I did that,** __**she almost killed herself Sosuke. I can't just let that go. **_

_**You'll have to eventually. You won't be there for her anymore. She's not someone who can be fixed easily.**_

_**How would you know? It's not as if you know her all that well.**_

_**From what you've told me and from what I've seen, I know that you fret over her like a mother hen sometimes. And that you constantly watch over her, no matter how stupid that decision is. **_

Carla could feel herself getting more and more agitated with every text but it's what he said next that frustrated her the most._ Are you saying that helping my best friend is stupid?_

_**No. I'm saying that babying your best friend is stupid.**_

"Ugh, fuck you, you narcissistic pig!" Carla exclaimed, slamming her phone onto her bedside table and slumping back onto her bed with a unsatisfied sound of annoyance. "Why don't you go shove your nosy-ass comments up your prissy, white-"

"Hey!" Ellie's voice rang out inside Carla's ears, the sound seeming so strange after having almost four hours of total silence from the left side of the room. Carla was surprised; she didn't think her best friend could have heard her with the inconsistent racket being produced inside her earphones. She was almost impressed, had it not been for the circumstances in which Ellie had forced herself to even listen to said music in the first place.

Yanking the white earphones out of her ears, Ellie swung her legs over onto the bed, bringing her History folder with her as she sorted through her study notes before her exam in five days. Carla had no idea why her best friend always turned to school work whenever things went bad. She supposed it was a sort of balance thing. Counteracting one stress with another, or something of that nature.

"Lover's spat?" Ellie asked indignantly, almost spitting the words as if it hurt to even speak about the prospect of relationships.

"No, actually," Carla replied. "Pretty major disagreement."

"What's it about?" Ellie asked, sounding genuinely interested, although looking as if she was about to punch in someone's skull. "It's not as if you two fight all the time. I don't think you two have actually had an argument. It must be pretty serious."

Carla stared up at the bleached white ceiling, sighing heavily as she dragged a hand through her dripping wet hair. "Yeah, it is. It's not something we can just agree to disagree on either."

"You sure?" Ellie inquired. "Because you look pretty annoyed about it. And agreeing-to-disagree seems like a pretty good compromise for you right now."

"Oh, and that's coming from Little Miss Mopey, listening to _Black Sabbath_ for three hours straight? That's the pot calling the kettle black."

Ellie groaned, shoving her folder to the ground in a frustrated twitch. The action made Carla almost jump out of her own skin, the ferocity of her best friend's words and actions causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand on end. "Why are boys such idiots?" Ellie yelled. "Or assholes? Or whatever the hell kind of prick they usually are? Why are boys just...boys?!"

Carla raised an eyebrow at the statement. "Are you generalising an entire gender based on your own brief experience with them after one little fight?"

"Yes, Carla! I'm fucking generalising. And do you know why? Because that stupid, godforsaken fucker doesn't know when to stop sometimes!"

"Oh Rin knows when to stop," Carla said a-matter-of-factly. "It's just _you_ who takes it things so seriously."

Ellie paused, taking a moment to glare at Carla as if she'd just threatened to take the life of her first born child, and replied with a bitter bite to her words. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know exactly what it means, Ell. You take things...badly. You're not so great on the '_accepting helpful advice_' category."

"He-"

"_Rin_ didn't do anything, Ellie. _You_ are the one freaking out." _As if that was freaking obvious already, smartass_. "It's not as if you're...incapable of telling him what happened Ell. He deserves to know. Especially about that night-"

"Oh God, not you too," Ellie exclaimed, burying her head in her hands. "Everywhere I go, it's like I'm hearing the same words on repeat, over and over and over again. No one gives me any room to think. I can't even breathe in this goddamn bubble of judgement. _God_!"

With a dramatic eye roll, Carla chose to ignore her best friend for a while and rolled over onto her side, picking up her phone on way over. She was in no mood for Ellie's melodramatic tones nor was she in any mood to engage in an argument with her. Carla was best friends with an anxiety-filled angsty teenager; there was only so much she could take.

Carla's rather frustrating argument with Sosuke had began three days prior, outside Samezuka's dorms after Rin had dragged Ellie away by the arm in the aftermath of her anxiety attack. It had been a loud, angry and almost heart-wrenching disagreement, in which Carla felt as if she was on the losing side.

Sosuke had argued that Ellie, although being Carla's best friend, would not have the blonde there with her forever, especially with HSCs coming into view and the prospect of leaving for New York slowly inching toward her as the days flew by. He said that even though he knew that Carla would do anything to protect her best friend, she had to let her go. She had to let Ellie learn how to do things by herself, rather than have her best friend there to hold her hand through the journey.

Carla, obviously, wouldn't even consider the words that were coming out of Sosuke's mouth in the very beginning. _How could I?_, she had thought. The questions continued endlessly during their argument; How could she turn her back on her best friend, who she'd basically dedicated her entire life to protecting from her own emotions? How could she turn and run just because she had herself to think about now? How could she even think of being so selfish?

Every proposition put forth to Carla seemed like blasphemy in the beginning but slowly, as the argument went on, every word that Sosuke said began to ring a harsh sort of truth and Carla was frightened to say that in the end, she agreed with him. Ellie had to learn. But Carla simply wouldn't give in.

Just as Carla felt herself drifting off into sleep, her phone buzzed beside her, vibrating against her stomach softly as a message lit up her phone. Out of interest, she decided to check the message.

It was from Sosuke. _**Carla. Whatever you're doing, whatever you're feeling, I need you to forget for now, okay? Meet me down in the lobby.**_

Scrunching up her nose, Carla replied with somewhat bitter indifference. _**Why? It's not as if you can make me feel any better about ignoring my best friend and her problems. Just leave me alone. **_

Sosuke's reply came with more haste and more begging. _**Please Carla. I just need your help right now. **_

A small spark of panic ignited itself in the pit of Carla's stomach, which she tried hard to forced down and ignore. Her plan to stifle the flames of panic didn't work in the end and her interest won over her better judgement. Curious, she replied back._ Why should I? _

_**Carla...it's my shoulder. Something's happened. Please.**_

That was all Carla needed to be pushed into action. In a rush, she snatched her hoodie up off the ground, slipped it over her head and headed out with the hotel key in her hand and her heart hammering nervously in her chest.

People always seemed to need help. And for some reason, Carla was always the one to give it, no matter how badly she wanted to ignore the person in need of assistance. She was a martyr; she would die for those she held dear.

* * *

**A.N: Heh. It seems there is no wifi in the desert. This is what I get for being optimistic about the internet providers. **

**So...this is probably a good time to tell you all that my absence is actually due to me being away on a holiday in the middle of the desert with no wifi and _not_ because I'm neglecting you all. Seriously, I just went two days without full service and no wifi at all. I'm both happy and dying here. **

**A lot of things are going to be happening in the coming chapters, so expect there to be longer, probably slower paced chapters for a while. I have a lot of free time on my hands, in between all the hiking and reading on car trips, so I'll be writing quite a bit without the ability to update. I should be able to find some wifi eventually. If Telstra decides to get a grip and actually work for once...**

**Speaking of the Australian outback, Episode 12! Australia! Yaaaay! Even though the Australian accents made me physically want to cry (I mean seriously. Lori sounded like the pre-recorded promo message you get in almost every ad on TV over here. Seriously, guys. Get actual Australians if you're going to do our accents), the episode got most things right. Like how creepily right the Aquatic centre was. Trust me, I have been to that place so many times for competitions that I know it inside and out and it was basically scary how accurate they were with it.**

**The plaques on the wall as you walk in. The diving/warm-up pool behind the Olympic pool. The shiftable diving blocks (I love those things). The freaking screen with all the Swimming Australia and Speedo logos on it behind the medal podium. THE BLUE MATS THAT SURROUND THE DIVING BLOCK ENDS! I was in nostalgia heaven, I'll say that much. **

**Thank you to _My Father's Daughter, LilweenGalatrass _and _IKhandoZatman_ for reviewing. Thank you to everyone else who favourited and followed. I'm sort of happy with this chapter actually. Which is very, very rare for me. What do you guys think? *senses negative comments flying my way...***

**Well, until wifi finally decides to show up miraculously...:)**


	15. Chapter XIV

**Chapter XIV:**

**People in Glass Houses **

* * *

Carla could vividly recall the morning she ruined her knee, down on Court 11 during a Saturday morning netball game, on the fourth and final quarter of the game.

She could remember the sweat that trickled down her back as she snapped into position, stepping past the Goal Defence in an effort to avoid being called up for contact, her ponytail snapping and swaying with the motion. She remembered the aching and complaining of her legs as she ran. She remembered the icy cold remnants of rain that glazed over the air and coated her lungs in a thin layer of frost. She remembered coughing her way through the entire game. But then, Carla remembered her injury.

The shoving and brutality that ensued inside the circle. Carla's fatigued muscles straining against the assault of her opposing player. Stepping out haphazardly, twisting her knee at some awful, unnatural angle. The concrete greeting her with a sharp, precise blow to the nose. Blood dribbling down onto her lips, her voice failing her as she wished to call time. Carla could remember it all. The entire memory was fresh in her mind, playing over and over again against the back of her eyelids as Carla bolted down the hotel hallway, her heart hammering inside her chest. She had no idea why she was thinking of it, especially now, when it was Sosuke's career at stake, not hers as it once had been.

_So stupid_, Carla thought to herself as she waited for the elevator, bouncing on the balls of her feet impatiently. _So ridiculously stupid_.

Carla had told herself that she wouldn't do this. Over and over again, she'd lectured herself on how she was meant to react if something like this were to happen. If Sosuke got hurt yet again, Carla had planned to ignore him, to hide inside her own mind, and then shove her conflicting emotions deep down inside her soul where no one would ever dare to look. That had been her original plan and up until ten minutes prior, Carla thought she was going to stick to it. Ignore him and move on with whatever she was doing at the time. It had seemed that simple. And yet, she'd unable to comply with her own plans. She _had_ to be the helping hand, the light in the dark. It was a constant burden on Carla's conscience; her lack of an ability to ignore the people who didn't deserve her help.

To add to the unreliability of her plan, it was unfortunate that what Carla had been doing at the time of Sosuke's plea was trying to avoid Ellie's angry presence as it stuck out like a well-sharpened knife. It didn't help that Carla completely cracked under pressure either. But in the end, she simply blamed her lapse in understandable defiance on Ellie, just to make herself feel a little better about abandoning her vow of silence toward her boyfriend.

The stifling silence was deafening inside the elevator as Carla entered it alone, smashing her finger repeatedly against the button that would direct her to the ground floor. Carla hadn't the faintest idea why she was panicking so much, although she could take an educated guess. Adrenaline coursed through her veins at a record speed and Carla's heart hammered restlessly against her ribcage as she found the back wall of the elevator where she fought to stay standing. She hadn't been aware of the fact that she was shaking, her hands proving unsteady as she dug her nails into her palms. _Calm down_, she thought. _What is there to be afraid of, anyway?_

The metal bar that lined the wooden panel box of an elevator felt cool between Carla's fingers as she gripped the gold painted surface with white-knuckled intensity. "So stupid," she said aloud. "God, why did I have to be so stupid?"

It wasn't long before the elevator reached the lobby. The silver metal doors slid back with gentle, metallic whirring and Carla was sprinting again, her aged white Converse slapping against the polished marble of the lobby and her wet blonde hair fanning out behind her as momentum lifted it up off her shoulders. People stared but Carla kept running. In fact, she didn't stop running until she had Sosuke's bicep in her hand and was firmly dragging him toward the exit with bitter, angry force. She didn't even hear his hiss of pain until the bright lights of the city's streets engulfed them in a flurry of colour that illuminated their skin in streaks of purple, blue and green.

Snatching her by the wrist, Sosuke wrenched Carla's hand free of his arm and almost immediately regretted it. His shoulder buckled under the sudden movement and Carla watched as pain rippled through his left shoulder blade, the agony becoming plain as day on his face as his expression twisted and a gasp of pain escaped his lips. The grip of his fingers loosened on her wrist but Sosuke didn't let go, his teal eyes, once bright with alarm, now losing their colour under the night sky. Carla, for the first time in approximately forty-two hours, felt sorry for her boyfriend, in the most profound way.

Carla's hand dropped from Sosuke's arm. "Sosuke, I..." Carla failed to find the words, her mind retreating back to one salient thought that seemed to frighten her even more with it's implications. She didn't know what to say, especially after she'd so brutally dragged him out of the hotel. _What do you even say to someone you hardly even want to talk to?_

Finding her courage in the pit of her stomach, Carla chose the generic option for a response to the situation. "Your shoulder's gotten worse...hasn't it?"

Sosuke said nothing in reply. His hand was still closed loosely around her wrist, finger marks showing up red against her veins after his vicious effort to gain to her attention. Instead, his gaze drooped down to concrete pavement, a blank canvas filled with colours of the blinking lights from the neon signs above them. Carla bit her lip, trying to piece things together inside her own mind.

"Sosuke," she said gently, stepping closer to him with enough cautiousness that even a baby deer wouldn't have been frightened. Despite that, he still flinched. Carla supposed that was because he thought she was still angry with him. In short, she _was_ still angry but she was willing to put _that_ particular argument aside for another day. "What happened? Did you tear it again or-"

"Carla." That was all it took for Carla to shut her mouth. Sosuke's voice sounded almost desperate, a rare occurrence judging from Carla's many experiences with the young man. She hated to have to hear him speak like that. It felt like a javelin piercing through her heart. "I...I've got some explaining to do."

At this, Carla scoffed and crossed her arms, trying to hide her badly shaking hands as she spoke. "You're damn right you do. It's eleven o'clock at night, you moron. I'm gonna be exhausted tomorrow morning."

Sosuke, as if fuelled with life at the appearance of Carla's usual teasing, smiled sadly and gently jerked his head toward the pavement. "Walk with me."

Feeling somewhat more relaxed, Carla smirked. "What's in it for me?"

"The truth," Sosuke replied, although being completely sincere now. "All of it." That was enough for Carla to force herself into motion, following Sosuke down the neon coloured streets with her arms firmly crossed over her chest.

It had been blindingly obvious from the moment that Carla had asked him that Sosuke was incredibly secretive about his injury altogether. He skirted around questions, giving her only theoretical details that Carla remembered vividly explaining to Ellie one night. Asking him anything about it was like threatening him with a white hot poker. Receiving answers to those questions was like pulling out his nails one by one. Despite this, Carla never felt like she had ever received a straight answer, nor did she ever feel like he trusted her enough to tell her the full truth. The boy was eternally lying about his shoulder but Carla could see straight through the calm but serious facade that he had built up around himself.

She remembered how vigorously he had made her promise, promise to never to tell Rin of his shoulder or give any hints that something was wrong with him. He'd almost begged that day, as if Carla's compliance meant that he could keep on living for another day. It was so strange to her that Sosuke wanted to keep things a secret, when his very explanation had so many holes and lies inside itself that there was almost nothing factual to tell. Carla simply couldn't work it out. Why was he so determined to hide things, from Rin, from herself, from the entire Samezuka team? It wasn't as if people were going to kill him for receiving an injury; it showed he was human, at the very least.

_It's not whether or not _other_ people will kill him for what happened_, the little voice in the back of Carla's head chimed. _It's about how he's killing himself over it_.

About fifty metres away from their original position, Sosuke began talking. "I don't know how to tell you the things I want to say," he said quietly, presumably to himself but he hadn't quite lowered his voice enough for Carla to avoid hearing.

"Just say them," Carla said briskly. "It gets them out in the open."

Frustration struck Sosuke's expression, an obvious scowl working it's was into the set of his mouth. "It's a lot more complicated than that."

"_Nothing_ is ever as complicated as that. Spit it out, for Christ's sake." Carla frowned and then said something she hadn't intended to say aloud. "I'm sick of you lying to me about these things..."

There was a small flash of anger that appeared on Sosuke's face, Carla's impatience obviously bothering him, but it quickly disappeared unnoticed and he abided by her wish, sighing loudly, and began his explanation. "I guess I can't lie to you, huh?"

Carla scoffed and rolled her eyes. "I know you well enough now to know when you're lying, genius. Although, most of the time, you are very convincing."

"That was the point," he continued. "It's not as if I was ever ashamed of what happened, I just...I just wanted to keep it to myself and myself alone."

Questions began formulating inside Carla's mind, questions that she chose to save for the end to give Sosuke the curtesy of explaining rather than being bombarded with inquiries that he couldn't possibly answer on the spot. Shoving his hands into his pockets as they walked, he started explaining to a higher extent.

"It wasn't as if I'd intended for it to happen as it did," he explained. "All I wanted was to achieve something, something I'd promised myself ever since Rin transferred to Iwatobi. _We're rivals_, I always thought. _It's better if we're on a different team_. When he moved to Australia with the intentions of finding success there, I decided that I was going to keep swimming harder than ever. I had to be the best, the fastest, all of that kind of stuff. I was determined to keep pushing forward, so that when I eventually made it onto the international stage, Rin would be there with me and we could race truthfully, no limits between us and no sign of holding back to be found.

"I trained hard throughout middle school for the purpose of that dream. I made it to National competitions, earned medals and titles, edging closer and closer to what I wanted to achieve. I kept training even when Rin's letters stopped and I assumed that he hit a wall. _He would overcome it_, I thought. _It's what we both have to do_. As I hit high school, my training regime became even more brutal than before and I pushed myself to breaking point every time I swam. Before long, there was no one who could beat me in the water. I was at my peak and everything seemed as if it was all going to go as planned."

There was a look of visible pain on Sosuke's face as he explained the final portion of his story, as if the memory ignited the agonising pain in his shoulder, like an amputee who claimed to feel pain where his arm had once been. He didn't actually feel pain; he just had the memory of it. "But that was when it happened. I should have stopped swimming when I sensed something was wrong with my shoulder. I knew that, as an elite athlete, I knew I should have. But I was so determined to get to where I wanted to be that I ignored it, continuing to train as if nothing was wrong. I couldn't let it get to me. There was no use in fretting over so much as a twitch in my shoulder that bothered me after training one afternoon. But it slowly made it's presence more known every single day, until the summer of tenth grade resulted in my ultimate injury.

"Rotator cuff tear, just as I told you. The training regime that I had carried on with nearly completely ruined my shoulder. X-rays, doctors, physiotherapy and surgery. My parents knew what I wanted to do and so they did everything they could to make sure that I could get better. But I was impatient. And every time I thought I was fine, the tear would appear again and my parents would waste money on surgery yet again just for me to ruin it all over again. It was long after my doctor put me on explicit orders to not swim until he said so that I began to realise something.

"My teammates were surpassing me. I'd missed competitions because of my condition. I was losing the strength that I'd once had and I could barely complete a one hundred metre butterfly without losing my form. I was failing. And it wasn't long before I realised that I wasn't going to achieve my dream. Not now and possibly not ever."

As Sosuke's silence signalled the end of his explanation, Carla could hardly even find the words to respond with at the given time. How do you even respond to something like that? It's soul destroying, to say the very least, and for Carla, it was even more so than that. It reminded her of her own injury so much that she could almost smell the rain that had polluted the air that dreadful Saturday morning. It was too similar, too close to her own hardships that it ate away at her resolve to even think about it.

Piecing together the story inside her mind, Carla shook her head as she came to a realisation. She'd picked out the one major lie that Sosuke had told her and just about everyone else he knew. _Two years. He's been sitting on this for two years_. "You didn't get scouted, did you?" Carla said, her tone making the statement sound like a question although Carla already knew the answer.

Sosuke shook his head, a look of sadness glazing over his eyes as he avoided meeting her gaze. "I'm sorry."

Carla sighed, raking her hands through her damp hair as words began to fill the empty space inside her stunned mind. "Why are you saying sorry to _me_, dumbass?" she snapped. "I'm not the one who's telling the story nor am I the cause of it."

Sosuke shrugged, his expression giving away almost nothing regarding his emotions on the subject. "You seemed angry, that's all. '_I'm sorry'_ usually works when people are angry."

"I'm not angry, Sosuke," Carla said sternly, trying to keep her emotions buried deep down inside her heart where they belonged. "Well, at least not about this. I'm just trying to understand exactly why you didn't tell me this before. Didn't tell _Rin_ this before. It's as if you don't trust us anymore. Well, more like you didn't trust me to begin with but-"

"It's not like that, Carla. I never said that I don't trust you two. It's just that..." Sosuke shook his head, groaning in frustration as he fought to keep his hands in his pockets and not scrunched into fists and smacked against a wall in frustration. "I-I can't...I can't explain it. It's just too..._difficult_."

Somewhere in between Sosuke's explanation, they had exited out of the colourful lights of the various neon signs that hung brightly illuminated over their heads and moved out into the darkness, where the moon's light was their only guide. Carla liked the dark more than the brightly lit street. It seemed calmer, less chaotic and more civilised than the bustling inner city streets. It was worth getting lost for this kind of peace and quiet but the silence between them was suffocating and Carla felt the need to speak up as she always did.

Somewhat more calmly than before, Carla asked her question again. "Why didn't you want Rin to know about this, Sosuke? Don't lie to me either. I hate it when people lie."

Sosuke smiled sadly, his eyes watching the pavement rather than her face as he answered. "I always thought he would be able to overcome the things that held him back. I always thought that Rin would be able to fulfil the dream that I couldn't. I went to regionals last year with the intentions of watching him swim just once more...but all I ended up seeimg was him in pain. He wanted to quit swimming. I heard him yell as much when I went to find him after his race. But then I saw him in the relay."

_The relay_, Carla thought. _That one damn relay that Rin keeps rambling on about, I'm going to assume_.

"He came to life," Sosuke continued. "As if he had been replaced by the person who had lost the race before that. He swam, not for himself, but for his team. I...I don't know. I guess I wanted to be a part of that. I wanted to swim with him, just once more before I gave it all up. It was the new dream I made up for myself; to swim with Rin again. As his equal."

"But you couldn't do that," Carla said softly. "If he thought that you were injured, right?"

Sosuke nodded. "Yeah, that was the idea. I don't know why I kept it from _you_ though, to be honest. Maybe it was because you're so caring and kind, I thought maybe you'd simply pity me and not take me seriously like you do with Ellie. I'd just be another patient in your eyes."

_Another patient?_ The words bit into Carla's skin like little pinpricks being driven into every inch of her flesh. She didn't think she hovered that much. She _was_ aware of the fact that she took care of people when they needed it but she wasn't always like that; she only ever cared about those who she loved anyway. Besides, Ellie was her best friend. She wasn't prepared to sit by and watch as the other girl tortured herself just to get from one day to the next. She never considered Ellie her patient or even as a burden. Carla did what she did because she loved her best friend and she didn't know what she would do without her.

Treating people like her patients was never Carla's intention. All she ever wanted was to help. It was natural reflex for her, to reach out and take the hand of those who she knew were struggling. It wasn't as if she intended to make the troubles of others a trivial matter. But then again, Carla never even thought for a second that the people she helped didn't appreciate her. Selfishness glazed that internal thought. Carla often ignored it. Everyone was selfish in their own insignificant way.

The fact that Sosuke thought that little of her made Carla sick. _Maybe that's why he wants me to stop taking care of Ellie so much. To teach humility. Restraint. Whatever he wanted to show me_. "I...I'm sorry I made you feel like that," she apologised, softly rubbing her arms to try and keep some of the warmth inside her hoodie. "I didn't realise I did that."

"It's not necessarily a bad thing," Sosuke replied, trying to cover up his former insult. "More than once, I felt like I should tell you. More than once, I debated whether or not I should. It's just-"

"I get it," Carla interjected numbly. "You didn't want to be taken care of like some little kid. You want to take care of yourself. I can understand that feeling."

"No, no, it's not that. It's just...I didn't want to worry you."

Carla laughed genuinely, for the first time that evening, shaking her head as she absorbed his words. "You didn't want to worry me?" Carla said with a mocking smile. "Sosuke, you've worried me enough the past few months with your constant lying and avoidance of questions. The fact that you want to quit swimming isn't really going to add that much to the level of stress I'm currently experiencing. I've eight weeks of intensive examinations coming up. I think I have better things to worry about."

Sosuke smiled more gently now, the gesture reaching his eyes and causing little sparks of amusement to dance across his teal irises. "Trust me, you wouldn't blame me for assuming after how my parents reacted. It seemed to stress my mother enough for a entire lifetime."

Turning a corner, the pair stumbled upon a seemingly lonely playground, abandoned by children under the moonlight's iridescent shine. The swings were the first thing that caught Carla's eye; painted a dark blue and old and aged with copper coloured rust that decorated it's joints. It reminded her ever so slightly of the playground that sat in her family's front yard, abandoned by herself and her siblings long ago, as they grew too old and too self-righteous to enjoy it.

Carla somewhat missed being a child. There was nothing to hold her back then, no injuries, no money problems, no higher education to separate herself from her and her dreams. Everything was simpler. Even the complicated mysteries in life could be mapped out in a single sentence like '_The sky is blue_'. No child ever asks why. They simply believe what they are told and they hold onto that belief until their mind grows weaker and allows room for more interpretation. The swing set made Carla sad in a way. It was a reminder of days when things were simple, one-sentence dominated and responsibility free. Everyone has to grow up, Carla understood that. But why did it have to hurt so much in the process?

Wandering over to the metal structure with wood chips crunching beneath her feet, Carla reached out and tugged on the rusted chain that held the seats of the swing set to it's metal frame. It swung with an obvious creak but Carla enjoyed the loud, shrill metallic sound. It showed that the object had actually been used and just like the children that played on it, it grew and aged as time went on. Taking a seat down on the swing, Carla ran her fingers over the bronze coloured chains, appreciating it's coolness despite the black smudges that soon covered her fingertips.

"Are you sure you should be sitting on that thing?" Sosuke asked as he approached, looking slightly dejected upon having his heart-felt conversation walked out of. "It looks like a death trap."

"It's familiar," Carla said defensively. "It kind of reminds me of the one we have at home. Right in my front yard. In fact, my family's playground's probably bigger than this one to be honest." Wanting to get back on topic, Carla swivelled the conversation around as she rocked herself back and forth on the seat. "Parents are weird," she remarked. "One minute, they support your decisions and aspirations and then the next, they won't allow you to do what you want. It's ridiculous."

"It's reasonable," Sosuke replied with an even more defensive tone than Carla's. "Well, at least in terms of my parents, it is. They spent a fortune making sure I would achieve my dream and then I just up and quit? I'm surprised my father didn't skin me alive."

"Yeah, well it's not like my parents were particularly enthused when I decided to go to NYU. To far away, my mother said to me. To far away. She can be such a mother hen sometimes."

Sosuke laughed, walking over to the swing beside Carla and sitting himself down, despite his broad shoulders and frankly, much more bulkier physique than Carla's. "And you wonder where you get your obsessive martyrdom complex from?"

"Oh, I know perfectly well where I got it from," Carla replied. "It's from Mum, for sure. I have hardly anything from my father. I hardly even got to spend proper bonding time with him past age nine. He's always holed up in his study, working the days and nights away. Back home, I always have to check on him because he usually forgets to eat dinner and breakfast a lot of the time and barely remembers to eat lunch at work. It's maddening, just having to watch over him."

"That's sounds like my father. Except he, at the very least, isn't completely work obsessed. He just runs his business because it gets food on the table. It's not that serious."

"It's a wonder my parents have even stayed together for so long." Carla had to laugh at herself, her own self-pity amusing her. "My father, the stern-faced Liberal politician and investor, partnered together with my mother, the all-loving and eternally loud hippie and artist. It's a literal joke. It's a wonder they were even able to agree on my name."

Sosuke smirked, shaking his head as he began to find the humour in things again. "No offence but '_Carla_' doesn't exactly sound like a hippie name."

"It isn't. You just haven't heard my full name before."

Sosuke looked slightly frightened at the prospect. "Your mother didn't give you a middle name after a planet or something, did she?"

Carla laughed, although she didn't put it past her mother to have considered it. "Carla Emerald Aurora Mae Fellows. My mother's birth stone is an emerald."

"And...where did '_Aurora_' come from?"

Carla shrugged. "Mum's a Disney Princess fan."

Talking about home gave Carla the smallest bout of homesickness, as if the very mentioning of her parents had made her miss them altogether. It was true that she hardly ever saw her father. He had an eternally stress-filled job that scrutinised every detail of his life, from his estate to his family, and he was always trying to keep his work separate from his family life. But almost everyone in Carla's family knew that he had long-since failed to do so. Even though she hardly ever had a full conversation with him, Carla still enjoyed having her father around, inside their house, where she knew she could keep an eye on him. Sometimes, she even snuck into his office while he worked and read novels on leather couch that sat on the far right wall. He hardly even noticed she was there most of the time.

Her mother, on the other hand, was a complete handful all on her own. From her incense candles that sat in various rooms around the house, constantly burning with scents of lavender and sage, to her art room that was covered in paint splatters and finished portraits of varying degrees of colourfulness, Carla's mother was always in what seemed like a trance state. Carla could still remember the day that her mother had barged into her room at three in the morning and woken her hastily, insisting that she celebrate the summer solstice with her. Carla loved her mother dearly, for she was always the person to look on the bright side of things when almost everything dragged Carla down, but by God, the woman never knew when to stop.

It was her brothers that Carla truly missed. Of course, she missed her two little sisters, aged ten and fourteen, but out of her entire family, Carla always seemed to miss the presence of her brothers more than anyone else. That much was becoming obvious as Carla sat on the rusted swing-set, thinking of the many times she had played with her brothers as a child on their own family playground.

All three of Carla's older brothers, although differing in age, had seemed to have made a kind of pact to take care of their little sister ever since she was two years old. They were consistently watching out for her, picking her up when she fell and scaring off any boys that looked her way. Even recently, when Carla had been involved in an affair with one of the local boys who simply used her for her body, left her and ran, her brothers had been there. They'd surrounded her in blankets and chocolate, spending the weekend watching action movies with her until they were all sure she was alright. In their eyes, she was still the baby girl of the family and the very last '_planned_' child that her mother had given birth to. How could they not look after someone that was so small and so fragile, even as a young adult?

Looking at herself now, Carla supposed that, despite the multiple problems she had with her body, she was in fact small in physique. Her muscles were present but lean. She was of the average height of most females her age and she had hips narrower than even those of her mother. She was thin, even for a swimmer. Carla supposed that she might even be underweight. The countless amounts of dieting had probably attested to that, as well as her general pickiness of food. Ellie was always saying that she needed to eat more. Carla wondered if Sosuke agreed, given how much of a comparison she was to him.

Staring at the boy beside her, Carla began to wonder whether or not this heart-felt telling of how Sosuke received his injury was a give-and-take situation. Carla didn't remember telling him about how her own shoulder had been injured during a local carnival. She knew that he was aware of the fact that her shoulder was weak but he'd never asked about it and in a way, Carla was grateful for it. But now was as good a time as any and for once, Carla actually felt like saying something. Maybe it was the nostalgia and memories of home. Maybe it was the late hour. Carla couldn't be sure of the reason why.

"Hey Sosuke...I never told you about how I ruined my knee, did I?"

Sosuke looked over at Carla, his brow furrowing at the question. "I didn't even know there was anything wrong with your knee." _Thought so_. "Considering it was always your shoulder that gave you problems, I assumed that was something that bothered you. You never said anything about your knee."

"Oh, my shoulder was nothing," Carla replied. "That was something I did in a carnival a while back. I just don't trust it that much, that's all. It was my knee that caused my parents an excessive expenditure on wasted time." Carla smiled at the phrase, gripping the chains hard. "That's a pretty phrase, isn't it? '_Excessive expenditure on wasted time_'. I'm starting to sound like Ellie with her poetic phrases."

Sosuke's confusion only seemed to intensify. "What do you mean?"

"Tell me, Sosuke," Carla said, the black smudges of oil coating her palms as she ran her hands over the chains. "What did I win bronze at the Youth Olympics for?"

Silence was Sosuke's answer at first, his confusion having stunned him and making him incapable of giving her a proper answer. It took a full minute of silence before he finally came to his senses. "I wasn't aware of the fact that you'd won bronze at the Youth Olympics. I didn't even know you went there."

"I don't blame you," Carla replied, rocking back and forth gently. "It's not common knowledge. Especially not after my injury. I don't like talking about it but since we're on the subject...I might as well tell the story."

Brushing her now dry hair behind her ear, Carla sighed and began explaining. "I used to be a breastroker before I specialised in backstroke. It was my main stroke and it always had been, ever since I first started swimming. I was good, maybe even better than that. In terms of talent, I was probably Ellie's equal at age fourteen. I was determined, to say the very least, and I probably would have gone further had I not injured myself.

"It happened on a Saturday morning, during the usual morning netball game that dominated the majority of my day. It was a a month after the Youth Olympics and I'd been suffering through a cold the week before. I'd spent most of the week away from school and huddled underneath the covers, just trying to fight off this raging fever and headache. I wasn't originally going to go to netball that weekend but Ellie convinced me to go. It was the last round before the semis and we needed all the points we could get. I agreed to along with it, being the usual me, and I showed up five minutes before the game just like everyone else did."

Carla smiled at that small portion of the memory, the familiarity of the team's attitude rubbing off on her as she continued her story. Carla's team were always casual, just like their coach Meredith, and they were forever winning games just because they were the relaxed ones, who knew the importance of having fun over winning. Funnily enough, they'd won the Grand Final that year.

"Almost instantly, we realised we were in for it," Carla continued. "We'd versed _and_ beaten that opposing team before but only because they were incredibly dirty players and in the prior game, we had much better umpires. The ones we had this game were horrendous, missing basically everything the other team did and calling up our defence for no particular reason. We were winning around the time I..._fell_."

Carla swallowed hard against the lump forming inside her throat. She'd never told anyone this much about her injury aloud before. There had never been much of a need in the past, considering hardly anyone ever asked, simply out of curtesy for her privacy, but in that moment, Carla realised that she was stalling. It was as if the words were sticking to her tongue, refusing the budge unless she forced them out in one large flurry.

Taking a deep breath, Carla went on. "I stepped out the wrong way inside the circle. My defence was on me the entire time and when I stepped out, she just put too much force into shoving me away from the ball and I fell. My knee twisted at this awful, unnatural angle and I just remember this sudden searing pain before I could hardly even feel my knee at all. All I knew was that I couldn't get up anymore. My knee couldn't support any weight. I was just sitting there on the ground, screaming even when I felt no pain at all."

"Jesus," Sosuke breathed, his lips barely forming the words as he watched her in awe. "It just...what? Snapped?"

"Third degree ligament tear," Carla replied. "That's what the doctor said it was after we got it x-rayed. It occurred due to one sudden bout of stress on my knee and since my knees were already naturally weak due to all the breastroke and netball that I played, that was all it took. I didn't know much about my injury then however, not that I could have learnt anything anyway. I was in too much shock to take in any information. It wasn't until we went to the physio that I finally understood how bad it was."

Sosuke watched Carla carefully, taking in her expression before he asked, "How bad was it?"

Carla sighed, biting her lip before explaining. "You know how parents consistently sugarcoat things? Like how they say that Grandma's gone to heaven, not some hole in the ground, or that you can try again next year, when in reality, you may not even be interested in twelve months. Well, my parents were like that. In the extremist kind of way. They kept telling me all these reassuring things, things that made believe that this injury wasn't the worst thing that could have happened. They lied. It _was_ the worst thing that could have happened. It ruined my pending career.

"My physio told me that day that I probably wouldn't be able to perform breastroke at the kind of speeds that I usually had, most likely ever again. It was too much stress, he said. Any more and my knee would most likely be in a permanently weak position. It was the worst possible outcome. I think I cried myself to sleep for an entire month before Ellie finally persuaded me to come back to training. I started again with backstroke, trying my hardest to make it work. But I missed my signature stroke. I missed the speed, I missed my reputation, I missed all of it. So, I tried to prove the physio wrong. I swam a fifty-metre breastroke at my fastest pace at training one afternoon and...low and behold, my knee gave again.

"In the end, that only made it worse. I was put on a '_no-swim_' order from my doctor and I could hardly do any sports at all. I was miserable. I could hardly even get enough motivation to get up and go to school in the morning. I just didn't want to accept that my dream had been shattered in an instant by some godforsaken injury. I hadn't intended for things to end that way. Why should I suffer for it? In an effort to make me feel better, my mother advised me to take my dancing more seriously. I'd been performing for a fun for a few years. I was alright; I had a good sense of balance and coordination but I'm slightly flat-footed and to be taken seriously would mean a lot of work."

Carla smiled. "But I did it anyway," she said after a brief pause. "I started to love it. Dancing filled the empty hole swimming had left inside my heart. I found a new dream and I...I've gotten where I want to be. Going to NYU for university and apprenticing with a company. Possibly partnering with said dance company...it's all of a part of the dream I concoted for myself. Out of something horrible, I found...I don't know. Happiness, I guess. I was able to realise who I wanted to be."

"And you were able to achieve it," Sosuke muttered, a somber look taking over his face as his gaze dropped to the dusty wood chips underneath his feet. "Carla, I can see that you're trying to get to a point. Please get to it before midnight, so we can get back early."

"I...oh." Carla looked down at her watch in bewilderment, the minute hand edging closer and closer to the hour hand as it reach the top of the clock face. She hadn't realised she'd been talking so long. _But there's so much I want to say_... "I...I guess what I'm saying is...are you sure that swimming with Rin again will be enough for you in the end? I know that's a little off topic but..."

Sosuke turned his head toward her, almost glaring at Carla as if she had offended him in the worst possible way. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well...university isn't exactly out of reach," Carla protested, struggling to contain composure under Sosuke's scowl. "You can't just be so satisfied with so little of a dream. You could still get the grades to make it in. Recommendation letters from teachers always help and-"

"It's no use, Carla," Sosuke interjected with a definite tone. "As much as you may deny it, I'm definitely not a genius like you."

"I'm not genius, Sosuke. And _you_ are smarter than you think."

Sosuke chuckled softly, although he appeared still unconvinced of Carla's claims. She supposed that was natural. Most people don't believe the good things that are said to them but they always remember the bad things. "I know it's still a possibility for me to go to university," Sosuke sighed. "But it's too late now. I've made my decision and there's nothing that'll be able to change that."

"So...you're still swimming tomorrow? Even like _this_?"

Sosuke's expression of finality wavered slightly at Carla's tone but he replied with absolute confidence. "Yes. Even if it means ruining my shoulder for good. I'll swim."

Carla sighed at his comment and bit her lip with worry, staring out at the dark eerie shadows of the playground equipment that creaked and swayed in the wind. She didn't want to have to say the things that she was thinking. For any words that she would chose to say would give away the true extent of her feelings. Carla knew for sure that the relationship between herself and Sosuke was so much more different compared to that Ellie and Rin's. They acted with such recklessness and extreme reservation, the two extremes clashing tremendously as they both fought each other and clearly, but not so obviously, '_loved_' each other.

Even though Ellie was so shy and so anxious all the time, Carla always felt like she was the more insecure one out of the two. Even though she conducted herself with such confidence around Sosuke, she was almost always scared around him. Not of Sosuke himself, but of what he might think of her and her actions. In the beginning, that hadn't mattered to her. A simple fling with the boy would have satisfied any animal passion and frustration that still remained inside her after her last break-up but instead, she succumbed to something else.

_Stupid_, Carla thought to herself. _So ridiculously idiotic_. Carla had promised herself that she wouldn't get too close to Sosuke, lest have her heart shattered into a thousand pieces yet again. She didn't know if she could handle the heartbreak of inevitably having to leave him by the end of the year, end of the month in fact. And yet, she'd still fallen helplessly for him and there was nothing that could have possibly persuaded her otherwise. She couldn't say the things that were on her mind. She couldn't say how frightened she was of watching him hurt himself for the sake of his dream. She couldn't allow herself to reason with him. _Maybe_...

"If I were to ask you," Carla began, her voice shaking and wavering as the words left her mouth. "To forgo the relay, would you do it? Would you give up the relay for me?"

Sosuke seemed struck by the question, as if Carla had delivered a physical blow to his face. Carla supposed she should have known better. If someone asked her to give up dancing in New York for them, she'd probably slap them and walk away from the proposition. "What do you...What's brought this on?" Sosuke asked, staring at her expectantly. "You didn't seem to have much of a problem with my decision before this.

"I just..." Carla thought carefully about her answer, wondering silently how she was going to get out of this situation unscathed. Her mind came up blank. _Stupid brain and your momentarily lapses in thinking_. "I don't want to see you get hurt, okay? Is that not enough reason for me to ask? I've seen Ellie torture herself enough to know what it feels like to watch someone I care about in pain, mental or physical. She was the one who took all the attention off me, all the media attention. That's why she's so anxious all the time, why she can't stand being around...people. But I've also been in enough pain before to know that I don't want that for you. Is it too much to ask of you? To just spare yourself the further injury and spare me the pain of watching you throw your future away?"

"I'm not doing any of this to hurt you, Carla." Sosuke stood from the swing and muttered indecipherable words under his breath, almost pacing as he tried to find a way to explain himself. "I...I'm just doing what I think is best, Carla. I wish I could promise that none of that will happen but I can't. Because I've never been entirely sure of anything other than the relay. And...I guess...I've never been so entirely sure of _anyone_ besides you. Can't you trust me enough to let me do this for myself?"

_Oh jeez, you've got to be kidding me_. Carla huffed her exasperation as heat rose steadily in her cheeks and illuminated her skin with a deep ruby red. She wasn't entirely used to those bittersweet words that struck her so suddenly and caused an eruption of butterflies to flutter throughout her stomach. _What the hell are you thinking, you idiot?_ Carla thought angrily, her feet carrying her closer to Sosuke than she would have appreciated. _Just get it out, for Christ's sake_.

"So I'm guessing that's a '_no_' to my earlier question then?" Carla said hesitantly, keeping her conflicting emotions close to her chest as they surged through her veins in a wave of fiery confusion.

Sosuke frowned, somewhat unhappy with his own answer, and nodded in agreement. "I'm sorry, Carla. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is hurt you."

_Then you shouldn't have gotten involved with me in the first place_. Carla, although frightened and nervous, stepped forward of her own volition in that moment and took Sosuke's face in her hands. She shook her head and smiled gently, laughing softly at her own thoughts. "Don't be sorry," she said. "Just...win. Okay? Win for _me_. Win for your school, for your team. Win for Rin. But most importantly, win for yourself. Too many times do I see people doing reckless things for the wrong reasons, myself included. If you're going to do this...you have to do it the right way."

Once silence closed comfortably around them, Carla moved up onto her toes and softly ghosting her lips over his and then kissed him, only briefly before settling back down onto her feet and dropping her arms back down to her sides. Sosuke stood there, silent, stunned by her actions and her words, and mouthed words that Carla supposed were meant to make understandable sounds. It was a rare occasion, for Carla to witness Sosuke in a strange daze in which he dropped his serious facade.

"Don't make me regret choosing you," she said suddenly, shoving her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. "I think it'd pretty much shatter me if I had to let you go."

Coming to his senses, Sosuke's expression transformed into one of his usual serious demeanour. "Isn't that what's going to happen at the end of a month?"

Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth, Carla hoped sincerely that the tears swimming inside her eyes weren't visible in the shadows of the dark. "I don't know what happens at the end of the month," she replied. "But I know that I don't want to have to say goodbye."

_There you go. Now you've done it. Might as well give up and confess undying love right here. Goddamn it, what was I thinking?!_ For some unexplainable reason, Sosuke didn't respond in the way that Carla expected, an unimaginable prospect situation that had been playing on the back of her eyelids like a high-definition movie in loud, screaming images. Stepping forward, Sosuke slipped his hand into hers and squeezed it reassuringly, running the fingers of his other hand through her hair in an effort to calm the nervous shivering that had overtaken her shoulders.

It was rare for Sosuke to share any form of physical affection for her, especially whilst being so close and intimate that it almost made Carla's teeth chatter with nerves. The same went for Carla, who preferred to used her words to comfort others rather than her actions. An exception was always made for Ellie, as the girl was an extraordinary exception to all manner of things, but she didn't expect Sosuke to be added to the small list of exceptions she had complied inside her mind. Then again, she didn't expect to be feeling so strongly attached to him long ago and then look what happened. Shakespeare had put it best, in Carla's opinion. '_Love is blind, and lovers cannot see._'

"I don't want to have to say goodbye either," Sosuke replied, their faces coming closer as he leaned his head down to look into her eyes. "But what can we do to stop it?"

_Run away,_ Carla wanted to say. _Run, far, far away where no one could find us. Tell our parents to go screw themselves and do whatever the hell we want with our lives. Make our dreams a reality as if we were in a fairy tale. Everything. Anything. Just anything to take away the pain of losing another person close to me_.

Even though Carla wanted so desperately to say all those things, no matter how ridiculous nor how corny, she instead remained silent. She couldn't answer his question. She didn't even know the depth of her own feelings for him. How could she propose all those outlandish things to him, even with a joking smile on her face and an excited twinkle in her eye? There was no reasonable answer to the question that Sosuke had asked her. Carla wanted desperately to find one but it wasn't as if everything was made to last. Sometimes, as was eloquently put by her second-eldest brother Elliot, _shit just happens_.

The night continued on around them, uninterrupted and unhindered by the going ons of two teenagers drained by life itself. Standing silent in a child's playground with fingers intertwined, the world ignored them and their worries, no matter how serious nor how endlessly troubling, were passed off as the problems of angst-riddled teenagers.

Carla didn't want to think about the end of the month, the would ultimately end in her leaving for home. Or the HSC exams that would determine her future. Or a fuming best friend who sat in her hotel room, contemplating life as she tried to battle the anxiety raging within her.

Shit _always_ happens but no one ever expects it to happen to them. Especially not an optimistic young blonde, with the world seemingly at her feet and a friendly smile on her face. No one ever expects it to happen to them but Carla seemed to have the feeling that it was going to happen to her regardless.

The world will always look down on optimistic people.

* * *

**A.N: Oh my Lord, if there was an easier way to edit this, I would have found it by now. Would have saved me _so much_ time.  
**

**I honestly have no idea why this chapter went on for so long. Maybe because I really like writing from Carla's point of view. Yeah, probably that. I don't know why but she's just a really easy character to write about. With Ellie, it takes a lot of effort and time to get things right. But with Carla, it hardly takes any time at all. At least that's ****until I start editing. Then it takes forever and a day.**

**So, yeah I'm trying something new with Carla's perspective. I'm pretty happy with it but what do you guys think? Opinions, opinions, opinions please...**

**Thank you to _IKhandoZatman, Aoi-sama, LilweenGalatrass_ and _My Father's Daughter_ for reviewing. Thank you to everyone else who favourited and followed. It's good to see what you all think of my writing, good or bad, and I'd really appreciate your opinion on this chapter. Because I may be happy with it but some of it, I'm not so sure about it. I'm kind of nervous posting it, to be honest. Just be nice, okay guys? I don't mind criticism but no harmful words please.**

******I'm sorry it took so long to get this out. I would have gotten it out earlier but it unfortunately got deleted halfway through editing and I had to rewrite it all over again. 'Twas frustrating but I made it through. **

******Also, the ending of Free! *cries for eternity* I loved it, even though I was kind of annoyed at it as well. I could explain why but I'm edging into the nine thousand word count as it is and that's pretty scary at the moment. Too many words, man. Too many freaking words.**

**Aoi: Welcome back! I was wondering where you disappeared to. University course in GOT? Where is the sign-up sheet?! XD But anyway, the thing about Sosuke and Carla is that there is stuff going on in the background between them. I have some of it written out, actually, but it wasn't necessary to the story, so I ended up having to cut the scenes. I assure you, I didn't just make them go together because "Ermahgerd, they'd be so cute together."**

**Also, special thank you to My Father's Daughter for the gorgeous oneshot she dedicated to me as a belated birthday gift. I cannot thank her enough but if you haven't read her story '_Living Water_', go do it now. Because it is absolutely beautiful and deserves all the praise it can get. **

**Until next time...**


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